Today I have nothing happy or funny or witty to say. I feel crummy. And I'm sad.
This week we ruled out both SARS and Bird Flu. So I have a cold. "That sounds like a cold, my friend." Or allergies. "You look exactly like I look when my allergies are kicking my ass." In other words, I look as bad as I feel, and nobody is trying to pretend otherwise.
The truth is that whatever it is, that, coupled with seeing B at a party last night, has me low low low. Seeing him was fine, actually. It was nice to say hello, and I'd have left it at that. But late in the evening, he came to find me, to catch up. And so we talked about how our families are, and work, and life. And it was nice. I've been wondering.
And then he said, "I'm respecting your wishes and not contacting you." I appreciate that - it's really helpful. I know there are lots of good reasons not to be together, but it doesn't mean I've stopped missing him.
The decision to cut him out of my life was so incredibly hard, but it was such a good one. I am finally moving on, and life is fun again. Guys are fun again. Last weekend, I had such an amazing time with M. And for the first time with any guy since B, I was totally thrilled about the person I was with. I just had fun. I didn't once think, "But what about B?"
As we were parting he said, "I'm sure that in three or four years we'll be great friends."
Why say this to me? What is the point? Once he doesn't matter anymore, he just, well, won't matter. So why would we be friends then? Why?