Before last Saturday, I'd never been to a Friendly's.
And ever since, Nick has been saying he can't believe I shamed us in a Friendly's. He's told pretty much everyone we know.
In my defense, I wanted to go to IHOP. Or Waffle House.
It's a feeble defense, I admit.
So at Friendly's they really are friendly. And they're very child-friendly. Maybe because there are so many children there.
By the time we stopped for lunch, I desperately needed to pee. This is only relevant because I headed straight to the restroom.
Which meant that when our super friendly hostess seated Nick and Jordan, Nick was all, "Sure, he'd love some crayons! That's a great idea!"
Note to anyone who plans to ever have a one-year old: Crayons are not a great idea.
I sat down at the table to a baby with an orange crayon in one fist and orange wax crumbles stuck in all six of his teeth.
So I did what any reasonable person would do. I reached in to pick the orange crayon out before he could swallow it.
At which point he looked me straight in the eye and chomped down on my index finger with his evil sharpy little teeth. Hard.
He didn't break the skin, but barely, and only because my yell scared him enough to open his mouth.
I bellowed, "Jesusfuck!" Loudly.
It was more like, "JESUSFUCK!"
Thus causing pretty much everyone in the half-full restaurant to turn and look. Most particularly the one table next to us with three beautiful little blonde girls, one grandmother, and one aunt.
I apologize profusely and repeatedly. I blushed seven shades of red.
If I could've died of shame then and there, I assure you I would have. It's one thing to swear around your own kid. It's entirely another to yell something that terrible around others.
Also, you should know that I don't run around saying Jesusfuck, much less yelling it. It came from a place of fear.
They were very kind about it. They asked how my finger was.
They stopped to talk to us on their way out. The grandmother and aunt were watching the girls while their parents packed.
They were moving to Kentucky. In order for their father to attend the seminary.
In other words, it's likely they're familiar with the Jesus part of the epithet.