Wednesday, August 17, 2011

In which I realize that I'm actually very pro-underwear

Have you noticed how the quality of sunlight has already shifted here in the northern hemisphere? It's fall light.

It hasn't started making me nervous. Yet. The crepe myrtle is blooming and it's still plenty warm out, although this morning I felt a slight chill in the air.

And by chill in the air, I mean it wasn't 1000 degrees. Normal humans probably wouldn't go so far as to say chill.

But it's got me thinking about fall. Well, that and the fact that Boden keeps sending me emails of things I might like. Because even with all the unsubscribing I've done, Boden, I just can't quit you.

And I would like this blazer, I really would. Except that I'm not so much on paying $224 for a spur-of-the-moment jacket. No matter how British it might make me feel. Also, I can't really think about touching wool right now either. I need an actual chill.

Plus, here I must admit that I've never aspired to feel British in my life. Although I would quite like one of these kilts.I wouldn't wear them together though. I promise.

I mean, I'm not big like Nick so there's no chance of this gigantor wall of plaid walking towards you like when he wears his seersucker. I'd probably look more like a small plaid side chair and ottoman. Still not a look I'd be aiming for.

Also, why are men in kilts so enticing? Is it because they're Scottish and so they have those deliciously unintelligible accents, which makes them all the more intruiguing? Is it the fact that they're not wearing underwear underneath?

I mean, if I met a man in a bar and he told me he wasn't wearing underwear, I'm quite sure our conversation would cease then and there. But if I met a Scotsman in a kilt, even though I would have no idea what he was saying, I tell you, I would follow him around all damn day.

I once did so in Peru. He was wearing jeans, though. I have no idea about his underwear situation. And I wasn't exactly following him, because we were on the same tour. But I probably did walk a bit too close. The accent! The inability to understand what he was talking about!

So I don't think it's the underwear issue.

And actually, I imagine that that wool would be hot and scratchy on your penis. Don't you think? It's actually kind of icky, now that I think about it, because how often would you dry clean a kilt? You'd just have all those sweaty penis germs hanging in your closet or folded in your drawer (how do you store kilts) just accumulating every time you wore it.

Maybe I'm more pro-underwear than I think.

And PS, I don't really sit around imagining how scratchy a kilt would be on my penis. Or maybe I do.

Ooh, look, shoes!
Image credits: Boden, Boden, and Bloomingdales (Sounds kind of like a law firm, no?)


  1. Did you see Trainspotting? I saw it in England and between not understanding what the were saying and all the Brits laughing loudly at the jokes, I missed half the movie.
    I vote for very scratchy, at least a new one.
    Cute shoes.

  2. The Scots accent is the only one that truly makes me swoon. The thought of a bit burly Scot in a kilt, sans-underwear, totally turns me on.

  3. Stacey - I've only seen bits of it. I'm sure I'd miss the jokes entirely.

    Wendy - I know. Potentially sweaty penes and all. So effing hot.

  4. Aren't penises (or peni) hot and scratchy anyway? I know my imaginary penis is always sweaty and itchy.

  5. haha LG.. my husband loved his Kilt... He said it was quite comfortable and not at all hot and airy. As for penis germs.... hmmm... And his kilt is stored in a closet with the coats etc.

  6. I have a co-worker that used to do the Highland Games thing. He found throwing telephone poles fun, which is always an interesting (read: kinda terrifying) thing to learn about people. Anyway, he said they have underwear checks at the games. There was once a guy that showed up to compete sans undies and they had to find him a pair.

    "I'm sorry sir, you can't throw any telephone poles until you're wearing boxers."

    I think someone had an extra pair or something. I kind of zoned out on the logistics because I really didn't want to start thinking about the hygiene aspect of finding underwear at a sporting event.

  7. Okay. I can't really comment on the itchy penis. It makes me think of STD's for some reason. Not quite sure why or how, but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of an itchy penis.

    Also, although I live in Colorado, I was born in Scotland. Yes. It's the accent. And I think also it might be that some of the highlanders are indeed HUGE. Muscle huge, not pot-belly huge. :) Just wanted to put that out there.

    And the shoes -- very cute, but holy mother mary I am sure expensive.

  8. That shoe distraction didn't work, now I can't stop thinking about penis germs on kilts. Thanks for killing it for me! Also, glad to know you won't be wearing the blazer and skirt together, because that would just have been too much going on at once.

  9. Although I love my husband's English accent, there is something simply delicious about being called "lass" by a Scotman, don't ya think? Don't tell D I said so, though. :-)

  10. I'm thinking of a news item I read that said something about a Scottish wedding having to be broken up by the police coz the bride punched the groom after he'd sat on her knee and left a skid mark on her wedding dress! Ha!

    And yes, the accent does it for me too!

  11. I noticed that the light is slanting different and thought of you......sweaty in kilts.......Scottish men......I am so easily distracted.

  12. Nicole - OK, this sounds totally weird but my imaginary penis is always cool and clean.

    That gentleman's lady - You know what I didn't take into account? Scotland is significantly cooler than DC! Here, it would be dreadful. There, perhaps refreshing?

    Lisa - I got a little dizzy thinking about enormous men in kilts throwing telephone poles. It makes me swoony, seriously. Aaaand then that's immediately killed by the idea of foraging for underwear at a sweaty sports event. Ew.

    Moue - Yikes. It's like that Johnny Cash Ring of Fire song.

    Born in Scotland? Wow! And thanks for adding to my Scotsman lust by telling me how big and burly they are! Swoon!

    They're $119, so not cheap but not hideous. If I get them, they'll be my wear every day at work for fall shoes.

    Moomser - Uh, sorry. But you'll forget. Just as I will next time I see a hot guy in a kilt.

    Keenie Beanie - Delicious is the right word. I'll never tell.

    Miranda - That is horrifying. All around. And quite funny!

    Lisa - You and me both, my friend. But you have a more daunting task at hand than I, as I'm still a hamster on a wheel.

  13. You need to get Nick one of these: Imagine your "wall of seersucker husband" sporting a Utilitux. Yep, I'd pay good money to see that.

  14. Am I missing something? Can kilts not be washed?


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