Wednesday, August 11, 2010

And now you're going to think I'm on a religious kick, but it's totally coincidental. And sparkly.

So last week, when they weren't talking about merkins over in the Quangle, they were talking about Twilight.

They were explaining Twilight over the cube wall to the New Guy, and Maricel was talking about how the vampires sparkle in the sun.

Me, I am team Jacob all the way. Nothing about the pasty Brit or the marble loins appeal to me - but oh, the sparkle! I love sparkle! But this is not about me and my sparkle fantasies.

Actually, I don't have sparkle fantasies. Or barely legal werewolf fantasies either. In case you're wondering, Nick.

So this new guy on the other side of the wall said, "Wait. They. Sparkle?"

(And of course when Kaysha was telling me I was all, duh, of course they sparkle.)

So Kaysha explained how it was written by a Mormon housewife.

Which can really be used to explain away lots of things. I know; I watch Big Love. In fact, I might start using it as my excuse.

So New Guy had questions about a couple other things, and the fact that the author is a Mormon housewife came up a couple more times...

...until Kaysha asked, because it suddenly dawned on her, "You're not Mormon, are you?"

To which he replied, "No. I'm a Scientologist."

Which is kind of the perfect answer, don't you think?

"Hahahahahahaha! Ha. Ha?" Is what Kaysha said.

Because his response to that was, "What's funny about it?"

Either he's a Scientologist, or he has an really dry sense of humor. We still don't know.

Kaysha wants to ask him if they wear special underwear.

My beef is, he's a Scientologist and he thinks it's weird that vampires sparkle in the sun? Which then makes me wonder why I'm all sticking up for the vampires. The fictional vampires.

I'm not sure what this says about any of us.


  1. They do have that "church" over by Dupont Circle...

    Maybe she could claim that she was wondering what kind of vampires a Scientologist would write about. Catholics like the ones who are damned forever, Mormons like the shiny sparkly ones - perhaps Scientologists like vamps who jump on couches?

  2. I love that New Guy orientation involves an overview of Twilight. Do let us know on the outcome - I'm referring to the underwear of course.

    A new guy moved into in my office this week (from 2 to 3 people) and T-N-G is anti-social. So I've resorted to eavesdropping and yesterday, overheard him say into his headset "We have the same rights as married couples. In the eyes of the state, we are married." Then he said something about the constitution and divorce. Juicy! I'm going to hell for gossiping, aren't I?

  3. Have you seen him in the sun yet? Maybe Scientologists sparkle in the sun

  4. Yes, they do. But then we were thinking, he works here, so he probably doesn't make enough to be a Scientologist?

    Your investigative suggestion makes me a little dizzy. But I will pass it on. :)

    HKW - Hahaha! I didn't think about it as orientation, but I suppose it kind of is!

    Oh, Heather, I love that you're lurking around eavesdropping. It makes work a little spicier, doesn't it?

  5. Ohhhh. I like the drama. You should just tell him you're trying to be inclusive of all religions and you don't know anything about Scientology except the aliens part and ask him to explain.

  6. Basically, a religion needs at least five centuries of paper trail before it can be taken seriously. Anything less and you almost kinda expect its followers to be sparkly vampires. Also, belief systems invented by bad fantasy writers demand ridicule.

  7. Sophie's Sean8/11/2010 1:47 PM

    Based on the fact that I received a sparkly bindi at her high school reunion, I'd say Lisa has sparkle realities as opposed to sparkle fantasies.

  8. I say, Kaysha ask him! Inquiring minds want to know.

  9. I love FoggyDew's approach to what makes a real religion!! Perfect, I'm going to have to remember that if anyone tries to convert us. My hubby says our souls can go to the highest bidder. Signing bonuses, anyone?
    And Kate is a brave one, if she'd open up discussions with a Scientologist. Sorry, any time I have to take personality tests to join, I just don't want to hear a single thing about their religion from them. I might read about it though, but in secret.

  10. Lisa - Come to think of it, I haven't! I'm going to ask around...

    Kate - I just don't think I can. We asked another woman in the office who knows him and she doesn't think he is...but isn't totally sure.

    FoggyDew - That's a lot of paper! Think of the rain forests! Belief systems invented by bad fantasy writers definitely demand ridicule. Bizarro.

    Sophie's Sean - I keep finding those damn sparkle bindis in the most random places. I have a lot of sparkle reality in unexpected moments. :)

    cfoxes33 - I am trying to get her to. I just want to hear her ask.

    Susan H - Definitely a good answer if anyone accosts you with conversion!

    I'm so opposed to organized religion. I don't want to hear anything about any of it. Vampires, on the other hand...

  11. Bwahahahaha! My UFO is better than your sparkly vampire!

  12. Team Edward vs. Team Xenu. Love it.

    At least that leaves out Team Jacob. Blech.

  13. okay but if he was joking? he's kind of awesome. probably he's just a crazypants, though.

  14. I love tales from the Quangle.

    I tried to like Twilight, really I did.

    I'm not Team Jacob, but I'm definitely Team Taylor. Make that Team Shirtless Taylor.


  15. I'm back from holiday and just caught up on all the posts I've missed. Yay! I LOVE your new hair!

  16. Lisa - That's a spectacular way to put it!

    freckledk - Oh, I'm team nice warm werewolf. Love love love Jacob.

    Hillary - We are going to find out. If he is joking, he is awesome.

    Keenie Beanie - Like many other intelligent, well-read women, I was embarrassed at how much I loved the Twilights. Also, I could be Taylor's mother. Delicious, shirtless Taylor. His mother. This horrifies me.

    Miranda - Oh, I've missed you! Welcome back! I hope your holiday was great!

  17. Me? I could just be delicious shirtless Taylors dirty old cougar rreeooww. lol.


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