Thursday, June 14, 2007

Splashing about in the shallow end: Disco, colors, makeup, sparkles, la la la

A variety of things have been making me think about makeup lately.

One, I've been listening to a lot of disco-y Scissor Sisters while running. Their song "Kiss You Off" goes "I don't need another tube of that dime store lipstick. Well, I think I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man."

Obviously, this is not really about lipstick. Nor is it profound. But it's catchy and in my head, and adds to the thoughts of cosmetics. It's not quite as fun as She's My Man, but it's up there.

ANYway, I know very little about makeup besides eyeliner and mascara, but I've started wearing this really fun lip gloss. It's supposed to plump up your lips, and maybe it does; I can't tell. Mainly I like the colors and the yummy flavors.

It's a little tingly, in a nice way, and not sticky and the colors are sheer - which is good, because when I wear lipstick I always feel like I'm trying to be more grown-up than I am, silly as that may sound.

One of the things I love about it, though, is that the names are so fun. Water My Melon. Spike My Punch.

Yes, I am the person who will buy a bottle of wine because it has a charming name or they put a cute animal on the label.

The Director liked the smell and asked about my lip stuff as I was putting on Water My Melon. I told him what it was called and said all these glosses seems to be named Something My Something. Verb My Noun.

"Verb? My? Noun?"

Could I be linguistics geek dorkier? Verb my noun?

I couldn't quite remember any other names, so I said, "You know, like Smack My Ass or Bake My Cake or something like that. Something My Something."

Those were lip glosses he was definitely in favor of.

I told him I would love to be the person who gets to come up with color names for different makeup products. So we started making up colors.

Like: Backstabbing Bitch Red, Shotgun Wedding Scarlet, Ménage a Terra Cotta - these could be lip sticks or lip glosses. Maybe an eye shadow in Nibble My Ear Beige, or Tell Me a Secret Silver. Blush in Serial Monogamist Pink. Perhaps some nail polish in Tie Me to the Bedpost Maroon, Rug Burnt Sienna, or Shoot a Friend in the Face Hunter Orange.

And everyone should have sparkly skin lotion called Get Out the Disco Ball!

Oh, the possibilities are twisted and endless and delightful.

The Director is not a man who thinks about makeup. I think it was the Something My Something that caught his attention. If I ever get a fun job like this, I will definitely name a product No More Pants just for him.


  1. Oh i have always always always wanted that job! Even if it was naming paint colors for Benjamin Moore. can you imagine how fun? naming colors and makeups would be the best job ever. i dream about this. seriously. "Tie Me to the Bedpost Maroon", "Shoot a Friend in the Face Hunter Orange" -- those are hysterical!

  2. One: I agree wholeheartedly with the lipstick thing. I always feel like I'm trying to be more grown up. And

    Two: You're just a linguistics geek, I'm a full on nerd. During my phonetics classes I used to write out my name phonetically in each language I knew :-)

  3. My sister wants that job as well. Specifically for O.P.I., whose nail polish "I'm Not Really A Waitress" is, in fact, perfectly named.

    I suspect you would also be very, very good at such a job.

  4. What a fun job that would be! Dagny beat me to it,"I'm Not Really a Waitress" is one of my all-time favorite nail colors.

    I wore it to work and my boss noticed it. I told him the name of it and he asked "Is the rest of the name ..."I'm really a hooker?"

    Same guy who dubbed me DCup. Natch!

  5. P.S. I love the names you and the Director came up with!

    I was looking at the lip balms. There are a couple of names that go with the theme of your blog: Squeeze My Lemons and Pink My Lemonade.

  6. Growing up, I always wanted to be the person that came up with the Crayon color names.

  7. H - Yes!!! Would that not be the funnest job? Ooh - paint as well - so many fabulous names for room colors!

    Jo - I am always so impressed with people who pull off lipstick perfectly. And with the phonetic spelling of your name in a plethora of languages you might have me beat, actually.

    Dagny - Oh, that's a fantastic name. Is your sister doing something creative?

    DCup - I need to look for this color! And I have to say, while it's a kind of sketch thing for a boss to do, he did come up with a catchy name. And thank you! I hadn't seen the lemon ones - I should definitely get at least one!

    VVK - Wow - you started thinking about this way before I did. I used to love my ginormous box of Crayola crayons - so many great colors and names to choose from. With the built in sharpener.

  8. Be careful of the lip plump stuff. My lips begin to chap after a few days of use. No idea as to why.

    I'd like some Butter My Muffin body lotion - to go with my I've Never Done This Before --- Really. lipstick.

  9. FK - Oh, I love both those names! Love. And hmm. Bummer! I really like this lip stuff but I will bear that in mind.

  10. ooh fun fun fun
    Milk my Cow
    Write my Story
    Kiss my Foot
    Dry my Clothes
    Pull my Hair
    Run my Store
    Walk my Llama
    Beat my Woman

    I could go on for hours....

  11. These are great! I love Shotgun Wedding Scarlet. And there REALLY is a Butter My Muffin body lotion? I need to get some of that.

    L-Do you remember Schuyler (of Ed and Walt-time)? This was her job when she lived was either LA or New York...whereever she was before coming to DC. She named cosmeticsw. And it sounded so fun, but I wasn't quite sure. How can you have a full time, year round job naming make up?

    Bonne Bell LipLix has fun names like these. I cannot find them in stores anymore, but got a bunch on ebay. Nothing nearly as clever as all of these names (like, Walk My Llama, for example), but I have two: Cola Me Later and Expresso Yo Self. And they taste sooo yummy!


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