The doing of IT

At some point in the last couple weeks, a number of people told me what you need to do to hasten labor: have sex.

Quite a few of you have left this in comments as well.

Friends who have given birth, are OBs, or have worked with OBs or midwives told me this one after the other, all right around the same time.

Apparently it has something to do with the hormonal composition of semen working to thin your cervix.

So I went home, armed with this knowledge. I weighed it against voluntarily suggesting an activity which currently not only does not appeal, but strikes me as downright horrendous.

But it's kind of like if you've ever had a job you hate that you've stuck out for a year so you will have it on your resume. Or if you've run a 10K that you weren't in shape for but were determined to finish. Or something of the sort.

I've done both, and know that if I clench my teeth and think of England, I can get through almost anything.

Steeled with this understanding of myself, and sitting in my comfy recliner, I looked balefully across the room at Nick, who was getting ready for bed.

"Apparently, we need to do it."

"Really?"

Surprise and delight from a man who had previously been assured that the doing of IT would likely not take place again until, oh, maybe 2010. And maybe not even then. Because look where it had gotten me.

"Yeah." I added glumly, "It's supposed to thin my cervix. Help get the boy out."

"OK, then!"

He was all kinds of pleased. I was all kinds of annoyed.

I was, as is currently my wont, sitting bare-bellied, with my hands on my tummy. Because one, it's cool to feel the boy move. And two, it itches less.

I glowered back and forth between Nick and the belly. As if they were in cahoots on this.

And I realized the following: If I put one hand on each side of my belly button and squeezed the skin, it made a ring of concentric circles. And the middle poked out in a rather intriguing way.

So I said, "Hey, look! When I do this, doesn't the middle of my belly button look like the head of a tiny penis?"

Because it did, it really did.

At which point it was Nick's turn to glare at me.

"You want to make sure this isn't remotely appealing for me, don't you?"