Sunday, June 03, 2007

Humor Chemistry

I don't know if humor is learned or genetic, but I have, for a long time, believed in humor chemistry. Either your sense of humor clicks with someone else's or it doesn't. And, much like that elusive I-want-to-kiss-you chemistry, there's nothing to be done about it if it's not there.

Although truly, if you don't find this post funny - if, rather, it offends your sensibilities and makes you want to keep your pets and children far, far from people like me, I can't fault you.

Yesterday The Director was talking about cleaning out his apartment to move. He said he has a closet full of plastic bags. Which I suggested he recycle.

He said that actually, he will use them.

And I said, "Oh, for drowning kittens?"

Before you hate me - I would never, ever advocate drowning kittens. It just fell out of my mouth. I could just as easily have said babies. Which I know is pure terrible. I don't know why I say these things.

Thankfully, I don't shock or offend my friends. At least, not often.

Yesterday my friend T and I were out walking her dog. Her dog, who is tall and thin and black and beautiful and lovely and playful and likes everyone and, while he worships the shit out of her, doesn't get all territorial.

The Director asked if I realize I am clearly describing him as the opposite of Kaylie. And here I thought I was just giving the facts as they are.

So T asked how things were going with Kaylie. I said that since I am the human and she is the dog, I'm supposed to be the bigger person and make an effort to get her to like me. The Director asked me to do this for him.

The problem is, I just don't want to. It's not that I don't like him - I do. And feel for her; I know that her little world has been rocked. She used to have all of his time and attention, and now she doesn't. I do feel bad for her.

But by the same token, I feel like I have enough on my plate right now without having to work to win over a spoiled dog. Seriously.

So I described my dog frustrations and T sympathized.

And then she said, "Well, how old is she? Is there any chance she'll drop dead anytime soon?"


  1. What are friends for, if not to be wildly inappropriate with?

    And for the record, the plastic bags should clearly NOT be used for kittens.

    Save them to carry the baby seals after the 2007 Club-a-thon for Charity.

    Your efforts to get her to like you need only extend to the point where you choose not to rub in her face the fact that, of the two of you, you're the one with thumbs. They hate that. Plus, the walking upright. And pizza. From then on she should be licking your face for showing such restraint.

  2. VVK - Heh heh.

    WiB - I'll definitely tell him to save his bags. And I'll keep the thumbs a secret. From both of them.

  3. Plastic bags are good for whales as well, but you have to chop them up pretty good first.

    I have a satire post called "Kill the Manatees- Save our Motorboats!" and someone writes me saying something to the effect of.

    "Why do you want to kill manatees?Who cares about motorboats? You're a horrible person. Get a life."

    Some people have absolutely no sense of humor. I pray for them.

  4. You are right, we should definitely be looking out for the motorboats! Because the manatees, they'll just take over everything.


Tell me about it.