Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Itchy and squarchy

So if you've been pregnant you know that it's this big body- and mind-fuck of an evolving science experiment.

Of course, if you've never been pregnant but it's something you want, then what I really mean by the above is that it's a beautiful, serene experience. Nothing alarming happens to very personal parts of your body like your anus and you never have daily WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME kinds of moments.

Although truthfully, I'm not so freaked out by body stuff this time. If you were on the pregnant ride with me last time, you know that I had these daily hysterical preoccupations.

This time I'm all, oh, right. This is the point where I feel like I've been run over by a bus. But eventually, I won't feel that way. And oh, here's the sticky sticky 5-million wipe poo. Must remember to bring baby wipes with me to work. And also to push my sleeves up before I get to work.

Fortunately, I kept my squarch bottle. This morning, I sang myself the following ditty:

"I wanna squarch right now
I'm Rob Base and I came to get down..."

In case you, uh, lived through the 80s and remember that fine tune. Otherwise, nevermind! Look, a squirrel!


I know that eventually I'll hit the I CAN'T SLEEP AT ALL AND IT'S YOUR FAULT AND NOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX TO SOFTEN MY CERVIX AND DON'T EVEN TRY IT I HATE YOU MOTHERFUCKER point. But hopefully that's a couple months away.

See how much calmer I am this time?

One thing I have gotten recently is incredibly TIRED. Like, back to first trimester exhausted. I pull myself out of bed in the morning by my fingernails. Even when I go to bed at 9 pm, I wake up so wiped out I can barely function.

I drag through the day, doing the bare minimum. Nick and Betty are really picking up the slack. I am lucky about this.

Also, I've gotten so ITCHY! Itchyitchyeeeeeeeee kinds of itchy. I've been putting on Palmer's cocoa butter cream and Lubriderm and then slathering Baby Oil or Vaseline on top of it. All over my body.

And still! Within a couple hours! Itchy!

The other day, I was about to pull up my pants and put hand lotion on my legs when my boss appeared at my desk. I seriously had an entire handful of lotion that I then had to rub into my hands.

Lots of awkward hand rubbing. It wasn't a situation where I could be all, "Hey, want some?"

So what I'm wondering is, does anyone have a suggestion for an insanely moisturizey moisturizer? I'd love to not have to add the serious grease to my body and clothing. I'd love to reduce the itch.

Also, you can't necessarily itch the places you need to in public. So then you're stuck in a meeting trying not to think about your itch when really all you can think is HOLY CRAP MY NIPPLE ITCHES!

In other words, I need help. Seriously.


  1. I use Eucerin, it comes in both a creme and a lotion. The creme is good for at night because its greasy but the lotion is good for day to day. Also, when I get super itchy I do Alpha-Keri body oil and then the Eucerin on top of it. And then try not to slip and slide into my clothes.

  2. I use Aveeno - I think it absorbs the best of any that I have tried. Also get a humidifier and sleep with it on at night. They also make personal size ones you can put on your desk, but I'm not sure how much that will help in a open cube area. The humidifier works wonders on my skin in the winter.

  3. I like the Body Shop's hemp lotion (but maybe pregnant ladies need to avoid hemp oil? Dunno.)

    After Grady was born, I'd go to the bathroom and then have to rinse my ground beef vagina and EVERY time I'd sing "squarch, squarch, squarch" to the tune of Will Ferrell's Anchorman's "scotch, scotch, scotch." It was pretty much the only thing that made me laugh those first few weeks. So thank you for that!

  4. I was much more exhausted the second time around, probably because I already had a toddler underfoot and was working full time (as opposed to working from home in Hawaii and going to the beach every afternoon at 3:30). And I think everything about pregnancy is amplified after the first one. Thank goodness for Betty and Nick. And the squarch bottle. And lotion. Speaking of, Eucerin is great. The air is super-dry here in Colorado, and Eucerin seems to be everybody's go-to moisturizer.

  5. Clearbluewater3 - Thank you for the recommendations. My mom has a bottle of Eucerin - I'll try it. I've tried Alpha Keri lotion (which was ok, not great for me) but not oil.

    Megan - Humidifier! We have one! I will start with that tonight. Thank you!

    Hillary - I don't know if I could deal with hemp right now. I had a hemp shea butter cream and I didn't love the smell.

    Also, the term "ground beef vagina" makes me very very twitchy. Scared!

    Wendy - Thank you for telling me that, because I have really been wondering if I have something wrong with me. I know every pregnancy is different, but I was not this wrung-out tired in the second trimester last time. Now I feel like I just kind of exist between sleeps.

  6. I just got a sample of something called AHAVA foot moisturizer, and it's awesome. Otherwise I use St. Ives 24-hour formula, and Burt's Bees coconut peppermint foot creme. Skin drinks it up, but you'd probably want to wait a handful of minutes before putting on clothes so maybe it's not all that practical.

  7. The Burt's, I mean. The St. Ives isn't greasy.

  8. Just wondering if it could be any meds you might be taking? I itch like hell on a certain med I take and I finally looked up side effects. ITCH! and although lotion and scratching helps, it's still a pain in the ...ahhhh....neck. And I love the suggestions for the humidifier. I've been meaning to set mine up too because the static in this house is enough to kill this old heart (or start it up again)

  9. Oh and the meds could be making you tired too. Mine do, tired and itchy. Geeze I have a lot of your symptoms. Crap! I hope I''m not pregnant and don't know it! Oh, but then again I really wouldn't want to know it at this point.

  10. So. This will make you smell like a stripper (and this is actually true, as most women who have had occasion to visit the ladies' room in a strip club can tell you), but... the body cream tubes from Bath and Body works. Fortunately, they do have *some* scents that are a little cleaner, like coconut lime verbena. But the cream is pretty heavy-duty, and it goes on without being too greasy.

  11. elis - Thank you for the suggestions. I like the idea of non-greasy if possible.

    Lynn - This is not a bad thing to look into, although I'm on same meds as before and never itched. And I take them at night to get rid of the tiredness, which has always worked before. But in any case, I'm going to ask my midwife about all of it next week, particularly because a friend emailed about the possibility of cholestasis, which would be scary. I'm going to see how humidifier, heavy cream, and the rest of it go.

    Jessica - Thank you. I've never been but I don't mind smelling like a stripper, and a tube I could carry around would be cool. As long as it doesn't smell too sweet and cloying. The only (ex-)stripper I know would never be described that way though, so maybe I'm safe?

  12. Whenever I get sunburn, I use Vaseline Intensive Care lotion with Aloe on my skin. I swear by it, that this lotion prevents peeling and maybe itching. Hugs to you! Love the drawing!

  13. i swear by The Body Shop body butter. it's expensive but i've used it forever and it's magical - even through my pregnancy (though i did have to change the scent during that time)

  14. Okay, first of all, posts like this are why I love you. I'm totally going to sing "I wanna squarch right now" in a week. Second, I HIGHLY recommend ditching your regular soap and getting your hippie on. (I'm not a huge proponent of hippiedom but I'm a true believer in natural skin care.) The Kiss My Face olive oil soap has changed my life. My husband's too. No more stripping of the skin's oils - just clean without the itch (and no more hives for my husband). I also use Earth Mama Angel Baby natural stretch oil as my body moisturizer - that sh*t is worth 10X what I paid for it. It soaks right in, no fragrances to trigger more itch, and I use it all over - not just on my belly/butt/boobs. If you don't mind smelling like a pastry, I also love Carol's Daughter Love Butter, but it can be a little on the greasy side.

  15. Coconut oil (it doesn't smell gross either). I usually put coconut oil, then a body butter on top. You're extra greasy for a few minutes, but it's all absorbed soon enough (if you're patient, put the oil and wait until it's absorbed to put the body butter. I'm not patient.)

  16. Also, mention it to your doc, because there's a condition that CAN onset in pregnancy (cholestasis)that causes extreme itchiness. It can be serious but also managed.

  17. My mom swears by this stuff for dry skin, but I can't bring myself to buy some because of the name:

    That said, the name is funny...

  18. I get really itchy on my knuckles every winter. Eucerin works for me.

    I'm reading this and thinking how funny and true this is. Pregnancy really is a crazy science experiment.

  19. Sounds like you're already on the Palmer's oil -- but there's a specific one for pregnant woman in the shower, that I would dump all over myself after every shower. It helped. (Bonus -- nipples all kinds of soft and ready for nursing without chapping.) Also: by third trimester when I went to the doctor, he looked at my legs and said "Oh, you've been getting a lot of mosquito bites!" and I said, "No, I've just been scratching myself 'til I bleed." And he laughed and thought I was joking.

  20. HK - Nick loves that lotion. I like how it smells, but it's not rich enough for me. I have such dry skin, even not winter, even not preg!

    And now every time I draw something I think of you. :)

    jen - It is kind of crazy how much smells matter, isn't it? I don't typically have a sensitive nose, but now, now there are so many otherwise-innocuous things that I just can't handle.

    Guacaholic - ONE week! Yay! The squarch bottle is truly your friend. It's great.

    And thank you for the hippy suggestions. I like Kiss My Face products! The others I hadn't heard of, but will look into! Thank you for hippie suggestions!

    carla - I used to put coconut oil in my hair when we lived in India! Great stuff! I am not patient, so I'll be another greasy one.

    Julia - Thank you. I'm definitely going to talk to them about it next week. Cholestasis and the risk of stillbirth is very scary.

    vvk - I have used that for my hands, and I like it, but I don't know if it absorbs well enough for my current purposes. Don't be deterred by the name, though! (Also, have you heard of Bag Balm? :))

    Lisa - Somehow, I find myself unable to remember a prior winter. Maybe I always get this itchy? I have no idea. This inability to retain is also part of the science experiment. Frustration!

    Karen - I have the lotion but not oil. I am definitely going to add an oil to my shower routine, and I hadn't thought about the nipple bonus. Mine were from hell last time.

    I haven't scratched until I bled since I got bitten around both ankles by sand fleas. Waking up at night scratching is terrible.

  21. ok, here's the deal. I got an unopened sample of a Japanese Sake bath soak at my local thrift store for one dollar. Later that day I filled the tub up with hot water and added the sample and had THE MOST TRANSFORMATIVE BATH OF MY LIFE. It was amazing. My skin felt fantastic, and for at least a week water beaded on it, attesting to how moisturized it had become from the bath. SO, naturally I looked it up online to see about buying some and it is NOT CHEAP (see below). Even though I am very frugal, if I ever FIND A JOB, I am going to buy some for myself. Here is a link to it (though should a pregnant woman soak in rice wine? hmmmm)

  22. also - forgot to mention that even though this product was super moisturizing, it was NOT greasy, and did not leave a film in the bathtub, another bonus.

  23. My favorite is coconut oil- because I seemed to have developed an allergy to every non-food oil and moisturizer. And I get at the grocery store. And also I do Oil Cleansing Method. Because I've turned into an unfortunate hippie. I feel clean and for the first time the altitude does not make me itchyitchyITCHY. OCM was a little weird to me at first, but somehow it works for my skin.

  24. Ahh the itching, my c-section scars still itches at times, 19 years after having the offspring. I have at tomes scratched it raw , ouchies. I am a huge fan of the 'Apicare' range, natural manukau honey products fantastic for the itchiness and leaves skin so soft and feeling lovely. Have a look at their site you might find something on there. I think they send globally, if not I can always get it for you and send it over. I wouldnt be without my Apicare lotion / creme now. Swear by it.
    ps stay away from anything with peppermint in it while you are preggers.


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