Saturday, May 16, 2009

And here is where we are

I believe in my heart of hearts that he is gone. I do.

It's been more than 24 hours since my dad walked out the door. Probably more like 30.

And the truth is, he didn't want to be alive last time. He didn't. He's been trying and struggling.

If you could keep someone alive by sheer force of energy and will, Betty and I are the people to do it. We have done it and done it and done it. But that only goes so far.

If you simply cannot bear to be here, eventually, you will find a way not to.

I know this. I've been told this a multitude of times.

And the truth is, I believe it's fair, if you simply cannot do it anymore, to let go. I believe you can get to a point where you simply cannot find your peace on this earth, no matter what.

And more than anything, even more than the things I want from him for me, I want peace for my dad.

But it doesn't make it any easier.

29 comments:

  1. i am so sorry that you have to go through this on top of everything. I am holding you and your family in the light and wishing you peace and blessings on this journey wherever it ends up. Please dont hesistate to reach out to us, the bloggy world is a mobilzing force.

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  2. *hugs*

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. My God. Lisa, I am so sorry. I pray for peace for your family.

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  4. Thinking of you... hoping you're ok.

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  5. I'm thinking of you and am here to listen. Big hug to you and Betty and Nick. And prayers.

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  6. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't even imagine. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers--and I hope you all find peace.

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  7. I am so sorry Lis. You and your family are in so many prayers right now. I hope that even if you are right this time that you and your family can be strong together and handle this. I'm still praying you are wrong though.

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  8. I have no words.

    So I'll do what I can and offer ginormous hugs - lots of them - and know that you are in my thoughts.

    I'm so sorry, Lisa.

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  9. I'm so sorry Lisa. I'll be thinking of you and your family nonstop.

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  10. As always, hugs. And whatever else you need.

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  11. I am thinking of you and I am in awe of your strength.

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  12. I'm sorry Lisa. There is nothing else to say. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  13. I'm so, so sorry. Many hugs!

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  14. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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  15. I'm so sorry you are still waiting. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

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  16. Yesterday, looking at your tummy picture, I was thinking about how tough you must be to be carrying around that all that baby all the time. Today, I know for sure. Thinking of you, Lisa.

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  17. Oh Lisa, My heart just cracked at this news. I wish all the love and care and concern your readers and friends have could make it all better. I know it can't. But I also know we are here to help you through, what little bit we can. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mom, and all who love your dad. Please keep us posted. Peace Be With You Lisa.
    Hugs, Lynn in ND

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  18. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  19. You are so strong.

    Your family and you are in my heart tonight.

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  20. Lisa -- You and your family are in our thoughts.

    --David

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  21. So so sorry Lisa. :(
    Big hugs to you and Betty.

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  22. just had to come over and say that one more person is out here thinking of you and your family tonight.

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  23. My thoughts are with you and Betty.

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  24. I am sending you hugs to you and yoru family.

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  25. I am sending any emotional and mental strength I have to you.

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  26. I'm sorry to hear this! I'm sending you love and positive energy and hugs!!!

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  27. So so so sorry that you have had to bear this unbearable scary experience time and time again. Keeping your family in our hearts and thoughts and still hoping for the best.

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  28. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My thoughts are with you.

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  29. I am so sorry, you are all in my thoughts

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