Which would just be so awkward if you ever got arrested

So, I don't know how much you know about zebras. And really my knowledge of them is very slim.

But here is what I learned last week. You tell zebras apart by their buttprints! Actually, they refer to them as rumps rather than butts. Rump-prints!

If you click on the image, the sign explains how they tell Benjamin, Conrad, and Gao apart. Look at their cute little stripey zebra rumps!

And so then of course, in the same way that while I was reading that monkey sex article I wondered how that might work with people, I started thinking, "Thank goodness it's our thumbs and not our butts!"

I realize most of us don't get fingerprinted all the time. In fact, I'm trying to remember the last time I did. Maybe for a passport?

But don't they have fingerprint swipe machines at the airport? Nick's laptop has one, instead of having to type a password. You could never have butt-swipe machines in the airport or the office without huge liability.

There'd be the constant threat of a lawsuit for indecent exposure. Someone would complain that their colleague flashed them. And the guy would defend himself, saying, "I was just logging in to my laptop!"

And then I was thinking how much harder it would make things for detectives. Instead of being able to match the fingerprints on the drinking glass with those on file, I suppose they'd have to get buttprints off toilet seats?

"This buttprint, found on a toilet at O'Hare, matches the one the FBI has on file..."

Plus, at the police station, it would be all, "OK, look at the camera. Now pull down your pants and gently place your left cheek on the ink pad."

Awkward. Very awkward.