I believe in my heart of hearts that he is gone. I do.
It's been more than 24 hours since my dad walked out the door. Probably more like 30.
And the truth is, he didn't want to be alive last time. He didn't. He's been trying and struggling.
If you could keep someone alive by sheer force of energy and will, Betty and I are the people to do it. We have done it and done it and done it. But that only goes so far.
If you simply cannot bear to be here, eventually, you will find a way not to.
I know this. I've been told this a multitude of times.
And the truth is, I believe it's fair, if you simply cannot do it anymore, to let go. I believe you can get to a point where you simply cannot find your peace on this earth, no matter what.
And more than anything, even more than the things I want from him for me, I want peace for my dad.
But it doesn't make it any easier.