Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sunday waiting

I don't have a big update but I feel like so many of you are so kindly checking in, and I don't want to just leave you wondering.

My dad is still unconscious, but now breathing on his own in the times that they've turned off the ventilator to see. If it continues to go well, they'll take out the breathing tube. Fingers crossed.

Also, they have now stopped the medication to raise his blood pressure and heart rate. If that continues strong, then they'll take the tube out of his leg. Which would be good, as that minimizes infection risk.

And now we wait for him to wake up. In some ways, this part is harder, and in some ways easier. It's the worst thing wondering if someone you love will live or die. You sit there, holding their hand, staring at the fucking monitor, willing those numbers to go up.

You see the heart rate drop, and you say, "Ahh, we're not going into the 40s. We like the 50s better. Come on Dad! Let's go back up into the 50s."

When the numbers slide and slide, and the nurses come in and pump in more meds, you hold your breath until the numbers go up.

Every beep has you jump.

And it sucks. It sucks so tremendously.

But once you are past the touch and go, and you are into it seems like he's going to make it territory, the breathing is easier.

However.

I believe at this point he will wake up, and if history is any guide, he will wake up ashamed and agitated and angry, so angry. The anger is hard.

And then, as things improve, he'll eventually ask if we've told people. And then he'll ask me if I've written about it.

And when I say yes, he'll be really upset.

But the truth is, I need this. I need to let it all out, and I need the support and the kindness. All this loving, caring kindness - much of it from complete strangers - is like a soft pillow. A warm blanket. A big hug.

I don't even care if I sound cheesy. It's true.

And honestly, without the blogging, is there any way I could have gotten so many people to put their thoughts and prayers out into the universe for him? Absolutely not.

And when you are at the point of begging, pleading, making bargains with God, you will do anything for some extra help for someone you love.

So once again I want to express my gratitude to all of you.

I just can't thank you enough. I really believe all those thoughts and prayers go somewhere good, and they make an extraordinary difference.

Big hugs to all of you.

29 comments:

  1. Lisa, thank you so much for the update. Fingers still crossed over here, strong thoughts still sailing your way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. New batch of thoughts and prayers heading in your direction...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so glad your dad is out of the worst of it, and I hope that even if he wakes up angry, he works through that, too. Thank you for letting us know he's doing better, and I'm also really glad you have an outlet for all this--I can't imagine keeping it all inside. Many hugs, and I'll keep up the prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ive been thinking of you a lot the past couple of days. I am glad that things seem to be going in the right direction/

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for the update. I'm hanging on to hope for your dad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. thinking about you . . .

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for the update. I've been coming back and back, praying for continued good news. Still praying. . . Take care of yourself and that boy!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm glad there are small improvements. Every improvement, no matter how small, is surely a little more peace of mind for you and your mom. I have family with my from overseas, but keep checking in and sending prayers.

    I pray for your father's improved health, but more for his peace; just as I pray you have the strength to face his recovery.

    Many hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so glad to hear things are improving, even if by small steps. I'm still sending lots of positive energy your way. I hope things continue to improve. Stay strong, momma.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Big hugs back - and more positivity on its way to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm glad to hear that your dad is improving. I will continue to send positive energy your way and keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! And of course, I'm sending you that BIG hug you need!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. my thoughts and prayers are going out to your Dad and the family

    ReplyDelete
  13. *hugs* and good thoughts.

    I wish there was something I could do to help... please let me know if there is. You know my story...

    love,
    -vvk

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm glad things are heading in the right direction. Big hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Karen, random reader4/19/2009 9:02 PM

    Wishing you peace and comfort, and your family too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Big hug right back Lisa. Thanks for the update, I wish for your sake you knew more but am glad you're there with your Dad. More prayers and positive thoughts coming your way.

    ReplyDelete
  17. life's too short to not get all the good thoughts and prayers you can get when necessary. you've got the right idea, and if all of these people didn't believe your heart was in the right place no one would be willing to help you out and praying for your family's health.
    i hope everything stays on the upswing and he's pissed off about you writing about it sooner rather than later
    best wishes

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lisa, thanks for the update. I'm so glad things are improving for your father. Please know that you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of good juju headed your way. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  19. In your time of need, thank you for taking time out to update us. We're all praying for you and for your dad. May you all find the peace to move forward.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You know your dad was on my mind all day on Friday...and one of my co-workers asked me why I looked kinda worried...and what was I thinking about. Instead of saying...oh Lisa's dad...and having to say that Lisa is a blogger I don't actually know, I just said..."Oh nothing." You know each of us goes through our own family drama. None of us is perfect, our battles are each just different. I say keep your chin up, and too bad if he's angry. Remind him of who he needs to hang on to meet...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Big hugs right at you, and keep on with the updates... we're all thinking of you. I'm sure when he reads the comments he'll understand how important it was for you.

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  22. Big hugs to you. Thank you for taking the time to update. My thoughts are with your family.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Don't forget to take care of yourself and the little thumper. Hoping that this is a better week for you, your father, and everyone out there.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Keeping you and your pops in my thoughts, lady!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dagny Taggart directed me your way; I hope you'll accept my very best wishes for your dad's full recovery. In the meantime, hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  26. we are alll praying for you sugar...
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  27. Last time I commented it came out as anonymous, why I don't know. Just sayin' is all, so you know I don't meant to just lurk, but am one of those praying for your family.

    I know this is so hard, hard, hard. If my prayers could give you one tenth of what you've given me via your blog, then I am happy.

    Blessed Be.

    ReplyDelete
  28. thank you so much for taking the time to keep us updated, I'm going for sushi in your honour right now. Your father and you and betty were on my mind all weekend. please stay strong and treat yourself kindly. sending you all my love and support. soph

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it.