Thursday, December 18, 2008

In my defense, this was a long, long time ago

Dad, you really don't want to read this one. Betty, you already know the story.

And let me reiterate. This was nearly a decade ago. I don't do this sort of thing anymore. Just so we're clear. It's not my party trick.

So a few weeks before I left San Diego to move to DC, I went to this lesbian party.

Actually, it was a housewarming. Thrown by a lesbian couple, and most of the guests were lesbians. We got invited because my boyfriend worked and was friends with one of the house warmers.

The house was really cool, and it was on a canyon, with a lovely back yard, sprawling fuchsia bougainvillea, and a gorgeous view. They'd had it catered; there was a fantastic spread. The bartender made really, really strong gin and tonics.

Important detail. Foreshadowing.

I don't know if you've ever ended a relationship in which you lived together. In which you loved the person and he loved you, but you wanted very different things. And one of you wanted to live in San Diego until you died. And the other, well, just couldn't.

The end of any big relationship is traumatic, but it's somehow worse when you feel like it should work, but for this one ginormous life detail. You feel like the person ought to love you enough change their mind. You fight about dumb stuff. And then, you decide to break up. But you live together until one of you moves to DC.

So at the tail end of this scenario, I was in a pretty fragile emotional place. What better to do when you're feeling unwanted (no matter that you're the one who is leaving) than run around and drink and flirt at a party?

Just to put you in my head. As if you don't live there every time you visit LG.

I headed immediately for the bar. It was an uncharacteristically warm night, and the gin and tonics, with refreshing lime! went down so easily.

And then I ran around socializing. We'd come to the party with another of my boyfriend's colleagues and his friend, who was a cop. Or maybe she was an ex-cop. I don't remember.

What I do remember was that she was really, really nice to me. Even when they had to pull over on the side of the 5 on the way home so I could vomit.

Yes. It's like that.

I was wearing an orange silk top with a Chinese dragon on it. The kind that's really only a top in the front. The back is just a tie, easily undone.

Also relevant.

It was the kind of night where the stars all align and somehow everyone thinks you're fabulous. Lots and lots of people - both men and women - thought the little blonde party girl was really, really cute. So, this was me: Whee! Mind-numbing alcohol! Cute men! Cute women! Gin! Flirty flirty! Proof of desirability! Warm San Diego night! More gin! Whee!

At the pinnacle of my gin consumption, two women larger than me beckoned me over.

"Look at you! You're so adorable!"

In head: Why yes, yes, I am!

"And look at how tiny your top is."

In head: I know, very tiny. Whee!

One said, "That would look like a postage stamp on me."

Me, I responded, "Oh! Want to try it on?" And reached back, pulled the string, and took off my top, and handed it to her.

And then pranced off into the crowd. Whee!

I cannot precisely say how long I was topless - but I believe it was a good couple minutes.

Apparently one of my boyfriend's gay guy friends stood up and said, "When the women start taking off their clothes, it's time for me to leave." He exited immediately.

On the other hand, a number of other people, as they left, thanked my boyfriend for bringing me.

Because I was so entertaining.

They might have thanked me, but for the fact that by the end of the party, I was vomiting in the bushes. I cringe as I write this, as you may imagine. I'm very, oh-so thankful that I left town shortly thereafter.

For months afterwards, guys asked my by then ex-boyfriend if the story was true. And if so, how they could get invited to the party next year.

I've been back to San Diego a number of times since, and as my ex-boyfriend and I are still friends, I've seen a number of those people, including the house warmers. And I'll tell you what makes me feel lucky.

They only remember the nudity. Not the vomiting.


  1. It's amazing what one can get away with when sporting mammary.

  2. You make a good point there.

  3. I was kind of disappointed there weren't any boobs out when I went to Mardi Gras. Come on people, this is what you're known for!

  4. I was kind of disappointed there weren't any boobs out when I went to Mardi Gras. Come on people, this is what you're known for!

  5. Your new tag line: "They only remember the nudity. Not the vomiting."

    Classic. Reminds me of many a rugby party...

  6. Always better to be known as "Nekkid Girl" than "Boots in the Bushes Girl"

  7. you're just so giving , Lis. You gave the shirt off your back. Literally.

    he he he.

  8. I think this qualifies as an excellent example of TMI Thursday! :)

  9. I think this qualifies as an excellent example of TMI Thursday! :)

  10. just more proof that there's a bright side to EVERYTHING!
    i don't even want to think about some of the things i'd rather people don't remember from a long time ago...

  11. This was absolutely fabulous.

    Those gin & tonics kind of sneak up on you, no? They still get me from time to time.

  12. So the ex was also a Nick? (Yes, reading the whole story, this is what I decide to comment on...)

  13. Of COURSE they remember the naked, and not the... other stuff. And that tonic water is dangerous stuff - vodka tonics may have had similar effects on me from time to time. Tonic's the only common variable I see there... :o)

  14. Screw Jesus. THIS is the Greatest Story Ever Told.

  15. Moral of the story: If you're going to do something bad-memorable, at least to top it (ahem, sorry) with something good-memorable!

    Love it! And if that's all they remember, no need to cringe. :)

  16. LiLu - I've never been to Mardi Gras but I think it would really annoy me. Too many drunken idiots.

    FoggyDew - Actually, that's hilarious as a tag line. And I've never been to a rugby party.

    RestaurantRefugee - I definitely, definitely agree.

    Slightly Disorganized - That's a very nice spin on it. :)

    Zandria - Thanks! It's about as far as I can shame myself, so I thought it might.

    notsojenny - Man, there are a lot of things I'd rather people not remember.

    Liebchen - They really do. Gin is a sneaky liquor.

    Beach Bum - Oops. No. Clearly Nick is now my default guy's name.

    Jessica - You have to figure if it's strong enough to combat malaria, it's really heavy duty. Must stay away from tonic water. :)

    Arjewtino - Coming from you, that's saying a ton! Thanks!

    Sarah - Yes, best to top it (ahem - good one) with something good-memorable. Although I don't know if party nudity actually falls in that category.

  17. That's the kind of party I like! Of course, it's generally more fun if others take off their tops too.

  18. And see...THIS is why I think guys still find your posts entertaining.

  19. I'm assuming this was before everyone had camera phones? Or are these shots on Flicker as we speak?

  20. Yeah. I've sort of been there. Maybe I should blog about it?

  21. Lovely D-cup told me about your blog and I am glad that she did. I love the subtitle of you blog. LOVE IT! I will be back.

  22. It's dangerous to pursue euphoria.

  23. That is a fantastic story. =-)

  24. J - Ha. I'd look back with less horror if other people had. As for the guys, yah, boobies would be a draw.

    lacochran - Yes, well before. There are no photos of this incident.

    Nicole - If you do, I can only imagine it being completely hilarious.

    La Belette Rouge - Ahh, thanks! DCup rocks!

    JMH - It certainly is.

    Ryane - Thanks! I'm glad it was long, long ago.:)

  25. If you had stayed in San Diego, this would have never happened, we could have possibly met one day there would be no Inner/Outer Loop confusion. But seeing that you moved away from our fair city, I'm glad you made a memorable exit.


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