Thursday, April 16, 2009

My grinchy state of heart and mind

I have never been a woman who hates other women because they're skinnier or prettier or have on a more fabulous outfit. I might feel inferior in the moment, but I don't feel resentful.

Or anyway, I didn't. Until recently.

Driving out of Nick's work garage entails going through one of two narrow, narrow alleys.

There are poles on either side that have been bent by trucks trying to get in. The building walls on both sides have gauges in the red brick. Trucks routinely get stuck or skibble along the sides.

You have to creep out, poking the car nose a little forward, to make sure you don't mow over any pedestrians, much as you might like to. Because most of the time there will be someone ambling or darting across - either oblivious to cars or trying to beat them.

So the other night night this attractive blonde in a belted tan trench coat and heels stopped on the sidewalk as we approached. Nick waived for her to go, and she waved a thank you, and strolled in front of the car.

And as she was crossing, I noticed how thin and pretty she was. And how her coat flowed so nicely as she walked. And how comfortable the belt appeared. And how not-strained the buttons were

I muttered, "Bitch."

"She was nice! I waved her across."

The truth is, it had nothing to do with her. She probably is a nice person.

It's just that I now resent the shit out of anyone in a cute little outfit. Anyone who walks with a light step. Actually, pretty much anyone not-pregnant.

One of my friends from work is just beautiful, and always perfectly put together. Fantastic outfits, nicely accessorized, and with lovely makeup up. And a mother of two!

It is not that she's not run ragged between hauling kids to day care and working a full-time job. It's just that she puts it all together extremely nicely.

She wore heels through her pregnancies, and she always wore nice clothes. She says she felt like a cow most of the time. But to the outside world, she looked fantastic. Her youngest is now a year and a half, and she's back to her kick-ass figure.

I ran into her in the kitchen a couple days ago. Me in my same goddamn warmest black pants and sweater and clogs, and her in some lovely, fitted, very together outfit. I looked her up and down and tried not to glower too much.

And asked, "Do you mind if I hate you just a little, every single day?"

She says this is par for the course.


  1. ha!

    my best friend is like that, and we work together. She always looks lovely, and even though I know I do too, somehow i just feel like she pulls it off better, or is just a little bit more stylish. She puts thing together, and I think, why didn't I think of that? Although I would think that being pregnant throws a huge wrench into your self image.

    However, I'm confident that you'll get your mojo back after HE arrives.

  2. So, that means that even though she looked fabulous, SHE hated people a little bit, every single day.

    Which means that this is a state of mind, and there are probably women looking at YOU and thinking, "WOW. She really has it together", even though you're in a place where you're not the same kind of together that you used to be.

    If that makes sense.

  3. I normally don't notice celebrities, but there were a bunch of pregnant celebrities on magazines when I was pregnant- the list:
    I hated Angelina Jolie- I aim high, she was pregnant with twins during my pregnancy, and she went around looking like pregnancy was beautifying.
    I hated Nichole Kidman- bitch went to SPINNING CLASS the day before she went into labor, gained like- 18 pounds and had an 8 pound baby. I kept reminding myself she was tall.
    In fact when I was pregnant I pretty much hated any tall pregnant woman. Bitches.
    I forgot about that part of my rage! Thanks for the reminder!

  4. i'm not prengnat and feel like most days i try hard and put myself together pretty well, but still, even when i hop out of the house thinking "damn i'm cute today, all that time getting ready and changing was totally worth it" it doesn't take long for a girl who looks WAY more put together than i do (and they always make it look so effortless... i think that's what really turns the knife) to cross my path and i have to resist the urge to call her bitch/trip her/etc. and suddenly i feel like a slob for the rest of the day.
    it's natural... isn't it? maybe i need to be pregnant to have a good excuse...

  5. I hate everyone who manages to put mascara on in the morning. I especially hate people who are beautiful enough to get away with wearing no mascara. In fact, today I pretty much hate everyone. In the world. Including babies and puppies. Okay that's a lie - I don't hate puppies.

  6. I second Dagny Taggart: I'm sure people are thinking you look completely put together. You did the last time I saw you! You don't have to be so hard on yourself. :)

  7. Sarah - I am pretty good at being like, well, she has her style and I have mine...but with the preg I feel like I have no style at all. And the truth is, I have no daily energy for it, which you think would make me less resentful of others. But no!

    Dagny - I love you I love you I love you.

    Mary - What shocks me is how rageful I am lately and how easily I hate! I haven't been paying any attention to celebs, but I could hate any number of them effortlessly.

    notsojenny - But even most of the breezy people have to make effort! In fact, I think they make extra effort in order to make it look effortless.

    Hillary - I understand, I do.

    mysterygirl! - I definitely put on makeup that night, probably right before I went over there. :) But thank you! I appreciate it!

  8. I was thinking recently that now that I'm sort of a grown ass woman, I need to work on being more put together.

    You know what doesn't help this cause? Working from home. Because, I mean, sweatpants.

  9. Honestly- no more rage- I've moved onto feeling inadequate most of the time. Calling mom is the main thing that helps with that one:)

  10. Now, wait a minute -- don't you remember that feeling when you wore that dress for Nick's birthday (I think that's what it was...). You had your cleavage going, plus your baby bump, and you felt sexy and beautiful, right? Well, recapture that feeling! Yes, a lot of maternity clothes are dowdy and frumpy and built for comfort, not sexiness, but that doesn't mean ALL of it is. Find at least one outfit that makes you feel great, and splurge on it. If you can feel a hot MILF-to-be at least once per week, you'll go a long way to feeling better the rest of the week.

  11. There is a woman at my work who is the same way. She has three kids and she is simply beautiful and could be a page out of a fashion magazine
    I have never seen her in flats.

    I'm sure you're still beautiful!


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