So listen, if you're not up for vitriol and the F-word, you should probably skip this post.
Get married in your 20s and stick it out. This is what I have been saying to my 20-something friends.
Seriously. Find someone reasonable, marry them, and then stick it out. Be nice to them, and figure out how to make it work.
Because by your 30s? Dating is so complicated.
Because does anyone say, "Wow! You're beautiful! Like, incredibly beautiful. And smart! And funny? How come you're not married?" with the implication that there's something wrong with you, when you're in your 20s? No. In your 30s? All the fucking time.
So I should be less attractive. Or less articulate. Or not say as many funny things on dates. Because then, then perhaps it would make more fucking sense to the man in front of me that I'm not married. And I wouldn't get asked that fucking question.
I'm tired of being complimented in one breath and then asked what's wrong with me in the next. The next time someone asks me that, I'm going to pick up my salad fork and stab them in the hand. I'm not kidding.
By their 30s, people have gone through bad divorces. They've been cheated on or had affairs. They're jaded. Cautious. Angry. Bitter. You name it. They've lived through too many hurtful situations, have made mistakes they don't want to repeat, are scared to commit, scared to get hurt, scared to trust.
So, seriously. There are plenty of perfectly reasonable single people around in their 20s. Pick one you like and marry them. And stick it out. Even if you loathe the person sometimes, stick it out. Unless you loathe them all the time, and then I imagine it's pretty much impossible.
Now, it's true that in terms of marriage I don't know what I'm talking about, because I've never been married, much less in a bad marriage. People say I've never been in a loveless marriage, and I have no idea how terrible it is. This is true. I've also, that I know of, never been cheated on. So I don't know anything about marriage.
But I do know an inordinate amount about dating in your 30s. And while some of it is really fun? Get married in your 20s and stick it the fuck out. This is my advice to men as well, not just women.
Unless they person is mean or abusive, a felon, a pedophile, a substance-abuser, or, I don't know, I'm sure there several more extreme things which are not coming to mind. So, OK, if there's some extreme issue, bail post-haste.
But for the smaller things with reasonable people - there must be a way around them. Annoying habits? There's got to be a way to break them. Boredom? Work through it together. If you can't, get some interesting hobbies. Or more interesting friends. Your spouse doesn't need to be your entire world.