Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It wasn't the milk; it was the whine

So Jordan has been kind of a whiny little bitch lately.

I mean, yes, I adore him and the air he breathes and of course I consider it an honor to call him my son and to wipe the poop off his bottom.

But he's still been behaving like a whiny little bitch.

In fairness, he's had a cold, so he's not feeling 100 percent. But cripes, the WHIIIIINING started weeks ago, and so I know it's not totally cold-related.

And it makes my blood pressure go through the roof while simultaneously causing my head to melt.

I pick him up from day care and he's all excited to see me and we have a nice little walk home and we chat about his day and then he just hits this point where he starts to WHINE. It's the whining. The whining fucking kills me.

Honestly. I'm walking along all normal-headed and then the whining starts and what used to be my head is now like 300 degrees and oozing down my body. There's steam rising from my neck hole.

So last night there was the WHINE SOB! "Fiiiiix it!" from the living room as I was cooking. Because the backhoe, which is too small to pick up the car, couldn't pick up the car.

I've explained this 54 million times. The backhoe is too small. The car is too big. It can't pick it up. It's just not big enough.

And still, he insists. "Pick it up! You do it!" And he whiiiines.

And there was the WHINE because I NEED GOLDFISH! I NEEEEEEEEED GOLDFISH!

While I contemplated saying no, that he could have goldfish after dinner, I weighed it against the quiet I might have while he worked his way through goldfish and I got dinner ready.

I gave him the damn goldfish.

No, I'm not proud. Just...tired.

And I couldn't ask my mom to step in because Jordan had been a huge dick to her for a couple days. Seriously. He was hurting her feelings.

She would ask him something and he'd say, "Don't talk, Nana!"

We'd make him apologize, and tell him we don't talk to people like that. And then he'd do it again.

We were finally having some dinner with a mere modicum of WHINING when he knocked over his milk.

It was an accident, completely inadvertent.

As was my reaction. Which was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRERAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!"

I yelled. Very loudly. It was maybe more like a roar. I can't exactly recall. It was just this extremely loud sound that came out of my mouth. And made me feel a whole lot better.

Jordan just sat there, eyes wide, with a "holy shit" look in his face.

And then I mopped up the milk. I said, "I know it was an accident. You didn't mean to spill the milk."

He reached up his arms for a hug, and I hugged him, and then he ate some more dinner.

12 comments:

  1. The whining drives me nuts as well. I'm told that it passes. We'll see.

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  2. Oh God, the whine... I feel ya. But at least yours can vocalize what he wants. I get grunts and "this this this this" and then the wiiiiiineeeeees when I can't figure out what "this" is. Oy. The terrible twos are not easy.

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  3. I follow your logic here, especially on the gold fish...sorry about the whining.

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  4. I've found that as the years go by, and the number of kids in the house increases, the whining gets easier and easier to ignore. Granted I only have two kids, at four and two years of age, but it's proven true for me and it's the only way I can fathom being one of those people who've got 6 or 7 whiners in their house.

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  5. not that I would want 6 or 7 whiners in the house. I'm not completely crazy yet. Nor deaf.

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  6. Seriously. Please, oh please, let this be a VERY short lived phase. I've actually started telling him to talk in his "not whiny" voice, and he'll do it. It's pretty funny actually, he makes a very intentional deep voice. But I think it's kind of a gain. He whines, I ask...and, oh gaud. I throw goldfish at him when he's like that.

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  7. Oh, geez. All I can hear is my mom saying "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you talk like that" to my brother and walking away (I'm significantly older than he is). As I recall it doesn't stop it completely but it certainly reduces the frequency (as well as your exposure to it). Good luck!

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  8. Wendy - It started out of the blue, this sudden whinestorm. I don't know how long it's supposed to last, but I sincerely hope he and I both survive it.

    Luna - Oh, that would be harder. I imagine his frustration level is higher, which makes it all the worse. Hang in there! Ugh!

    HK - I don't think it's the best approach, but it's what I do in desperation.

    Moomser - Haha! I am glad you clarified! I was like, wow, would she really???

    lifeversiontwo - That's pretty funny. I've been saying not to whine...but not giving him an alternative suggestion. Smart! And yes, here, have the goldfish! Have the bag! Just stop with the whining!

    Andie - I am going to try that! Because reduction in frequency and exposure would be huge for me. Thank you!

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  9. my son is the exact same age (i saw your post about Jordan turning 2, and my son's birthday is the same week) and he is also in a whining phase. ignoring it is tough, but it works. when you can. of course, we have a newborn in the house, so lately shutting him up with goldfish or cheddar bunnies has been choice numero uno.

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  10. If it makes you feel any better, my colleague once told her eleven year-old son to stop being "such a pussy." Cannot. Imagine.

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  11. This reminds me of an essay in "The Bitch in the House" called Mommy Maddest, about how effective a well-timed roar can be. I highly recommend the book.

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  12. Kids need to know you can roar and that you have a limit and it's a good idea not to push you too far. A good well timed roar occasionally does make them stop and think holy shit she has a angry mom side thats kinda scarey and I dont want to bring that side back out again.

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