Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Oh, the dentist

I went to the dentist this morning.

I dreeeaaaaaad the dentist, and as such, have postponed for a while. But my gums are pregnancy unhappy, and you read all these articles about dental health being really important. And possible leading to low birth weight.

Which selfishly appeals to me. Being a little scared about the ginormity of what I might have to squeeze out of my hoo haa.

But being semi-responsible, I went. I get all nervous. I sit in the chair and sweat.

One a side bar, I briefly dated an orthodontist. And while I never asked him, I always wondered if, in the same way I constantly pay attention to people's language and phrasing, he was always secretly assessing the state of my teeth.

So today's dentist.

Ss per usual, got all nervous-sweaty. And discovered that all is relatively OK - and in fact very good in the scheme of pregnant gums and such. And next step, we see where things are post-pregnancy.


But you know - and it's not that I don't trust them exactly, but they always use those sharp pokey scrapey things. And so, when they're digging in your mouth with metal picks, and they say, "Hmm. This could be a problem in the future. We'll keep an eye on this."

You can only think, "Of course it'll be a fucking problem! You just poked a hole in it with a sharp metal thingy!"


  1. I went to the dentist yesterday. They take your blood-pressure. Once it was high and the hygenist asked if I was stressed...blank stare. Um, yes, I'm stressed because I'm at the dentist?! So now I try to relax while the blood-pressure pump is on. My dentist switched to a new water/pressure thing to clean teeth, replacing the sharp metal pointy-scratchy instruments. Better, but it makes a noise which sort of sounds like mice or bats squeeking.

  2. my favorite is when they're poking you with all those things and they're all "your gums bleed when we're doing this, that's not good"
    then STOP doing that! that's what i do. i do have to say we registered for a Sonicare and it's kinda my second reason for having a wedding (next to the kitchenaide mixer of course : )
    i'm os excited about it!

  3. I had the kindest, sweetest, most gentle and wonderful dentist EVER growing up. My hygienist came to my 4th grade play and gave me a Winnie the Pooh cookbook for my 10th birthday.

    They've ruined me for new dentists forever...

  4. What did your old beau the orthodontist say??? WAS he assessing? I ask because I have the same fear, and I have my sights set on an oral surgeon.

  5. I guy I used to work wit had really abd teeth. Like, makes you cringe bad teeth. He just married a dentist and it actually totally blows my mind.

  6. My hygienist always tries to have a conversation with me while she is cleaning my teeth. And for sheer fear of the pointy sharp things, i kind of nod and stare at her all bug eyed, like "you idiot! I can't talk about who I'm dating when you have basically what contstitutes a really sharp ice pick in my mouth!:

  7. My new dentist yelled at me for not having a rescue inhaler. I have a history of asthma, but haven't used an inhaler for over 10 years.

    Kind of makes me wonder if they DO plan to break stuff while they're poking around in there.

  8. I loved my pediatric dentist.
    I enjoyed this story a lot.
    And it made me wonder if you wonder the same thing about the Ob/Gyn as you did about the dentist. When the Ob is down there, is he assessing the aesthetics of your pussy?

  9. I hate going to the dentist. Last week I got a stern letter from my dentist because I haven't been for a checkup in two years. I can't believe they wasted postage on it. If the tooth pain that I can feel in my jaw bone doesn't force me to go to the dentist, a fucking stern letter isn't going to make me. Ohh now I'm all ragey.

  10. My dentist is a wonderful fellow, but I am afraid of his hygienists...I have used your line about the "sharp metal thingie" many a time...usually while spitting out blood.

  11. Hahaha! I thought I was the only one who thought these types of things. When I was in braces (at age 29) my ortho used to always ask me things like, "We might want to think about you wearing rubber bands?" and I would always answer him the same way, "Umm, Hi, have you met me, Dr. L. I don't do rubberbands. They aren't cute."

    Seriously? ;-)

  12. It's funny you dated an orthodontist when you hate the dentist! I like mine as a person but I hate the dentist too and leave with fingernail marks in my hands from digging in so hard. But I go religiously. Just like the gyno. No wait. I like the gyno.


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