Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Coming to terms with who you are

I went to Costco on my day off - Monday, January 2. As did 800 million other people.

The nightmarishly packed Costco parking lot, the shoving giant carts through giant aisles engorged with people staggering around like they've had head injuries, the thronging hordes clogging every single sample-offering intersection - all of it makes me hate humanity.

It makes me question who I am at core. Which, it is my understanding, is how old-school Republicans feel in the current political world.

And yet, going back to Costco, yet I am drawn back time and again by the 50-gallon jars of pickles, the 84 dozen organic eggs, the 600 boxes of Kleenex. We really do go through them.

In fact, now that I think about this, I'm pretty sure we blow our noses a lot more than normal people. Seriously. And in related news, Jordan, who has had a runny nose since he started daycare, has recently taken to walking up to you, pointing to his nose, and saying, "Blow me!"

On this trip, however, I didn't buy paper products because our coupons for those don't start until January 5.

In other words, Costco, I can't quit you.

One of the things I did purchase was a tremendous box of Dr. Praeger's veggie burgers. It turns out I quite like them, as do Jordan and Betty. Tasty, and you have all those healthy veggies squeezed into one convenient patty!

It's lucky we like them - I bought them on a whim (I'm breezy!) - because, if you are familiar with Coscto-sized anything, you know I have approximately 3 trillion of those patties in my possession.

Something I will share with you, based on recent experience, however, is as follows: Just because they cook very nicely under the broiler in your toaster oven at home - as per the instructions on the box - does not mean that you can just pop them sideways in the toaster at work.

As per nobody's instructions and against the cautions of your more sensible colleagues.

Just in case it might seem like an equally good idea to anyone else.


  1. Oh, what a taunt.

    I am not allowed in Costco.

    After the dent I put in our am ex card with my visits last year ( the tempting ceramic bowls from ITALY!!) my husband only renewed for single more family.

    I shall live through you.

    Happy New Year, lady!

  2. I thought of you the last time I was in Costco. They had these huge baskets filled with brussels sprouts.

    Also, did you notice that the paper product coupons are now Limit 1 per customer? I think everyone's been going through a lot of Kleenex.

  3. My mom once wrapped a case of Puffs as a Christmas present for me. My brothers still consider it the best Christmas present anyone has ever given me.

  4. "And in related news, Jordan, who has had a runny nose since he started daycare, has recently taken to walking up to you, pointing to his nose, and saying, "Blow me!""

    Oh, yeah. He's gonna drive the women wild. ;)

  5. You're funny LG :) And equally sensible to your bright colleagues.

    I don't have a Costco or Sam's Club Membership because I'm too cheap to buy the membership in order to save money buying in bulk. It's hard to follow this logic, I know.

  6. You know, Pentagon City Costco is always a clusterf*k. During non-rush hour traffic, I used to drive down to the Springfield one which is ALWAYS calm. Worth the extra drive to keep my sanity. And the time I spend on the road I save waiting in lines.

  7. Costco is like a zoo. But for humans. Without the cages.

  8. Empress - Unfair! I can't even believe he expected you to resist!

    Happy New Year to you, and all the best to the royal family!

    Jessica - I bought one of those bags. :) I thought of YOU as I longingly eyed the ginormous vats of Nutella!

    And no, didn't read the print! Betty will be disappointed.

    webbiedee - Puffs are great! I would consider that a really good present as well.

    lacochran - Haha! He has no idea what lies ahead!

    HK - I think I'm smart, but sometimes I make some questionable choices. But thank you.

    I understand that. And honestly, as a family we use it a ton, but when it was just Nick and me, we used to split stuff with my parents. It's just so much more useful with a kid drinking gallons of milk and such. And they make the best butt wipes. I wouldn't go through nearly as many without Jordan. :)
    Carla - I should consider that. I've driven to Oakton before, but it's far and 66 is so annoying. Springfield is probably closer and easier from DC.

    Marie - Yes. And it's always feeding time.

  9. We kicked Costco about 4 yrs. ago and never looked back. We drive by that gawd awful parking lot and think "meh"

    I might take out a membership again, if I decide to invite the Russian Army over one weekend.

    We've narrowed it down to 1 fav supermarket, and 1 fav health food store. Bonus: helps us keep our resolve to eat clean, eat fresh.


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