Thursday, September 11, 2008

And when she was bad, she was horrid...

I am currently a giant wedding crazypants.

This is, I think, a step or several up from bridezilla. But I know that lately I have been very trying. Definitely more toads and snails than sugar and spice. Much more.

Just ask my intended.

He will say, "Yes, and more yes. And please, God, could you give me back the fun, happy, interesting woman I feel in love with? Because this banshee is making me nutso."

I bet if you asked him, that is exactly what he would say. Betcha.

I don't have a good explanation except that the wedding makes me crazy.

This morning Nick said, "I've never seen you like this. I would just never have predicted that you would be so into the wedding, and so stressed out. And so difficult."

"I'm sorry."

"Uusually, you're really level-headed and rational and intelligent. Or anyway, you used to be. Every once in a while I get a glimmer of that person. I can't wait for Old Lisa to come back."

Um, me either.

In the beginning I was all, everything is fine, and it's going to be nice, and I'm just not going to get worked up! My bridesmaids can wear whatever black dress they want - which is still true, and I've only seen a couple of their choices - and it's all going to be good. We'll have food, we'll have wine, we'll have music, and everyone will have a nice time.

Details? Schmetails!

Heh. Yeah. That was months ago. Lately, I feel like I'm just batshit, all the time.

You know, I was bitchy to the no-no-no woman at the venue. Like, when she said we couldn't set flowers on the fireplace, I gave her a huge bitch smile, and said, "Of course we can't. That's so excellent. Really. Thank you."

If you have never seen me turn into a bitchface? It is a little terrible.

When we left, Betty said, "Maybe try to be a little less bitchy?"

And I try. . .and it goes away for a little while. And comes right back. Sometimes it's like I'm looking down at myself. I want to clap my hand over Other Lisa's mouth and be all, "Stop it! Don't say that!"

And I can't stop myself in time.

It's like PMS times 54.

And also? Everything? Seems like it's about me. Not in an everything should be about me way.

More like this:

It's raining. I hate rain. And the reason it's raining? Is purely to inconvenience me.

There's construction on the bridge. Which makes us late. Of course they would put construction on the bridge we need to drive on this particular morning.

The black dye I was using in class last night? Came out more blue than black. Of course it's not turning out black, when all I need is black right now.

See how these things aren't remotely about me? And in my normal self life, I get that it rains, that construction happens, and that part of what is cool about dyeing fabric is that you don't exactly know how it will turn out.

And yet somehow, lately, I am making them about me. In my current bizarre world, some higher power is just trying to make my life a little more difficult, or something.

This is crazypants thinking and behavior. I know it is. Seriously. Plus, it's really annoying to live with.

You know I am not remotely kidding.

18 comments:

  1. All I can say is, soon it will be over. It's been just over a month since I got married and I feel like I'm completely back to normal. I cannot believe I turned into the wedding nutbar that I did. When we got engaged, I was all "I'm going to have the most relaxed wedding ever. We're going to be so chill. No fuss. No stress. I'm so zen." And then we started planning and I turned into the most uptight, type-a, crazy, stressed-out lady you could imagine.
    I know it sounds trite, but try to enjoy this time. It will be over before you know it and then you'll wonder what you were so fussed about.
    Or you could just do what I did and drink a lot of gin. That worked too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. First, the fact that you recognize that this is perhaps NOT the way you want to be, puts you miles ahead of many women generally, let alone those planning a wedding.

    Second, maybe if you allotted yourself 30-45 minutes of scheduled venting every day, it would be easier to suppress those urges when they arise? You could write posts, you can always send me an email or ten. Just a concentrated, designated bit o' bitchy, which takes the edge off and allows normal Lisa to come out more, the rest of the time?

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Even though you are very busy for the next few weeks, I suggest that you get a two-hour professional massage . . .

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ummm...I know you're busy, but could you dye a few pairs of faded black trousers for me? Thanks - you're a star!

    I know you already know this, and everyone has told you this ad nauseum, but it will be fine. It will. It's a special day, and some things will probably go wrong, but you are going to be happier than you've ever been, and you will enjoy yourself immensely, as will each and every one of your guests. Nick will not wear an ugly jacket, and your hair will do whatever it is you want it to. You'll have clear-colored drinks that will taste yummy and fresh, and no one will sneeze for lack of flowers. Again - it will be fine. Fine fine fine. And I love you.

    I have valium, if you want it. Just in case...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Remember to take deep breaths, and it will be okay. Everything might not go just as you hope it will, but you'll get through it and have a gorgeous, fun ceremony.
    One piece of advice, remember to EAT the morning of the ceremony, because nothing but cake and champagne might just make you almost pass out on your wedding night. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Things are difficult now but married life is going to be complete happiness, bliss and sunshiny rainbows!

    Or maybe I'm just a Libra or believe in balance and karma a little too much?

    Either way - big hug to you. I disliked being engaged a great deal. Center of attention, stress, dealing with wedding stuff - I found it very hard and cried a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is why I would elope if I had to do it all over again. The day before the Atlanta wedding, I was in such a state that I seriously felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Even though everything was fine, and everything was going to be fine, and everybody was happy and having a good time. I was a wreck. And it sucked. The Australia wedding was slightly better, probably because I didn't plan or organize it (Jason did), but I still had a giant meltdown the day before.

    Both weddings were fun. But I'm not sure they were worth the angst leading up to them.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hilary - Clearly, I should be having a lot more gin. In fact, perhaps I should start bathing in it. I had every intention of being relaxed and carefree, and I find myself the exact opposite. I hate it.

    Jessica - You are always so reasonable and put a positive spin on. I like how that sounds. I might do that - maybe the concentrated bitchy would get it all out...

    LJ - I LOVE that idea. I will try.

    VVK - Hugs to you. :)

    FreckledK - Thank you, lovey. Truly - thanks so much. I don't even know where all this is coming from. We have an unorthodox ceremony, so it's not like timing or the order of things or any of that is critical. And the day you are describing sounds like magic! I want one of those!

    J - I know. I keep forgetting about the deep breaths. I will definitely eat that morning. There are a number of people making sure of that.

    HKW - Absolutely! Happiness, bliss and sunshiny rainbows! :) Hugs to you! I can't wait to just get married and get away on our honeymoon. I am so over this engagement part of things.

    Wendy - Doing it over, I think I would elope. Nick has no angst over this. I think because he's a guy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You're only a few weeks away- I think you're allowed! Second the massage idea...

    ReplyDelete
  10. And doesn't it make you crazier when the guys have no angst? It's like you feel compelled to get all angsty on their behalf. We must be hard-wired to go nuts over this bullshit, plus I feel like we're fed notions of the fantasy wedding from the time we know the difference between being a boy and being a girl.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I realize I don't know you, but I will say this. I think that weddings bring out the bitch in all of us. Even the nicest of people (which I'm sure you are) can become completely crazy when faced with wedding stress. For the time being it kinda is about you and that's okay.

    Good luck with everything!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree w/Freckled and w/LivIt...you are only a few weeks away, it really all will be beautiful. And, because someone as wonderful and sweet as you has earned a few weeks of being crazypants. =-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. You're allowed to be as bitchy as you want. After all, you only get married once...twice..three times.

    ReplyDelete
  14. First let me give you a HUGE prop... you are letting your bridesmaids pick their dresses. That is so not bridezilla.It is wonderful.

    As someone who was a bridesmaid twice this year...and about 400 times in the past 5 years...I have been allowed to "choose" my dress, exactly ZERO times. (Granted some were really pretty--but none "rewearable").

    You are being amazing. :)

    Seriously, I am still reeling...they can choose their own black dress.

    You are allowed to freak out, to feel frazzled, it is a wedding and you want it to work out. That is normal.

    I know it will be beautiful and you will look beautiful and you will see Nick up there as you are exchanging vows and YOU will be back.

    Promise :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Okay, to be clear about my comment earlier... I thought maybe my comment could be taken the wrong way.
    I was not saying that you are being bitchy :) Just saying that weddings can cause temporary insanity for every bride and it's all fine and normal. And you're probably nicer about it all than you think you are. I thought I was going to lose my mind over how one of my bridesmaid's wanted to wear her hair. I wanted it all loose and free-flowing. She wanted it up.... losing my mind.

    Again, hope it all goes great!

    ReplyDelete
  16. it will all be over the second the wedding is. don't worry, most women go through this!!!

    i had an omg moment when i was discussing what length the bridesmaids should hem their dresses so that they all fall at the same length on their knees. i stopped mid-sentence and said, "what the hell am i talking about???"

    haha, weddings change lots of people, but at least it is temporary! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey! It's all okay! Organizing a wedding is a HUGE undertaking, and would stress out the best of us. There's a reason the term Bridzilla exists, although with the museum lady? Totally within your rights. You really will go back to being the Old Lisa with the wedding. The crazypants behavior will fade, but in the meantime, it's understandable. I've been there, done that. Just remember--you'll live through it, and hopefully so will everyone else.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it.