Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Pregnancy weight

I still don't know how much weight I've gained.

I don't want to know. I just want a tally at the end.

The nurses at the OB's office don't even blink when I close my eyes and ask them not to say the number out loud. We will do this again this afternoon. They are fine with it.

I know myself. I knew from the beginning that I'd obsess about numbers along the way.

Which is unhealthy in normal life, and really not what I wanted in pregnancy. I just decided that as long as they told me it was fine every time, I'd go with that.

Nick, Betty and I all think it's probably about 30 lbs. The OB said to gain 25-35, and so this is right about there. I'm OK with that.

But I know I wouldn't have been, month by month and now week by week, if I'd known the number. I'd have stressed about the stupid number. I'd have translated that into thinking about how to keep it on the low end of the OK spectrum. Or maybe a little lower.

This is me. This is how I am. Old habits die hard.

But this, this has been pretty liberating.

I haven't embraced the erroneous "You're eating for two! Eat whatever you want!"

Because the fact is, to gain the way they want you to, you only get 300 extra calories a day. This is not actually a whole lot.

That said, I have been more liberal with my diet in the last nine months than since I was 15 and started obsessing.

I have treats, even though I know I can't balance them out with insane amounts of really hard exercise. I've had more milkshakes in pregnancy than I have since I was a child. I don't have them daily or even weekly. But I do.

And hamburgers! And cheeseburgers! And Reubens! Do you know how good Reuben sandwiches are? They might be my new crack.

I don't have anything to compare it to, but So's Your Mom makes a really yummy one.

And eating these things (almost) without feeling guilty? What a novelty! What a delight!

Last week, when I was at the cardiologist (confirmation: normal) I asked the Physician's Assistant, who weighed me, not to tell me.

She gave me a look and was all, "Well, that's one way to do it."

And I was all, "Yup!"

But really, I felt like saying, "Listen, judgeypants, you and your raised eyebrows should maybe just fuck off. And is that a sharp implement on the counter? Because clearly have no idea how stabby pregnant women of an as-yet-to-be-determined amount of weight can be."



  1. "judgeypants" love it. now go into labor!!

  2. I am trying. Really and truly I am!

  3. You are a smart woman! My best friend has a 1 year old. She was a very petite woman and an avid runner/yogi/climber/skier, etc pre-pregnancy. At one maternity weigh-on she gained 7lbs and was really yelled at by her OB. It really stressed her out, and at the next appointment she gained zero more, making her right on target. Only then did she realize her doctor made a huge deal out of nothing, and she was mad he made her question her own body (she's a doctor too!).

  4. seriously lis, you're still here???

    kick him out!

    heh. If only it was that easy.


  5. Sounds like an incredibly sensible attitude to me. (I miss milkshakes.)

  6. ARGH. This makes me so angry, on so many levels.

    Seriously - if you have a judgy personality, just don't go into medicine. Because a job where you're poking around someone's body? Is just about as personal as you can get.

    I would probably write the doctor's office a letter about it, honestly. Because that's an unprofessional attitude, and maybe she needs to be made aware of that.

    Also, I'm glad to hear that you're still normal. And I bet those 300 extra calories are on top of the extra that you're *burning* as you run around creating life and carrying around extra weight, too.

    I think I need a time-out.

  7. Tia - That seems really unfair. I suppose if you had two really high or really low weigh-ins you might talk to the patient about their diet. But it is true - he made her question her body for no reason.

    And if he's anything like my OB, he never talked to her about diet or strategy or anything of the sort in the first place.


    Rindy - I am still here! You have no idea how many people have poked their nose in to check on me today.

    I have begged and cajoled and given a stern talking to the boy. And he just wiggles contentedly.

    lacochran - Thanks. I think it's worked for me for this. But man, I will miss them too, when I go back to my normal life.

    Dagny - I agree with you, although how impossible a dream is that? It's a relatively small thing, though, and truthfully, with as hyper-sensitive as I can be now, I don't know how bad it was. It pissed me off, though and I did feel like, oh, fuck off. I wouldn't question how you were going about your whatever.

  8. You look fabulous Lisa!

  9. We've seen you. You are all belly - all gargantuan infant.

    Have a pint of Chubby Hubby for me, please. It's been ages since I've had it, and my getting knocked up prospects are currently a wee bit slim (no pun intended).

  10. I think that you have been very smart about it. If I ever get knocked up, I will try to do it your way (I probably won't have the self-restraint though - I'll be the crazy lady jumping on every scale she can find.) It seems like you've approached your pregnancy in a really healthy way and it's sad that judgeypants felt like she had the right to question it. I would have raised my eyebrows at her and been all "well, that's one way to do it" at whatever she did next. She would be questioning the way she hooked up monitors or whatever forever. You missed an opportunity to give her a complex, lady.

  11. Rubens really should have their own food group, don't ya think? They're really good with a milk shake. After the birthin' you can always switch to the turkey variation and keep enjoying them.

    Keep up the strong work Lisa.

  12. I'm so incorporating "judgeypants" into my vocabulary from now on!

    Way to buck the system!!

  13. Ah, milkshakes. Best heartburn cure ever! Also good for heartburn prevention. And breakfast.

    And yeah, judgeypants can go and fuck herself! God!

  14. They say having sex can bring on a labour. Me? I went for a run on the beach. My mum was walking with me and when in all my hugeness I started running she had a fit and told me if I went into labour and starting having the baby on the beach she was going to drive off and leave me there for being so stupid. Needless to say I went into labour the next day :)
    Not long now Lisa and you will have the wee cherub to cuddle. ok maybe not so wee after seeing the photo of Nick the other day :S.

  15. I'm totally working judgeypants into my conversation.

    My mom was the same way - except that she got yelled at by the nurse, and told she was going to be fat forever. I was a little under eight pounds, but gained nearly three in the next two weeks. Clearly, I was not meant to be a small baby. My brother? Almost 11. I like your not looking plan. :)

  16. HKW - I appreciate it, I do! :)

    Kate - Thank you!

    freckledk - Chubby Hubby is a little much for me, but for you, I'll do it!

    Hillary - I got myself away from scales a long time ago, and I'm so much happier for it. Every time I've had to get weighed prior to pregnancy, it'd throws me into a tailspin.

    Also, I don't think I'd be able to do that, but I could see you pulling it off and I totally admire you for it. And two, I am staying on your good side.

    FoggyDew - Yes, I do! I really do! I've discovered I love them with Diet Coke. Turkey, now turkey would be a good option. Maybe I'll try that next time.

    Jules - I recommend it. I'm pretty pleased with the word myself.

    A.S. - Yes, really they turn out to be appropriate at any time.:) I did have one with breakfast recently. Chocolate milkshake with eggs and pancakes. Spectacular.

    Go-Betty - I've been told that. And so far, nothin'. As for running on the beach - good for you! You must be strong. There's no chance in hell I could run at this point. And yes, hopefully my non-wee cherub will arrive soon!

    Andie - There are a lot of judgeypantses around, and I think we should call them out.

    Wow - that is a really crummy thing for the nurse to do. Like that's going to help anything.

    And wow, 11 pounds!!! Yikes!!

  17. Who are these bitchface doctors and nurses who yell at people about gaining baby weight? Astounding. Yet another reason I adore my OB: she has never once said a word about weight gain, except to assure me that there was nothing to worry about. I would have slapped that hag in the cardiologist's office.

  18. Lori Bouzane8/06/2009 11:05 AM

    Lisa, I TOTALLY did the same thing at weigh ins and my very last one with my daughter the nurse ignored me and said it out loud.....I was soo upset and actually cried and said, "Why would you do that?" and she said.."I thought you were joking." I was my swollen arms, hands, legs, feet, ass and grumpy, uncomfortably swollen looking face look like I am in a "joky" mood! Cripes. Little did I know they ask you your weight before the give you an epidural so they can give you the right dose. Luckily I knew it. (-:

  19. Lori Bouzane8/06/2009 11:06 AM

    ps: I already know how I am going to use judgeypants in my next convo! Love it!

  20. I definitely would have gone all stabby on her. What jury would convict you??

  21. Lisa, I saw a picture posted on the Fug website. I realize you're very pregnant and it is time for the boy to make an appearance. However, There are people who are much, much bigger than you. People like this:

  22. I am soooooooooo with you on the Reubens. Insanely enough, I had never eaten one until about a year ago. And now? They ARE my sandwich crack. YUM. (Wait, did that sound dirty?)


Tell me about it.