Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Wednesday with a side of whine

I know you all like me better when I'm funny, but I don't have a drop of funny in me today.

The funny might be in there somewhere, but it's probably trapped in mucus, dying a slow and ugly death. Kind of like those bugs in amber. Hahaha gasp gasp.

Because here's why: My kid has been sick and not sleeping for a week. Now I'm sick.

Also, I hate my hair. And my shoes. In fact, I think I hate everything today.

Jordan slept all the way till 4ish am before waking up all coughing and congesty and unhappy. This is a dramatic improvement from the awake every several hours all night long that's been going on since Friday night.

However. It's still 4ish in the goddamn morning.

So at about 4:30 I did him the severe injustice of squirting saline in his nostrils and then sucking out the snot with that little blue bulb thing they give you in the hospital. Not to be confused with the squarch bottle. They're very different things.

Can you say Violated! and Enraged! 25 times fast and really really LOUD?

That was him at 4:30 am.

But then he was able to breathe and slept till 7:15 and that made things much better, except that I'm all snotty and congesty and tired and bitter.

Somehow he doesn't understand that it's going to make him feel better, even though I explain it to him. I'm all, "Look, you can breathe now!"

And he's all, "FUUUUCK YOOOOUUUU, NASAL VIOLATOR! WAAAAAAAAH!"

In other words, we're not having healthy dialogue.

Not that I'm happy to be sick, but the good thing about being all congested as an adult is that you're allowed to take decongestants and shit that make you feel better. Or at least allow you to sleep.

Except when someone is yelling for you from the other room. Not naming names, but it starts with J and ends with ordan.

Nick's sister, who is a nurse, said that when her year-old son got sick, her pediatrician prescribed these drops that were an antihistamine and cough suppressant and I don't know what-all so he could sleep at night. She said there were very few things you could safely give babies, and to ask for these.

You bet I did.

Our pediatrician didn't feel comfortable prescribing anything for such a young child. Just saline and humidifier and hanging out in a warm steamy bathroom.

And if this goes on for more than another week, to bring him back in.

I kind of wanted to stab her at 4 am. Fuck you and your warm steamy bathroom and no nose drops for my kid.

And I know this isn't the worst thing on the planet. But I'm fucking tired. And whiny.

I made Nick pinky swear that if this goes on another week, that he'll go in to the doctor's office and give them a stern talking-to and tell them We. Cannot. Live. Like. This. and give us some motherfucking nose drops. Bitchez.

That last sentence is the reason Nick needs to do it. Because he'll be poised and reasonable. Whereas I'd be all shrill and hysterical and maybe even insulting and belligerent.

Which doesn't tend to get you anywhere good. Not speaking from experience or anything.

20 comments:

  1. I've never heard the no medicine for little ones thing. I mean, I can understand not prescribing antibiotics just for the hell of it, but nothing but saline? What, it's supposed to be better for a little one to be miserable?

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  2. I call bullshit on the no medicine thing. I know that's the FDA's party line, but I reject it. I have a sheet of recommended dosages of all kinds of things, including cold medicines, for babies and toddlers. I found it online, I think it's a Kaiser Permanente dealio. I'll see if I can track it down and I'll email it to you.

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  3. Perhaps some new shoes would help? That way you'd have different ones (though I'm sure the ones you have on are lovely), and new shoes always make everything else better for ME.

    Ugh. Hang in there.

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  4. Lisa - I feel like it's better for him to get sleep. But how do you argue with a pediatrician when you don't have a medical background?

    Wendy - I am totally glad to hear that and would love it if you find it.

    Jess - I hate my shoes. I hate my outfit. Totally sensible and dumpy and ugly and ugh. Clearly I need a whole new everything. And I want some high platform over-the-knee boots. Which I totally don't need.

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  5. Dude, if you need back up at the docs, let me know. This is what I make my career in, getting my way.

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  6. You need sleep. Sigh. Poor thing. Lemmonex has got your back. She's your gal.

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  7. I'm not sure about not a drop of funny in you... 'cuz I still laughed. Can I still be laughing WITH you if you aren't laughing too?

    Hope things improve soon.

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  8. You need this: http://www.nosefrida.com/
    Give it a chance. It sounds disgusting at first, but it's not really as bad as you think it will be at first glance. It works way, way better than the blue hospital bulb, and most babies are way more amenable to having it used on them (they may not be thrilled, but they generally throw less of a fit than with the bulby thingy). Trust me. It will save your life.

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  9. Dude, I'm sorry. I hope you are both feeling better soon.

    xoxo

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  10. That stinks: ( They have to be able to give you something for J - poor guy. I hope someone makes you some hot chicken soup - that always helps me (at least mentally). Hope you're both feeling better soon.

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  11. Lem - If I have to go without Nick, I will ask you for help. Thank you.

    Kate - I do. And she does. She's awesome.

    Keenie Beanie - I think that means you're laughing AT me, but I'm OK with that.

    Karen - It seems like a very good idea. I just ordered it from Amazon. Thank you!

    Hillary - Thanks, hunny bunny.

    Kate - Thank you. I appreciate it. My mama's at our house. She'll take care of me.

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  12. I happen to work for Kaiser Permanente, so I went to our internal website. Looks like it supports what your ped said :(

    Don't give cough or cold medicines to children under 2 years of age. If your child is age 2 or older, talk to your doctor before giving these medicines.
    Don't give antihistamines, such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl, for example), to your child unless you've checked with your doctor first. Antihistamines are sometimes used in cold medicines, so check for them on the label.
    Try other home treatments besides medicines. A humidifier may soothe swollen air passages or help a cough. Honey or lemon juice in hot water or tea may help a dry cough. Do not give honey to a child younger than 1 year old.

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  13. I've got two words for you - Baby Benadryl. I have 3 children, and they all remain alive at the advanced ages of 17, 15, and 14, due in large part to Benadryl. And not always for congestion....coincidentally, neither have I been committed to a mental institution or prison.

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  14. hehehe: Nasal Violator. Sounds like some kind of fetish. You brought the cranky funny today. Lisa, with an edge. An edge that'll cut a bro.

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  15. Nasal Violater has to be one of the funniest things I will hear today, I am in a Board Meeting all day so it's bound to be lol. I will use it for amusement throught the meeting in the notes for entertainment. I had a look at the nosefrida too , not that I have a baby but was curious and all. God I wish I had had one when Ben was little.
    Anyway cranky and all you still right a damn good piece and manage to make us laugh.
    Get well soon and J back off and be nice to mumma at the moment because when you are a teenager she is going to make your life all kinds of hell if you dont. :-)

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  16. Me and you in the same canoe.

    Noo funny today.

    Nice to find like minded folk, you know?

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  17. I'm right there with you, same symptoms. Today my drug of choice was ice cream. Which is soothing when one's throat is on fire and sleeping sitting up.

    I hope things get better soon. Nasal violator made me laugh (then sneeze). Big hug to you. I like your action plan w the doc if things don't improve :)

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  18. I know what you mean. I love my kids and all, but when they fuck with my sleep I (and then everyone in my path) see no humor.

    Hang in there! I will admit I've tried the nasal violator myself...it didn't go well.

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  19. Funny or nada drop, I always love ya. But you have a way of being funny even when you think you're not!

    I'm so glad you got momma to help. I've got no advice for the baby, but for me, I bundle up to the point of ridiculousness, pile on the blankies, and sweat it out. It's damned uncomfortable trying to get to sleep all hot like that, but I always wake up cured!

    Thinking of you all, get well soon!

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  20. "give us some motherfucking nose drops. Bitchez."

    I'm picturing you as Jada Pinkett Smith's character "Stony" from "Set It Off" when you say this : )

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