Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Starting 2012 off with a...plop?

Jordan has started talking about poop. A lot.

(Happy New Year!)

He's also gotten back to wanting to read "Where's My Potty?" (to Nick's chagrin) on the regular.

This, to my mind, proves two things: One, he is inching towards potty training. And two, the Lisa Family Force is strong with this one.

He still likes to list where we don't poop. "We don't poop on the couch! We don't poop in Nana's shoe!"

No, we certainly don't, my friend.

So the other day, Australian Builder's dog Tiga pooped on the rug. She's getting old, and she wasn't feeling well. She was terrified. It was clearly an accident.

Jordan was the one who discovered it. He said, "Somebody pooped on the rug!"

Now, you or I would've seen it and realized immediately that Tiga had done it. But in Jordan's world, there was a houseful of possibilities. Was it Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick? Daddy in the kitchen with the roll of toilet paper?

Nick explained that it was Tiga who pooped on the rug, and it was an accident. We all have accidents sometimes.

Mine tend towards the spilling of beverages and walking into walls, but I suppose you never know.

In further poop news, we now announce when we're going to the bathroom to poop. In the toilet. "I'm just going to the bathroom to have a poop in the toilet! I like to poop in the toilet!"

Jordan has gotten fascinated with this.

The other day Nick was looking for a little privacy. I know he wanted to head in there with the Sunday paper and enjoy some manly alone time. Even though I keep telling him it causes varicose veins and the toilet is no place to sit for an extended period of time.

It's true. Seriously. Plus, I just think the fact that men do this by choice is fucking weird.

Anyway, Jordan shot that all to hell by making a beeline for the bathroom as soon as he realized what Nick was up to.

They emerged in much less time than it might take to read the front page of the Times.

"Do you know how hard it is to take a poop with someone staring at you?"

"As a matter of fact..."

"And then, as soon as I did, he handed me one square of toilet paper and said, 'Get up, Daddy! I want to see!'"

That's my boy.


  1. Hilarious! Just when I think you can't put another spin on poo, you do. Put a new spin on poo I mean, not actually poo. Although, I suppose it's possible...nevermind.

    "the Lisa Family Force is strong with this one." Love this line!

    Happy 2012!

  2. First... bahahahahahaha! I love this.

    Second, every time I go to the bathroom now, I think of you. Yep, ever since you told me in my comments about the varicose veins. I reach for the magazine and think "Nope, don't do it! Varicose veins!"

  3. Hahhaaa. A few things:

    1. Yes, seems like it would be really unpleasant to read on the toilet for an extended period of time.

    2. We are far from potty training, but when I sit down I say "Mama tinkle!" and Jane always gets this huge smile... she probably just likes the noise.

    3. When my sister and I were little we liked to "watch each other poop", like, literally we would watch it come out of the hole. Ahhhh, one can only hope to be that close to their sibling, huh?

  4. Giggling to hard to comment. Funny Stuff Lisa.

  5. Pooping is serious business!

  6. Oh the simple joys of childhood... :)

  7. HK - I have this weird vision of spinning poo, which is just somewhere I need to NOT go...

    Heh heh, so you liked the Force reference, huh? :)

    Lisa - Smart! Very smart! No reason to do so, when you can sit on a comfy couch and put your legs up. That is, unless you have kids HOVERING. In which case, I totally understand.

    Frugal Vegan Mom - 1. So many people do, though! I don't understand! 2. I bet she likes the word "tinkle" - it's so close to "twinkle" - which is such a pretty word! 3. THAT is hilarious. Really and truly hilarious.

    Lynn - Hugs to you. :)

    Moomser - It really is. And yet, so much fun to talk about! (for the scatological among us)

    J - No kidding!

  8. Ok so to get my husband off the toilet - since he spends an ENORMOUS amount of time in there - we need to have a kid that is fascinated with poop. Got it.

    Also? Your kid is awesome. Happy new year!

  9. I can't wait until Grady hits this age. Shawn spends a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom. WITH HIS IPAD. I told him about that study that found poop on like 85% of iPads and now he calls it his feces screen. Which is fine when its just us. But sometimes he calls it his feces screen in front of other people and then we just have a lot of explaining to do.
    I especially love Jordan's one square of toilet paper. We don't waste time and we don't waste paper, DAD.


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