Someone arrived at LG the other day looking for "how to end a date when you know you don't want to go out again."
And I thought, "Oh! Something I can relate to! And have strong opinions on!"
Ending early dates is hard. You don't know if the person is going to kiss you. You don't know what they're going to say. You don't know what they want. Sometimes you don't know what you want.
Now, I have to admit that when someone I know I don't want to go out with again ends a date with, "I'd love to do this again," I get wimpy and say something agreeable. I am not proud of this. But I'd never put someone on the spot like that either.
In fact, I was all annoyed at this guy for saying, at the end of a first date, "I'd like to get together again. Would you?" Aaagh! Why ask me right then and there?
And what do you say, faced with that? "Oh, no, not really. But thanks!"
There's no way I could say that. And he's a friend of a friend. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I definitely didn't want to go out with him again. I very quickly said something like "Sure! Let's email!" and rushed off. Knowing that I would decline through the distance of cyberspace.
And then a friend of mine reminded me that when it is someone I do want to go out with again, I get all excited that he says he wants to go out again before the date is over. This is true.
But here's what I think you should do if you know you don't want to go out with the person again. Or even probably don't.
Just say, "Thanks. I had a nice time." Or, "It was nice hanging out with you." Or, "I had fun." Something brief and innocuous along those lines. And then say goodbye. And leave.
If you're one of those people who kisses out of obligation - don't. She'll think you want to kiss her again in the future. Although I suppose you could kiss her really, really badly. And then she'll never want to kiss you again...
Hmm. That's something to think about. But then you risk getting a nickname that includes your terrible kissing skills. OK, ignore this tangent. Back to the issue at hand.
So you've said your non-committal pleasantry. You're not obligated to say anything further. In fact, don't. Even if she's standing there expectantly, or hopefully. Don't say something that implies a future date when you know you're not going to follow through.
Because this is something I have never understood about men. Men who are perfectly nice people, not malignant or ill-intentioned, will say misleading things at the end of dates. Things they have no intentions of following through on.
Things like, "We should do this again sometime."
Or, "This week is busy but let's look at our calendars for the following week. I'll email you."
Or, simply, "I'll call you."
Why do this? Why bother saying things you are never going to do? When nobody is asking you to say anything?
Guy friends have explained this by saying that sometimes say they get nervous. Or they want to end on a positive note. Or they just feel like they have to say something.
No! You don't have to say anything! In fact, it's unkind to plant false hope. It's not that hard to say Ihadanicetimethanksbye! If you jumble it together it only takes one breath.
And then, the next time you run into the person, you never have to say, "I lost your number." Or, "I lost my phone." Or, (in some alternate reality) "I'm an asshat who told you I'd call you because it seemed like the easiest way to end the date."
With one quick, no-offer date ending you can avoid being either a liar or an asshat! How great is that?