Splashing about in the shallow end: Disco, colors, makeup, sparkles, la la la

A variety of things have been making me think about makeup lately.

One, I've been listening to a lot of disco-y Scissor Sisters while running. Their song "Kiss You Off" goes "I don't need another tube of that dime store lipstick. Well, I think I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man."

Obviously, this is not really about lipstick. Nor is it profound. But it's catchy and in my head, and adds to the thoughts of cosmetics. It's not quite as fun as She's My Man, but it's up there.

ANYway, I know very little about makeup besides eyeliner and mascara, but I've started wearing this really fun lip gloss. It's supposed to plump up your lips, and maybe it does; I can't tell. Mainly I like the colors and the yummy flavors.

It's a little tingly, in a nice way, and not sticky and the colors are sheer - which is good, because when I wear lipstick I always feel like I'm trying to be more grown-up than I am, silly as that may sound.

One of the things I love about it, though, is that the names are so fun. Water My Melon. Spike My Punch.

Yes, I am the person who will buy a bottle of wine because it has a charming name or they put a cute animal on the label.

The Director liked the smell and asked about my lip stuff as I was putting on Water My Melon. I told him what it was called and said all these glosses seems to be named Something My Something. Verb My Noun.

"Verb? My? Noun?"

Could I be linguistics geek dorkier? Verb my noun?

I couldn't quite remember any other names, so I said, "You know, like Smack My Ass or Bake My Cake or something like that. Something My Something."

Those were lip glosses he was definitely in favor of.

I told him I would love to be the person who gets to come up with color names for different makeup products. So we started making up colors.

Like: Backstabbing Bitch Red, Shotgun Wedding Scarlet, Ménage a Terra Cotta - these could be lip sticks or lip glosses. Maybe an eye shadow in Nibble My Ear Beige, or Tell Me a Secret Silver. Blush in Serial Monogamist Pink. Perhaps some nail polish in Tie Me to the Bedpost Maroon, Rug Burnt Sienna, or Shoot a Friend in the Face Hunter Orange.

And everyone should have sparkly skin lotion called Get Out the Disco Ball!

Oh, the possibilities are twisted and endless and delightful.

The Director is not a man who thinks about makeup. I think it was the Something My Something that caught his attention. If I ever get a fun job like this, I will definitely name a product No More Pants just for him.