Watch your ass

I don't know about you, but I totally judge people on their bumper stickers.

And while I'm not terribly political, nothing enrages me like the issue of choice. But that's a whole nother post.

So the judgey. If someone gets all in my way and is a terrible driver, I'll be all annoyed, but then if they have a sticker for a politician I like, or for the Humane Society or something, then I'm all, "Oh, they're from Virginia. Maybe they're lost."

And the reverse is also true, but more so. So much more so.

If you're advertising beliefs that are antithetical to mine, I immediately assume you're a tremendous asshole and you're probably on your cell phone.

Little Betty is under the weather, and so last night I drove out to bring her to our house. I just feel better having her under my nose and knowing exactly how she's doing.

Anyway, I was on my way out of DC and for three different lights I was stuck behind this minivan with Virginia plates. It was festooned with numerous stickers.

The two I remember are: "Choosy Mothers Choose Life" and "What's the Cost of Abortion? One Human Life." The others were of the same ilk.

Light one: I read the stickers and had this extreme urge to throw my car into reverse and ram into the back of that minivan as hard as possible. Multiple times. A la Fried Green Tomatoes.

The light changed before I could do this. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have.

Light two: I tried to get in front of them on the way to this light, one because they were slow, but just fast enough, and two, because being stuck behind their enormous proselytizing minivanass was making me mad.

I was unsuccessful. But this light went fast.

Light three: I remembered that I have that awesome Cut Your Seat Belt and Escape from Death! hammer that lovely Laura bought for me in my glove box. I pictured myself jumping out of my car, running up to theirs, and smashing the shit out of their windows.

I didn't do this either.

Karma and The Law, you know?