If you have ever spent any significant amount of time at Costco, you know that profanity can make you feel better.
Also, if you are remotely prone to ECD, do not shop at Costco in a vulnerable moment. You should know that nothing will make you feel like you lead a more pedestrian, hopelss existence spending than a large portion of a Saturday there.
Perhaps they aren't all like this. But the one at Pentagon City, while a bargain, just makes you want to stab yourself in the eyes.
Particularly if you buy tires. Because for one thing, even if you get there when it opens, it is an eternal process. Not necessarily because the line is so long.
More because people will get to the front of the line and be all, "Hi. . .I'm here for. . .tires? What kind? Well, I think I need. . .round ones. With. . .treads? I suppose. . .black ones?"
And then the guy at the counter walks the person around to the tires. While the rest of you wait.
If you've never said the fuck word before, this would be a satisfying time to start. Because it sucks an immense amount of ass.
And then, if you come back later in the day to pick up your car, which they did a perfectly nice job on - it's not that the service isn't good, because it is - you might decide to get some bulk shopping done before you leave.
Which you will instantly regret. And which pulls out even more profanity.
Because your fellow Costco shoppers? They are probably perfectly nice human beings, but they careen around in slow motion like they've had head injuries. It's like that movie where the zombies come back to life and eat living people. They stagger around slowly and confusedly, but hone in on live flesh.
Nick asked if I'd rather spend a day covered in beetle larvae or walking around Costco barefoot with ingrown toenails. It's a hard choice.
If this doesn't pull out fuck, fuck, and more fuck from the least profane among us, I simply don't know what will.
Heckfire? My ass.