If Kelli's string hadn't broken, or the Marriott safety pins weren't so flimsy, or we'd gone to the right hotel in the first place, or if Kelli had worn a bra, we wouldn't have wound up in such a seemingly-compromising position.
Is what I'm saying.
Kelli, as you may know, has these very nice boobs that she paid good money for and really quite enjoys.
So we were almost to Crystal City when Kelli said, "Oh!" and grabbed the side of her wrap dress.
The wrap string had broken. And she wasn't wearing a bra.
So we headed towards the Marriott, although it turns out there are two Marriotts, so pay attention if you're going there.
We minced into the Wrong Marriott and headed for the reception desk, where a very nice woman gave Kelli a handful of what turned out to be the most ineffectual safety pins on the planet.
And then I asked her where the rest of the hotel was.
"The rest of the hotel? This is it."
Turns out we meant the other Marriott.
But nonetheless, the dress had to be fixed, so we headed to the bathroom and Kelli spent some time reaching into her dress while holding it shut and then one pin bent and then another and she said, "Oh for Pete's sake!" and let go of the dress.
At which point I offered to try to pin the tie back on.
I think we were so immersed in this that we didn't notice the woman walk into the stall.
We did, however, notice her walk out.
Because at that point, Kelli was towering over me in her 5" heels, looking down.
I was doing a semi-squat, eye to nipple, reaching both arms around her, one in her dress, trying to get the damn pins to work.
So the woman, she walked out of the stall. And kind of started as she saw us. She froze, just for a moment, then hurried to wash her hands.
Our eyes meet in the mirror.
I considered winking, but realized we seemed all kinds of suspect as it was.
Kelli smiled and said, "Hi!"
She hurried out, not stopping to dry her hands.
That was before things even really began.