My Day in Court, or, a Guest Blog for the Faithful

Lisa asked me, Nick, if I would guest blog while she is in San Diego. So, here is the story from my perspective.

As we were getting ready for bed one night last week, Lisa walked out of the bathroom, toothbrush in mouth, and asked "What would you do if we got into a fight and I swallowed my engagement ring?" She raised her toothbrush in the air as she asked; however, this did nothing to soften the whole mouth-full-o-toothpaste aspect.

Now I want you to picture the scene - I am sitting in bed, facing Lisa as she stared at me while awaiting my answer. Waving her frothy toothbrush in the air for emphasis. It was not one of those situations where the questioner was going to go away if confronted by silence.

"What?"

"You heard me. If I swallowed my ring? What would you do?"

"This is not a conversation that needs perpetuating."

"What would you do, seriously?"

If you read on a regular basis, you know Lisa. I know Lisa. There was no dodging this one - the die was cast. So, before we were going to be able to sleep that night the question was going to have to be resolved to her satisfaction.

"I would probably take you to the hospital, as I'm pretty sure the edges on it would cut your insides?

"How? What would they cut?"

Now, I started off college pre-med. I did it for one term before I realized that I hated lab. However, I do recall from my youth our family dogs eating all sorts of detritus (crayons, string, socks, marbles) that what goes in will eventually come out. And the ring has some fairly acute edges.

"I am sure the prongs would cut you on the way out."

"Are you sure? How do you know that?"

This is exactly where I didn't want to be - defending a thesis concerning the anatomical mishaps that would result from an engagement ring's passage through one's alimentary canal. Recall, in fact, that I was the one already in bed and bent on sleep when the question arose. This required a change in tactics - I had to go on the offensive.

"I just think so. Why would you ever swallow the ring in the first place? What have you been reading?"

"I was just wondering. Would you strain it out of my pooh?"

"Sweetheart, I bought that ring. I am still paying for it. Yes, I would strain it from your pooh."

Lisa laughed a little bit and went back into the bathroom to spit. Finally.

In just a few more seconds, both of us were in bed, the lights were out, and we were both happy about the way things worked out.