I don't know if you've ever accidentally created a situation on a trip that then horrifies a multitude of people?
Like maybe letting out a fart so vile on a plane that at least 10 rows around you start talking about it? And the flight attendant comes by with air freshener?
If so, you might think that you'd already experienced the most appalling public incident possible while traveling.
You would be naive.
Because maybe you spent over eight hours on Saturday driving to a family event in suburban NY. With your semi-gruntled but becoming more and more disgruntled child in the back seat.
Eight fucking hours.
Because 295 sucked and 95 sucked and 40 sucked and the New Jersey Turnpike sucked.
And then when you pulled off to get your kid something to eat, maybe your kid made a funny noise while you were standing in line at Sbarro.
And that funny noise turned out to be his pre-vomit sound.
Because then he maybe puked all over you and himself. Head to toe.
Which would mean that a number of people would recoil - not least of all the Sbarro people, who were just about to take your order - as you headed out the door to Go. Find. Dad.
And, uh, sorry for the puke, Sbarro. (Nick totally tipped the clean-up guy.)
Nick was waiting for gas.
He was fortunately at the head of the line, so you only had to stand on the side - soaked in vomit, picking lunch off your shirt, with a wailing baby and kind of whimpering yourself - for several minutes.
In your single, child-free days, you likely never imagined that one day you would find yourself: stripped down to your undies wiping vomit off your face, neck, torso, and entire child; throwing both of your clothes into a thank-God-husband-packed-it trash bag; changing a diaper; and changing both of you into clean clothes IN A PARKING LOT OFF THE NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE.
And beyond the kid, it's the barefoot that bothers you, not the nakedidity, because God knows what could be on the ground in the parking lot.
It's amazing how little shame and how much panic you have when vomit is involved.
Seriously, the humiliation might last longer, being stuck next to those people for the entire flight and all, but take it as fact: producing the fart of death on a plane is much less of a production.