If you have a day where all you eat all day is two Balance bars and a couple pieces of honeydew and then you drink a lot lot lot of wine, you will feel like complete and utter A-S-S the next day.
You know this. I know this.
It just happened. Sometimes it just happens. My work day was busy, and I worked out over lunch and barely had time to shower before going straight to a meeting. End result, not much food in my day.
The Dementor was in town, and we met up after work and had a drink at the bar at the Ritz before he went off to his power dinner. Which left me with just enough time to go home, change into shorts, and head up to T's house to hang out with my two closest friends. Because she is moving, this was the last of our weekly hang out, drink wine, catch-ups at her house.
I knew, as I kept pouring myself glass after glass of wine, that it was a bad idea. I also know why I was doing it. It's not a mystery to me.
Glass 1: Purely social.
At the Ritz, why the hell not? Oh, and that's one more thing I ate - nuts - they brought us some mixed nuts and we laughed and said that was absolutely perfect. Sums both of us up.
Glass 2: T said, "Wine?" Yes, please.
It was so great to see the Dementor. After we hugged goodbye, and I'd walked about a block, I suddenly wanted to cry, and that rattled me. We are friends of sorts now, and we have this incredibly intense connection, even when we aren't delving into intense topics. I don't want to be with him, and yet he still gets me in that red hots way. I hate that.
Glass 3: More? Absolutely!
I'm tired of fretting about my dad all the time. And my mom. I'm tired of being scared. I'm just tired.
Glass 4: I'll just go ahead and pour this one.
T is leaving. She is one of my nearest and dearest friends. I know New Jersey isn't that far. But it's not six blocks up the hill. It's too far for weekly hang-outs on her patio. It's too far for a last minute drink or Maggie Moo's or walk in the park with her dog. It's too far.
Glass 5: Just a little more. Because who wants to be able to walk a straight line home?
The Director has been so amazing to me, and I like him, and I am truly thankful to have had him in my life this past month. And he is leaving for good in a few weeks.
Nobody thinks I'm great at moderation, myself included. But by this age, goodness. You'd think I'd have some grip on the fact that while wine feels really, really good at the time, that much feels just as bad, if not worse, the next day.
As a friend of mine likes to say, nobody ever looks back and says, "Wow, now that was a great idea!"