I take the cold as a personal affront. I get so offended when it is hideously cold out. And yes, I realize this is ridiculous. It has nothing to do with me. I get it. But it doesn't stop me.
Seriously. I can never say, "It's 24 degrees out." Rather, I say, "It's 24 fucking degrees out! What the fuck is wrong with this place?"
Somehow the fuck word makes it all a little better. Or maybe it's the vitriol that warms me.
As I was complaining bitterly about the temperature this morning, a friend of mine suggested that I start a letter writing campaign. I should absolutely protest the unfair cold.
He was all kinds of delighted with the idea of expressing your outrage over something inane but going through the "proper channels" to do so. Of course this was mental masturbation on his part. But I like that sort of thing.
So what would the proper channels be ? I mean, where would you send such a letter? I get protesting global warming, but to whom would you protest something like the cold?
Would you write to the White House? Ha. Would you send them to rock stars, like Moby and Bono? How about the Scientologists? Tom Cruise and John Travolta?
It's kind of amusing to think about. But then, when you stop to consider it, the real question is: who do you think has the power to effect change in the world?
Uh, yeah, if you protest the fucking cold through regular channels, you just know someone, somewhere will use that as an argument in favor of global warming. And fucking cold or not it's been a looooong time since DC was this fucking cold during the winter time.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hate it just as much as the next guy, but the lack of the fucking cold worries me!
I express myself in the same irrational way about the cold. Lots of fuck.
ReplyDeleteOh, and when I first click on your post in Google Reader, I thought it said (for some reason): "Eff the effing cold. I'm going to be President." Maybe my mind is president-oriented due to Iowa? But either way, that would solve the world changing problems, no?
BB - I know, I know - it's been a long time and we need it. But being this cold makes me unreasonable.
ReplyDeletenicoleantoinette - Lots of fuck definitely helps. And I was born in India, so I can't ever be president, even if I wanted to.
Go local. Write a letter, maybe w/o the F word but implied, and send to lead meterologist at the tv station.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, my definition of cold is less than 80 degrees.
Well, if you ever become the President of India? I just might move there. :)
ReplyDeleteI think blogging might be critical here. Let's pretend that all our typed out messages are being funneled to the true powers that be, whatever they are.
ReplyDeleteAnd the more profanity you use, the higher the priority.
Having said that I think I'll title every blog post FUCK!!!(fill in the blank).
Okay, I think my coffee intake has exceeded safe levels.
Write it to my local newspaper. It'd be the most interesting content they've had since, well, ever.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on taking affront at the cold. It's why I left Iowa for California, and now it's not fair that it gets cold here.
ReplyDeleteI'd suggest Reader's Digest would be an appropriate medium for raising hell about the weather. I'm not sure they'd like the 'fuck's tho, so maybe not.
I did that, and proper channels told me to move to Austin. So I did. Now I try to do my part by buying a CO2 tank and opening the valve every day or so. Every little helps.
ReplyDelete[W]ho do you think has the power to effect change in the world?
ReplyDeleteDo you have to ask after last night?? Obama!!! ;-)