Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A day I'd rather be busy

I'm home with the flu, feebling around, supremely tired and achy and grumpy.

In case "to feeble" is not a verb in your vocabulary, it turns out that in English, we can turn anything we want into a verb. As a linguistics professor used to point out, when he was young, the word "party" was only used as a noun.

Oooh, can you tell I'm a massive crankypants? I was home yesterday too, just didn't feel like complaining about it. On day two, however, complain complain. Fortunately, I'm alone.

I blame the flu on the icky recycled air on the planes, although the fact that I ran around sleeping very little and having ridiculous amounts of fun over the weekend probably contributed. Fine. It's probably my fault entirely.

I'm awake enough to be awake, but feeling crummy enough to not be able to do anything. This is a definition of hell for someone who has a mind that doesn't stop.

So today, on our sixth September 11 in the post 9/11 world, on a day that I'd ordinarily be working and busy, I'm curled up in bed with my laptop. And between naps I'm reading online accounts from that day, reading about memorials and commemorative exhibits, looking at pictures, and crying.

I'm not a New Yorker, and I didn't actually live through it, so while I may feel immense amounts of grief, I can't, as many New Yorkers have said, fully get it. I believe that. I wasn't there. I didn't lose anyone in the attacks.

I remember watching the first plane hit the tower on TV and thinking it wasn't real, it couldn't actually be real. It must be a movie. And then it got worse and worse, and you learned it was indisputably real.

Once you'd watched the planes and the towers and the people over and over and over again, you'd think you'd become inured to it. But you don't. Or anyway, I never have.

Those words and pictures, those people, they stop my breath, close up my throat, squeeze my heart. They make me cry every time.


  1. I like this new profile pic. You look Saucy.

    Sorry about the flu. Consider this my virtual gift of seven up and chicken soup.

  2. They make me cry every time, too.

    Feel better soon!

  3. I really hope you feel better soon. I'm crying and aching right there with you over 9/11. I moved in Austin in August 2001, didn't have cable TV and as a result, am haunted by the images and video. Each anniversary, I read the underlying stories over and over. As we all know, it can never be fully understood.

  4. Women in glasses are hot.

    Liked the last pic better though - freckles and a smile...

    My flu presription: Lots and lots of Wild Turkey and Black and White movies.

    Try it sometime.

  5. What better day to be sick than on 9/11? You can accept all the emotions that the day invariably brings to the surface, and also feel a bit sorry for yourself, because you are not feeling well. Better to get it out of your system at home, than to be at work, trying to go through the motions.

    BTW, don't let anyone tell you it's "just" the flu. Really, if they just paid attention, they would notice that it is a) the bird flu b) leprosy AND the plague or c) a new, undiscovered strain of something horribly contagious.

  6. I'm sending you well-wishes that you feel better, Lis! The flu truly sucks.

    I loved this post - I think it's so important to remember 9/11 and the lessons it taught us about both the ugly and beautiful aspects of human nature.

  7. I am actually more numb to it -- it's the way I could cope. I avoid looking at pictures and hearing other people's stories, otherwise, I also can't control the tears.

    I unfortunately had to work today and when my boss saw my face and said "what's wrong?"
    "eh, I always get a bit down when 9/11 comes around since I was across the street and all"
    "you mean across the river?"
    "no, uh, across the street, literally"

  8. I always feel the same, too...like it happened yesterday. I can't believe it's been 6 years already.

    i hope you feel better...

    (nice profile pic!)

  9. So many different things to react to in this post? My goodness!


    1) I second SarahLeigh: Saucy!
    2) Fluids, fluids, fluids.
    3) I'm a New Yorker, and I feel the same way as you. Having been there doesn't make it any more real, in some ways.

  10. Oh Lisa, I hope you didn't catch the flu at my house. I hope you feel better!

    I am just having a bad bout with allergies (Makes me want to shrink my toilet brush so I can stick it up each nostril and itch my eyeballs from the inside).

    Big Hugs! -Kelli

  11. I hope you feel better soon!


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