Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Which would just be so awkward if you ever got arrested

So, I don't know how much you know about zebras. And really my knowledge of them is very slim.

But here is what I learned last week. You tell zebras apart by their buttprints! Actually, they refer to them as rumps rather than butts. Rump-prints!

If you click on the image, the sign explains how they tell Benjamin, Conrad, and Gao apart. Look at their cute little stripey zebra rumps!

And so then of course, in the same way that while I was reading that monkey sex article I wondered how that might work with people, I started thinking, "Thank goodness it's our thumbs and not our butts!"

I realize most of us don't get fingerprinted all the time. In fact, I'm trying to remember the last time I did. Maybe for a passport?

But don't they have fingerprint swipe machines at the airport? Nick's laptop has one, instead of having to type a password. You could never have butt-swipe machines in the airport or the office without huge liability.

There'd be the constant threat of a lawsuit for indecent exposure. Someone would complain that their colleague flashed them. And the guy would defend himself, saying, "I was just logging in to my laptop!"

And then I was thinking how much harder it would make things for detectives. Instead of being able to match the fingerprints on the drinking glass with those on file, I suppose they'd have to get buttprints off toilet seats?

"This buttprint, found on a toilet at O'Hare, matches the one the FBI has on file..."

Plus, at the police station, it would be all, "OK, look at the camera. Now pull down your pants and gently place your left cheek on the ink pad."

Awkward. Very awkward.


  1. i'd be all for it if it meant they'd invest more into the research that would allow us to have smooth, airbrushed butts. i mean my fingprints are pretty smooth so if they can make my rump that way i may be up for this change of pace. plus then we could have trap doors in all our pants... how fun is that?

  2. Another reason it would be great if humans had tails!

  3. notsojenny - I dunno. I'm not so much with the baring of my butt in public, although at some point I had a bright red union suit with a trap door in the butt. Convenient if that was all you were wearing.

    HKW - Yes! The tails!

  4. Security at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport would have more info than foot tamping on Sen. Craig . . .

    back to zebras - my sister has a zebra skin on her art studio wall that my parents got in south africa in the 50s - i'll have to tell her to examine the rump!

  5. I don't even want to see the size of the ink pad that I would need for that booking.

  6. If you read the names of the Zebras too quickly, one of them might be named Gonad.

    Just a warning. Not that it happened to anyone I know or anything.

    If butt-prints were the norm, then what would the drunks at the office Christmas party do? Photocopy their hands? Far less amusing...

  7. Awkward, but oh so amusing!

  8. I do not care to know how these sundries make thier way into your head and onto the computer screen; I am just glad that they make the trip.

  9. Too funny! I had a lot of fun at the SD zoo, particularly in the nocturnal creatures exhibit. The one thing I didn't enjoy was the poor snow leopard pacing in his cage, too depressing. Made me want to give him a live chicken or something.

  10. Wait, Nick has a laptop that he logs into with his fingerprint?

    This exists??

    I am clearly very, very behind. And very, very impressed.

  11. Oh, hey all. I swear I posted a response comment yesterday. And it's just not there. This is the second time that's happened. I think Blogger changed something, because I either leave multiples of the same comment, or none at all lately. Anyway.

    LJ - Haha! Yes! As for the zebra rug, I would love a fake one. Zebra patterns are so cool!

    FreckledK - Um, no. I know for a fact that this is not the case. Just no.

    WiB - Oh, yah. Who knows what kind of craziness could ensue if buttprints were no big deal?

    Sarah - You make a good point, as long as you're the one watching, not doing.

    Restaurant Refugee - Thank you! I don't know how it happens, but I am glad there are people who appreciate it. :)

    J - I mostly hate zoos. They make me so sad. I do think a lot of those animals are depressed and anxious.

    Nicole - Yah, he runs his finger on a little thingy on the front instead of his security password.


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