The jerking? Of the knee? It happens so fast.
It didn't used to be like this. I used to just walk around trusting people. Hi, nice to meet you! Sure I trust you! Come on in and get comfy! Want some coffee?
I've just dated so many crazy, damaged people over the last couple years. Or maybe not so many. But I got invested in a few notable ones.
You know how your friends will always say, "Oh, sweetie. It's not you. It's him." - and you want to believe them?
At some point you figure out that actually, sometimes that's true. Maybe even much of the time. But if there are enough of them, you have to sit down and examine the hims that you are choosing.
And then you figure out that even though it's true, that doesn't matter. What I mean is this. If you pick a guy who likes you, but when he gets emotionally close to people, he gets mean, well, that's his issue - it really is him and not you. But you've still gotten invested in someone who is mean to you. And you have to recover from that.
Or if you pick a person who likes you - you can see it in his eyes and how he is when he's with you - but when it comes down to it, he's had enough damage in life that he's not ever going to be open enough to be vulnerable again, well, you've gotten invested in a person who might be lovable but can't love back. And then you have that to recover from.
And so, moving forward, when you have the tiniest inkling that something might lead to you getting hurt for whatever reason, if you get invested, which you are very cautiously not doing, wow, does that knee jerk faster than you can blink.