And then I burst into tears

I talk a big game.

Because yay, four days and nights of being a grown up person all by myself!

Yes, I'm a mom, but I'm more than that. I'm me, an adult professional. One with bright ideas and networking skills and good outfits and appropriate shoes and understated lipstick.

So there I was, leaving..

Autonomy. Quiet. Freedom to choose to do whatever I wanted to do with my down time. I'd been fantasizing about it for weeks.

And then I woke up this morning with such a heavy heart. Nick and Jordan walked me to the corner, hailed a cab with me, and kissed me goodbye.

And I got in and burst into tears.

I said, by way of explanation, "It's the first time I'm leaving my baby."

The cab driver said, "It's like that. And even when they get older, it doesn't change. I've got two kids in college, and it's still hard."

That made me feel better.

By better I mean less embarrassed about the tears and more terrified by the concrete realization that my fragile heart now resides outside my body.

In fact, it's currently in the hands of a little boy with no judgment and kind of sketchy motor control.

I love him so.