Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Blogger keeps eating comments and the Chinese spammers make me mad and I totally think we should hug it out

First things first: Blogger seems to be eating comments. I thought it ate some of mine.

But they seem to be turning up hours later.

Actually, it might not entirely be Blogger's fault. I suspect the Chinese spammers who leave me daily comments are likely heavily involved.

They probably steal my comments in my sleep and when I'm actually working on work work and replace them with things like, "Heavenly breezes, rough seas and small boats, so cheap Viagra!"

You think it's a haiku - oh, someone is leaving me poetry! - but then you remember that that's a Japanese art form. And I doubt real poets get involved in other people's erections.

Although truthfully, what do I know about the confluence of poetry and erections?

And WHAT is my point? I think all the endorphins from the weekend have temporarily created a void in my brain.

Ah, the point.

That if you have commented and you think it's gone nowhere, and you're all, this is the first and LAST time I comment on Lisa's blog because she just throws them away! Because WHERE is my comment?

I don't know where it is! Maybe in a Chinese Viagra warehouse?

But I jump up and down with excitement whenever I get comments, particularly from old friends, and I love having them on the blog, because that way I keep them forever and ever.

So just know that it might appear tomorrow. But they do wind up in my in-box and I read them and adore them. So please don't stop just because they seem to have gone into a vacuum.

I was about to be all, "Fucking Blogger! Fucking Chinese spammers!" but I've decided to try and be more Zen.

Don't think I didn't hear you snorting loudly at your keyboards.

Also, the hugging.

Nick, he comes from non-huggy people. They might hug hello when you arrive for a long visit. And they might hug goodbye. Or they might just say "Bye!" from across the room.

Whereas me, I hug. I hug you hello. I hug you goodbye. Even if I'm going to see you a couple hours later. At which point I will hug you hello again.

"You're leaving? Oh, you're just going to the bathroom? Well, let me hug you in case I don't see you when you come back."

I exaggerate, but not by much.

And so Nick, he gets over-hugged by my people.

At the end of our wedding weekend, he turned to me and said, "What's with the hugging strangers? I've never been hugged so much by so many people in my life. Two of them even kissed me on the lips!"

This happens. Some of the overseas friends are lip kissers. I knew exactly who he was talking about.

I shrugged, "It's good for you."

Nick thinks it's weird, all the hugging. I think, how can you be over-hugged? Tell me it doesn't feel good.

Unless, of course, someone creepy and molesty is trying to hug you. Eeeee! Run away! But in that situation, I know Nick could hold his own.

That sounds sketchy in itself. But you know what I mean.

So I knew that reunion weekend would be similar. I didn't warn him, because it's good to keep him on his big ole toes.

HUGS! HUGS to all of you! I hug you from afar!

Except you, Chinese spammers. You're pissing me off. I'm not hugging you. And not just because you're probably all walking around with perpetual erections.



  1. You should turn on the CAPTCHA in the blogger settings so that spam bots can't get through.

  2. I might like poetry more if it involved more erections. Like, writing about erections, not actually having erections. I'd probably be weirded out if a poet stood up to read and popped wood.

    (Think we attract the Chinese spammers? Like Google will read this post/comments and the spammers will be all "They need erections!")

  3. no, anonymous! no captcha! that is worse!

    I too am riddled with Chinese spammers. I will try to follow your lead and be more Zen about the situation.

  4. Maybe the spam is to the spammers what hugs are to your people? Maybe this is a way of showing affection that's discomfiting to you, the way hugs and mouth-kissing are to Nick?

    Huh. You know, in my head, thinking that the Chinese spammers were being affectionate was really intended to make you feel better. But in reality, it seems to have squicked me out a bit. Sorry about that...

  5. I was wondering why you hated me so.

  6. Damn, I was going to make off-color comments about poetry and hard-ons and, yet again, Lisa beat me to the punch. Speaking of punching:

    Punch the koala
    Pleasures surge through the body

  7. I kid you not, a few days ago, B told me this huge long story about how he had an awkward moment with our regular bartender, because she went to hug him goodbye and he ducked.


    I had, about three hours prior, purchased a shirt that says "Free Hugs."

  8. Anonymous - I don't know what the captcha is??

    Lisa - I don't know. I think I like my poetry erection-free. And definitely don't want to go to a poetry reading with poets with erections.

    Maybe the Chinese spammers target women named Lisa???

    Hillary - Whatever captcha is, it sounds bad.

    And the Zen, it's so sporadic. I'd love to tout it as my M.O. but boy would I be lying.

    SarahLeigh - I was trying to be subtle about it.

    FoggyDew - Um. We're on a wavelength? And you're a much more talented haiku-er than I. I realized that I made mine 5-5-5 - which does not a haiku make. Oops.

  9. Well, that makes sense!

    I am a big hugger, too. What I love best about being a hello-hugger is catching non-huggers off guard. They don't know when to let go, or what to do!

    Also, if they look like they're not into it, I just say, "Awww! You look like you NEED a hug." You'd be surprised by how often that works!


  10. Your blog is actually blocked in China (as is all blogspot). I pay for a service to bypass the Great Firewall, as we call it, so maybe they are too. Or maybe they are actually Taiwanese. Anyway, it seems harsh to the poor folks in China who can't even see your blog to blame them for spamming your blog. But then again, maybe if it was unblocked, you'd have 1 billion more Chinese spammers :/

  11. yeah, I have problems with the spammers too. The captcha helps a little, but a lot of these spammers will have people type in the security code so that it goes through instead of doing it via a spambot. I blame those morons teaching people about search engine optimization too. They leave lots of irrelevant comments on sites with a link back to their sites so that their stupid site will show up higher in Google. Why not use better content instead of stupid tricks to drive people to a site?

  12. LiLu - HAHAHAHA! Ducked! I'd like to see Nick try that, actually.

    Miss Dallas - Oh, I always feel so awkward when I do that. It's like trying to hug a wall that starts patting you uncomfortably. But maybe I will try your approach.

    Rose - Oh, maybe Taiwanese then. Perhaps I blamed the wrong spammers and erection-promoters. Oops. But you're right - there could be so much more potential spam out there!

    HIN - It's very frustrating, isn't it? Although lately it has been one or two comments a day rather than waking up one morning and having 100. That's tedious.

  13. :D you're so hilarious. your current post is even more hilarious but i'm commenting on this one cuz i totally get nick. i'm not huggy, either. he is not alone. ;) my parents were never huggy, especially my dad, which is probably why i'm not. except my mom and sister insist it's because i was a preemie and i have permanent ptsd or something since my first month of life involved being stabbed many times by needles?! (yes, mom! i absolutely remember that!). we can't help being underly huggy any more than you can help being overly huggy. :)

  14. Yes, yes, I hate spam.
    Comment moderation is lame.
    Captcha this, Asia!


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