Wednesday, April 08, 2009

What I would really like to say to one of my colleagues

Why so angry? Why so relentlessly mean?

You're no longer unkind to me, now that I don't work for someone you hate. And I know you hate him, because you make every effort to display it in any and every setting possible.

You shit on his staff all the time - not because of who they are, or how they perform, but because they're his staff.

I feel lucky that you've targeted your hatred towards about three key people in the organization. But for fuck's sake, do you really have to be that horrible to them and go out of your way to be mean to the people who work for them?

Did you really need to pick on that one woman so relentlessly that she found another job? Did you feel a little bit of malicious pleasure when she left?

You complimented me on my writing - something take pride in, and appreciate compliments on - the other day, and on the one hand, I was flattered. But on the other, I was wondering if you were setting me up to stab me in the back.

I hope you'll forgive me, even though you've been nice to me for months, if I don't trust you one bit. Because I know just how angry and mean you are.

I know you're not crazy - because I know 47 kinds of crazy up and down - but man, are you angry.

There's medication that can help with that. I thought you'd started on some last year, actually, because there was that one period where you were generally nice and not remotely vituperative.

The fact that none of your superiors do anything about your abusive behavior, even though they know about it, is another issue entirely. It's something really fucked up and unfortunate about the organziation.

But this constant, oozing, poisonous anger! What's the point? If you hate it here so much - and I suspect it's you, rather than the workplace - but if you hate it so much, find another fucking job.

You're smart, and you're well connected. You can do it. And honestly, it would be a tremendous relief to so many of us. Because your anger fills up every room you're in, and is just thoroughly exhausting.

But at base, do you really want to live this way?

That's what I'd say. If she weren't so fucking mean and vindictive.


  1. Some people really do want to live like that. I had a co-worker who went out of her way to make certain people miserable, and who was most (grimly) happy when the atmosphere was fraught with tension.

    She was our union rep.

    I just wish I knew what set people like this off. I really do.

  2. I truly believe some people just do not know how to be happy. I say give her a swift kick in the teeth and really give her something to be pissy about.

  3. After knowing my sister in law for going on 10 years, I can honestly say that some people like to be miserable. I've never met a person more negative and nervous.

    Sorry you have to work for someone like that!

  4. about once a month you throw a word into a post that i have to look up... for April it's "vituperative"
    i feel like you're single handedly expanding my vocabulary. thank you.

    oh, and sucks about the mean monster at work. everyone has them... some worse than others

  5. Once again i *thank my lucky stars* that i work at home . . . i have worked with that woman - in way too many jobs. they don't change, and you can't trust them. yuck. sometimes i wish i didn't have such a finely tuned vibometer - i can just feel the anger emanating from that type of person, and frankly, it doesn't make for a great work environment. Here's to maternity leave!!

  6. Yuck, I hate people like her... They have a way of poisoning an entire organization. Too bad the higher-ups are allowing this to go on - good managers would counsel her. Any chance of talking to HR to see if they can step in?

  7. I used to work with a girl like this - actually, scratch that, TWO girls! I made the mistake of blogging about it and they found it unfortunately. Made my life a misery. It was fun. Honestly...

  8. Dagny - I just can't understand. And maybe, like your ex-colleague, she is happier when the environment is tense. I dunno. I just don't get it.

    Lemmonex - Tempting. But I imagine she's litigious.

    Cheryl S - Yuck. That would be so hard in a sister-in-law, particularly if you have to see her much!

    notsojenny - Always glad to be of vocab service. :) And yah, we all have them.

    LJ - I can feel the anger too and it's just dreadful. I am totally and completely counting down. Those weeks are going to be awesome, no matter how baby tired I am.

    Luna - You are exactly right. And no, HR is unfortunately unable to do anything in this situation. Such is the way things function here.

    Paula - Ugh. That would be really, really hard.

  9. I had no idea that you worked with my sister!

  10. I have a colleague who is in a position of power in my company who is extremely abusive. We constantly wonder if he is on his meds (although nobody really knows if he has any, although we are all in agreement that he *should*). I too can not fathom why senior management does not put an end to it - whatever the performance level is, that guy is a lawsuit waiting to happen, and the reason why a number of people have quit.

    It all just makes me so thankful for my boss, who is a peach and manages to deflect most corporate nonsense from us!

  11. Fearless - Oh, I'm sorry. Angry angry angry.

    Cheryl - I don't understand at all. It would change our entire office if her behavior changed or if she left. Someone needs to make it very clear that her behavior is NOT OK and can get her fired.

  12. Ah man, we have a 1st grade teacher like that! Can you imagine? A 1st grade teacher...... Sickens me!

  13. Sometimes I get so angry at some people that I can barely stand it. Then I just slide my hand up and down my asscrack a few times and then walk over to them and say "sorry we argued - put 'er there, buddy." Then I shake their hand vigorously. The Brown Glove strikes again.

  14. +10 for vituperative.

    I think we all have one in the office... if only they weren't a threat, we could tell them what we really think...

  15. Inappropriate behavior sucks, managers allowing it sucks even more ....

    How can someone be so mean and not get ulcers, fired, dragged through court - it's just not fair.

    Big hug for you and if I had some I'd send you and your colleagues a bunch of those stress dolls that you can rip the velcroed arms off.

  16. OMG stress dolls with velcroed arms you can rip off!! I love this idea, in fact I am going to make one with rip off arms, legs and a rip off head. Imagine the satisfaction of sitting there ripping off a dolls head when the person is standing in front of you having a hissyfit. Classic destress I say.

  17. not so jenny took my comment! I love your vocab words, I can only hope that when I am a real grown up like you, I can use vituperative, vitriol and all of the other little gems that you use in sentences.

    The best I can do right now is gauche and ubiquitous.

  18. Oh man. I hate dealing with those kinds of people. Can they not see how they bring down a whole room full of people? Or do they really like that feeling? I can never tell.

  19. I'll add to what Lemmonex said - I think that some folks are happy to be miserable. Unless they have someone to attack, they have nothing to do.


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