And when she was bad, she was horrid...

I am currently a giant wedding crazypants.

This is, I think, a step or several up from bridezilla. But I know that lately I have been very trying. Definitely more toads and snails than sugar and spice. Much more.

Just ask my intended.

He will say, "Yes, and more yes. And please, God, could you give me back the fun, happy, interesting woman I feel in love with? Because this banshee is making me nutso."

I bet if you asked him, that is exactly what he would say. Betcha.

I don't have a good explanation except that the wedding makes me crazy.

This morning Nick said, "I've never seen you like this. I would just never have predicted that you would be so into the wedding, and so stressed out. And so difficult."

"I'm sorry."

"Uusually, you're really level-headed and rational and intelligent. Or anyway, you used to be. Every once in a while I get a glimmer of that person. I can't wait for Old Lisa to come back."

Um, me either.

In the beginning I was all, everything is fine, and it's going to be nice, and I'm just not going to get worked up! My bridesmaids can wear whatever black dress they want - which is still true, and I've only seen a couple of their choices - and it's all going to be good. We'll have food, we'll have wine, we'll have music, and everyone will have a nice time.

Details? Schmetails!

Heh. Yeah. That was months ago. Lately, I feel like I'm just batshit, all the time.

You know, I was bitchy to the no-no-no woman at the venue. Like, when she said we couldn't set flowers on the fireplace, I gave her a huge bitch smile, and said, "Of course we can't. That's so excellent. Really. Thank you."

If you have never seen me turn into a bitchface? It is a little terrible.

When we left, Betty said, "Maybe try to be a little less bitchy?"

And I try. . .and it goes away for a little while. And comes right back. Sometimes it's like I'm looking down at myself. I want to clap my hand over Other Lisa's mouth and be all, "Stop it! Don't say that!"

And I can't stop myself in time.

It's like PMS times 54.

And also? Everything? Seems like it's about me. Not in an everything should be about me way.

More like this:

It's raining. I hate rain. And the reason it's raining? Is purely to inconvenience me.

There's construction on the bridge. Which makes us late. Of course they would put construction on the bridge we need to drive on this particular morning.

The black dye I was using in class last night? Came out more blue than black. Of course it's not turning out black, when all I need is black right now.

See how these things aren't remotely about me? And in my normal self life, I get that it rains, that construction happens, and that part of what is cool about dyeing fabric is that you don't exactly know how it will turn out.

And yet somehow, lately, I am making them about me. In my current bizarre world, some higher power is just trying to make my life a little more difficult, or something.

This is crazypants thinking and behavior. I know it is. Seriously. Plus, it's really annoying to live with.

You know I am not remotely kidding.