This is my friend Kristin. She lives with her husband and two kids in a charming apartment in Paris.
We’ve been friends since 11th grade in Delhi. I met her the first day of school. She is tall and thin and back then she had this long, glorious, blondeyblonde hair. Every single guy who met her followed her around with a dazed look on his face.
So when we met I had an asymmetrical bob that I had just had cut in London on my way back to India, and the first thing she said to me was, “I like your hair.”
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
So it was recently called to my attention – through a forwarded email – that I spend too much time talking about my hair.
This is how it started.
Kris got this haircut that she hated. Which totally affected how she felt. She walked around feeling all ugly and old and just generally loathing her hair. Every day.
If this has ever happened to you, you tell yourself, “It’s just hair.” But every time you look in the mirror, you maybe cringe and shrivel up a little inside.
Or maybe this is just me? You know, the one who spends too much time fretting about her hair. Oh, and also Kris. The other one who does the same.
I'm going to doubt it, though.
Now, I must confess, it is true that I talk about it a lot. I get all agonizey, and I think about it and talk about it and talk talk talk about it and then I change it and then I talk about it some more.
But the truth is, I talk about everything a lot. I have my topic of the week, which could be my hair, and then I am all, oh, look, a butterfly! And then I am all, "A butterfly? Can butterflies have rabies?"
And then Nick is all, "I'll be damned if we're going back to rabies. Look! A crack in the ceiling!"
But the hair.
Yes, I talk about it a lot. But in actual fact, even when I had a bob, I would spend maybe 15 minutes on it per day, including washing and drying. Now that it’s this short, it’s probably more like seven minutes. Or maybe 10.
Very little maintenance time. Leaving me more time to talk.
OK, so. Kris, like me and every woman I have ever been friends with, lives out loud. Everything has to be processed. Out loud.
In other words, it is likely there has been a lot of hair talk in their household.
And then she got this super cute haircut, featured above.
Her husband, G, was out of town. She emailed him a photo.
He responded that he liked it. And then added - and this is the reason she forwarded his email - “In my humble opinion, this obsession about hair takes a bit too much of your/our time, Lisa (sorry, I mean Kristin).”
Now, I like G. And I know he is very much not an out-loud processy kind of person. And his topics of conversation are not frivolous. He's a doctor. He likes to talk about things like epidemiology.
Seriously. When he could be talking about highlights. And layers.
So I am sure that internally he is all, "Gah I'm going to stab myself in the ears if we have to talk about your hair one more time! And I haven't seen Lisa in years! Why do we have to talk about her hair as well? Christ!"
I responded with two questions. One, what would he rather she/we obsess about? And two, do we actually know any women who don't obsess about their hair?
So I am wondering the following.
1. How much time do you spend on your hair per day?
2. Do you think and talk about your hair regularly? Could you give some kind of time estimate?
3. Does how your hair looks affect your self esteem? Or can you just pull it back and forget about it?
4. Anything else you'd like to add? About hair. Or whatever. Except rabies.