The beard, it kind of snuck up on me. I think it makes Nick look like a big scary man who sleeps under a bridge.
Don't be deceived by the disarming smile.I've taken to calling him Chedo.
I married a clean-shaven man. It is a look I love. I think this is why I wound up on so many dates with uptight conservative men and Republicans in general.
Because although I wanted someone with a liberal outlook, I like the freshly scrubbed, unimaginative, khakis and button down or super conservative suit and tie, I-live-in-Virginia-and-vote-Red-look. I love men who have to wear suits to work.
Sad, but true.
And then, then I met Nick, who looks all conservative (with maybe one grand and glittery exception) on the outside but is extremely liberal.
Nick often doesn't shave on weekends, but by Monday morning he's all shiny and bald-faced again. But there was that long weekend where we had MLK Day off, and then the inauguration. Nick worked both days, but from home. I was in the city with friends Monday and Tuesday, so by the time I saw him Tuesday night, he had all this beard business going on.
It's now been close to two weeks. He's really enjoying it. And he wants me to like it.
He comes home and says things like, "I ran into someone else in my building who thinks I look really distinguished."
I roll my eyes. "OK, Chedo."
And you know, sometimes I try to be manipulative, but I never pull it off. I'm too transparent. We were driving in to work, stopped at a light, and Nick caught me examining his beard critically.
"You'll grow to love it."
"You know, I bet if Chedo Lino's wife really wanted him to shave his beard, he would."
"Lisa. Chedo Lino is not only not an actual person, but he's not even correct song lyrics."
The beard, so far, it stays.
I like clean-shaven men, but the beard can be great, too. If your husband goes on a diet, you can always tell if he's cheated or not by what gets caught in his beard.
ReplyDeleteI found dark chocolate Digestives in my husband's beard last night.
Case closed.
I tend to ever-so-slightly prefer a clean-shaven man.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think there is a strong argument for shaving. Because it's not HIS face he's scratching up when he's kissing you. And really, it's a little much for him to cause you any additional discomfort in your fragile condition (work with me, here).
You might remind him that you're a little busy "growing" to love and bear his child, and a little gratitude displayed via beard-shaving wouldn't be at all out of place.
Unless, of course, he promises to devote all of the time he's saved by not shaving to waiting on you hand and foot, and supplying you with salted licorice. Then the beard might be okay. No?
1. Your child is going to be completely adorable.
ReplyDelete2. The beard might grow on you. (Ha!) Maybe once the beard grows out a little bit it will be softer? My boyfriend lets his grow out over long weekends/holidays in the winter and it actually becomes very appealing. Then again, I know real live lumberjacks, so my judgment is clouded.
If I can find it, I'm going to send you a picture of what B did to his two-week beard after we got home from Costa Rica. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteLast beard I had was after Hurricane Rita. The guys at the office had a beard-growing contest, I won by keeping mine the longest (3 months). It was a sad day when I shaved it off, of course, that was the day I interviewed for the job that brought me here. A fair trade, I'd say.
ReplyDeleteJo - He IS on a diet! I just haven't been looking in his beard!
ReplyDeleteAs for chocolate digestives, oh, yum. Not in the beard, though.
Dagny - I know men who look fantastic with a goatee, so I don't categorically rule out facial hair, but I do love the clean shaven and you bring up an excellent point with the beard prickles. They hurt and I hate the kissing with whiskers.
He genuinely is truly lovely about the preg and the waiting hand and foot, so I would feel bad guilting him. I figure (hope) that after a bit he'll be bored of it. I think it's the novelty.
Miss Kate - I do truly hope so. There is, however, the chance that the kid will look like either Nick's dad or have a nose like his older sister, and quite candidly, I do fret about that, particularly if it's a girl.
Also, you make a good point. If it were softer (and/or if he were an actual lumberjack) I might feel different.
LiLu - What a sheer and utter delight! So excellent!
Foggy Dew - THREE months! Holy cow. And yes, I'd say a fair trade.
Please don't hate me, but I kind of like the beard. Then again you are growing his spawn, so what you say, GOES.
ReplyDeleteI think Nick is being really unfair. You've been singing Chedo Lino lyrics for years. They're real!
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky - Luke couldn't grow a beard if he tried for a century. I'm so grateful.
The more you raise a fuss, the more he will want to keep the beard. Let it go for a while and he will probably get bored with it. Should that not work, a gift certificate to The Art of Shaving (http://www.theartofshaving.com/taos6/home.php)would gently deliver the message that your foot had found the floor of the matter.
ReplyDeleteOddly, the spirit of this advice will also serve you well when your child becomes a toddler.
I would probably let that topic drop, but stop shaving my legs. "OH, this? Someone told me I looked distinguished with leg hair". And then see who has the greater endurance?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Susan. You should have a shaving standoff. When your legs begin to take on a Yeti-esque appearance, he may rethink this whole beard nonsense!
ReplyDeleteBut he does look kind of cute (sorry! i'm still totally on your side!).
As someone who hates to shave, I'm with Nick on this one. :-)
ReplyDeleteAlso, the shorter it is, the scratchier it will be for you... and at least he keeps his neck clean.
The Art of Shaving store in Union Station has some wonderful smelling sandalwood scented shaving supplies, that work rather well too. They aren't cheap, but it may be a good way to hint...
As an avid beard-lover and wearer and misfortuned corporate conformist, by necessity rather than choice, and as one of the few (only?) male readers of LG, I fully support Nick's facial activism.
ReplyDeleteLet freedom for follicles ring!
I like my hubby's beard, but then, he's always had it, it's well-groomed, and frankly, he looks like a chipmunk without it.
ReplyDeleteI love a man who can grow a full beard! My husband's is wonderful and gets better every year as the white hairs become more and more plentiful. I'm not ashamed to admit I ask him to rub his beard against my face just because I love the feel of it so much.
ReplyDeleteLemmonex - I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I do think he looks kind of cute in the second picture. But I hate how it feels.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish that were how it worked in our house.
HKW - You are right! They're real to me!
You are definitely lucky. I love men with downy facial hair.
restaurant refugee - I am sure you are right. That's good advice, both for Nick and for future child.
Susan - That would be an excellent idea, but for the fact that I have really fine hair and it's pale, so even when it's really long, it's not that noticeable. I almost never shave my legs in winter.
FreckledK - See above. I have no clout.
And you are totally allowed to say he looks kind of cute, but I appreciate you being firmly on my side. :)
VVK - I am not subtle enough to hint, but those could be a nice treat for him. I love the smell of sandalwood. Always reminds me of India.
Rough Edges - He will be completely delighted.
J - This made me laugh out loud.
Kate - Sometimes I ask him to scratch my back with it, which feels good because it's so prickly.
He kinda reminds me of Jeff Daniels from the 1993 movie Two Days in the Valley.
ReplyDelete"I hate it when people ask if they can ask a question. Just ask it!"
maybe you could meet half way and he could rock a goatee?
ReplyDeleteAh ha, an issue on which you and I are totally opposite. I adore the facial hair scruffiness. Well, if he can pull it off I mean.
ReplyDeleteMaybe growing a beard is Nick's way of nesting :) Congratulations by the way - very excited for the little person you are bringing into this world! And - I think non-baby moms are exceptionally refreshing (in reference to previous post). Unlike the super protective, exceptionally perfectionist women who go gaga over babies (what they wear, what they eat, how they are politically and socially conditioned etc. etc.), you'll probably approach yours simply from the standpoint of wonder and awe and responsibility - which will make the whole experience that much more rewarding and enjoyable for you and those who get to share in raising him/her. Big hug!
ReplyDeleteMy husband can't make out with me with a beard. It's too painful for me. But he does look cute with it for a little while.
ReplyDelete