Every day for months and months now, I've been not pregnant.
I'm still not pregnant. And I'm so tired of not talking about it. NOT talking about things like this exhausts me. So here you have it.
I'm 41 and not pregnant. When I'd like to be, oh, 31. And pregnant.
If I were 31, pregnant or not, I wouldn't be dealing with all of this literature that basically says have your kids early - don't wait till you're old! And once you pass 40, your fertility plummets faster than lead weights dropped off the Empire State Building.
They don't say it that way. They use technical terms. And graphs that show how fast your fertility goes to hell after 35. And how much faster after 40.
Seriously. The books are all, time your sexual activity, check your mucus, take your temperature...unless you're over 35, in which case it will be harder. And if you're over 40, well, you've crossed over into the land of abandon fertility hope all ye who enter here. Get yourself to a specialist.
Who may or may not refer to his ex-wife as a bitch and suggest, without having taken your blood or checked hormone levels or all these other things they do, that you jump on fertility hormones, stat.
Because you are 41.
And the thing is, I have this amazing kid who I love more than my own life. I feel lucky and grateful for him, I really do. And I now realize how miraculous it was that we got married and then were all, OK, now let's have a kid...and then we did!
I know women in their 20s who were all, oh, we forgot to use a condom that one time, or I missed a couple pills one month and then suddenly I was pregnant! This is the difference between your 20s and your 40s.
In your 20s, your eggs are just champing at the bit to be introduced to some handsome sperm and to set up house in your well-stocked uterus. By your 40s they're like you. Tired. Jaded. Kind of over all of it, but willing to rise to the challenge if the time and temperature and mood and the position of the earth in the solar system are exactly right.
So there you have it. You can tell me to shut up, that I have this lovely child and I should be satisfied to have him, and I'm being greedy wanting one more.
But I do. I want more family. I want one more.