Wednesday, January 18, 2012

In which I inflict my belly button on you, merkin (rhymes with gherkin!) redux, the cat anus topic, and I seem to be rather tangenty

And no, this isn't my merkin. It's my belly button.

I know it's gross. I'm sorry.

And yes, I'm wearing the Justin Bieber polish. I'm one less lonely girl today.

But anyway, because of my last post, I didn't want the Investigator's Wife to think that I had only seen cats with hemorrhoids. Now that I've typed that, I don't know why it matters. I mean, what if I had only seen hemerrhoidal cats? But there you have it. I'm pretty sure the cat anuses I've seen have been normal.

I haven't seen many, though. I'm really really not a cat person.

Also, I don't have a merkin. Not that I think you're judging. But I don't. I just can't seem to get away from the topic.

Also also, the Parisian cat, Gaspard, has stopped with the rapey behavior. One has to assume it was just brief post-ball-snipping madness. Since he's totally calmed down and it doesn't seem to be affecting his self-esteem, I didn't suggest neuticles.

But back to the merkin at hand. My lovely friend Jessica emailed this morning to say, "Whenever I see something about merkins, I think of you. I'm not sure what this says about our friendship, but I suspect it's something magical and delightful."

I'm certain it does. Seriously.

Anyway, she sent me this link, which, as the topic might suggest, should be opened either not at work, or only if you have colleagues who don't freak out about pubic wigs. Also, for the anti-fur among you, it could really piss you off.

Although I suppose it would be a good use of fur scraps, since you really wouldn't need much, even for a rather large merkin. I also saw an article about a designer using road kill in her creations. Her take is that if she weren't putting them to use, they'd be going into landfills. And she makes some lovely, dramatic pieces.

Drawback for the merkin set, however: it would be very hard to market roadkill in your pants. Which is the opposite of sexy.

And I really have nothing to say about pickles. I just like the word gherkin, and it rhymes! I do always get confused by the H in there, though.

Finally, it occurs to me that maybe I live on a tangent?

8 comments:

  1. I'm *very* tempted to send you a picture of my cat's asshole to show how much more puckered his asshole is than your belly button, but I don't want to traumatize you or the cat. I still haven't gotten over the trauma of emailing the vet a picture of my dog's poop shoot (don't ask).

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    1. There are many reasons that I adore you, and now among them is the fact that you sent a picture of your dog's anus to the vet.

      Also, it was more puckery last week. Soon it will be flat with tiny indents and it will look like a wee pig's nose, if history is any guide. It's all revolting to me.

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  2. "Finally, it occurs to me that maybe I live on a tangent?"....Best line to finish an LG post EVER!

    I didn't know until I read this post but somehow it matters to me, too, whether or not you've only seen hemerrhoidal cats.

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    1. Haha - thank you! I do wonder if it's true!

      I love that you say things like this, Heather. It makes me laugh. I don't think I have, honestly. I haven't seen that many cat butt holes, but they weren't pokey-outey. I promise.

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  3. I think the magic and delight stems not only from thinking of you, but feeling absolutely no compunction about emailing you the link, and worrying not at all about judgment.

    I think perhaps you're a nexus, which explains why you'd have infinite tangents to examine whenever you were so inclined.

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    1. You are such a true and utter delight. Honestly. I just giggled when I got your email.

      And I love that explanation! Thank you!

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  4. So my last name is Merkin...I can't tell you how disturbed I am that this may become a thing.

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    1. Oh, I'm so sorry to make you fret! They have been around for centuries, and I would bet you that most people have never heard the word, so don't worry. Apparently they're more popular in Hollywood now because so many people wax everything off. But that's so far removed from normal life.

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