Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Recognizing, of course, that a gynecologist would be unlikely to do a good job with layering and highlights

So, here's what I'm wondering: If forced to choose, would you rather go to the gynecologist or the dentist?

I realized yesterday that I'd choose the gynecologist, hands down. Sure, you're in stirrups, ass on the edge of a table, hoo-ha forward for God and everyone. Or anyway, your gynecologist and maybe a nurse if your GYN is male.

And sometimes it's pinchy. Or cold.

But you can carry on a conversation, even if it's odd, and it's all over quickly. And there's no noise associated with it.

This occurred to me as I was sitting in the dental chair, sweating profusely as the hygienist scraped scraaaaaped SCRAAAAAPED away at the tsk tsk tsk! do you floss? (I do! I do!) plaque buildup.

It's not that it hurts, except for one or two spots where I have recessions, and then when she hits those I flinch and it's like a cold clammy bolt of electricity covers me like a film from head to toe, and I'm left with a damp sweat on my hairline.

So, yah, that kind of sucks.

But mostly it's the SCRAAAAAAAAAPING.

"How have you been?" Scrape scrape.

And your mouth is wide open, you know, being scraped, so you're all, "Hiing, hankh. Ooo?"

I realize now what a wreck I was after Jordan was born, that the dentist seemed so relaxing. I suppose everything really is relative.

But there I was, thinking, Jesus God, I would so much rather be poked and prodded naked from the waist down.

Seriously, as I sat there, I ranked stressful routine-ish medical situations. So, the childbirth C-section would of course top the list. But then I'm gonna say dentist. Then gynecologist. Then everything else.

Am I missing anything?

I was going to put getting your hair done in there, because you know, a chunk of your self-esteem is put in someone else's hands, and now instead of feeling more attractive after my Saturday appointment, I feel like a boy. A boy with beige hair.

Then I remembered that hairdressers are of course not in the medical profession.

But now I'm all, I hate my hair, and, matter of fact, I think I'd rather have gone to the gynecologist.

I don't know how this suddenly became my default comparison.


  1. I would gladly have someone scraping my teeth over scraping my... well... you know.

  2. I think it all depends what you're going to the gyno/dentist for. I'd take a root canal over going to the gyno but if it was a cleaning (w/all the scraping) I'd probably default to the gyno.

  3. lacochran - Yikes! The scraping is just for the teeth! If that were the case, then yes, I'm with you.

    Cass - I'd say it's between a totally routine visit for both.

  4. Dentist and gyno trips are both uncomfortable but I prefer dentist because of the nakedness at the gyno (of patients. Lab coats all around for doctor and nurses).

    I love my dentist, despite the fact he looks like a boy band member and is smiley at 7 am. I like the feeling of clean teeth. My dentist doesn't use metal scrapers anymore - rather this water pressure thing and it is uncomfortable sometimes and the noise is less annoying than scraping but not like children's laughter or anything sweet.

  5. I HATE THE DENTIST. Between high school and college I got 3 root canals, 2 crowns, and one chipped filling that lead to a tooth getting pulled. Thankfully I've had no issues in the past 7ish years, but in the last year I had to get 3 filings replaced with crowns and had the missing tooth fitted with a bridge. Did I mention I hate the dentist? Gyno all the way!

  6. Dentist. The gyno doesn't give free toys. Can you imagine how much more fun it would be if he did?

  7. I've never liked eye exams. Especially the puff of air in the eye part. Not sure I prefer vagina inspections over that, but still, not comfortable.

  8. I think a hairstylist might loosely be considered a therapist. My mom always heard some weird stuff when she did hair. But, I think you are supposed to leave your therapist's feeling better about yourself, not worse, so maybe that doesn't apply either.

    I had to get some fancy scraping thing done at the dentist one time, with some crazy ultrasonic scrapey tool thing. They warned me ahead of time that it's kind of loud, so to bring headphones. Yeah, so I couldn't hear the machine, but I could hear the squealing vibration of my teeth inside my head loud and clear. Very uncool.

  9. I have not been to the dentist in roughly 4 years because I have panic attacks in the dentist chair. I go to my ladybits appointment every year without fail. There is no logic in that whatsoever.

  10. I'd so much rather go to my dentist. He's just amazing, and even though he's 70 or so, I keep hoping he'll just hang in there a few more years before retirement. His hygienist is just ok, but he makes up for it.
    As far as the annual gyn exam...I really think I should be able to just take a few pictures and email them to her. There's something about sitting on paper sheets, wearing a paper gown that just stresses me to no end.

  11. I'd rather do anything than go see my husbands family (and half of mine) Give me a root canal while you're checking out my privates and turn on the jack hammer while you shave me head bald. Still a better day than one with the family.

  12. I say gyno, I have to take a happy pill before going to the dentist I freak out so irrationally. Though my new dentist does do a sing along with the radio to distract me

  13. Gyno, definitely. A lot less lecture-y than the dentist!

  14. HKW - Totally giggling (in amusement and horror) at the idea of nudity all around at the GYN's office. Several colleagues go to dentists with the water pressure. I hadn't heard of it before, but so much more appealing.

    Tia - Holy cow. That is a LOT. Too much, in fact. Ugh.

    Dana - Oh, makes me giggle! Where's my toy?

    Luna - When I was a kid, the drops always really stung, but I haven't been bothered by eye exams in a while. I kind of forgot about those.

    Lisa - Definitely, most definitely. Hair stylists learn all kinds of things, and sometimes give very good feedback. I really like my stylist - for hair, not advice - and I'm hoping that my hair will get less beige over time.

    Hillary - There's no logic, but I spent 4 years avoiding the dentist as well. I get it.

    Susan H - You made me laugh so hard with the "take a few pictures and email them" - the idea! Hilarious!

    Lynn - Oh, gosh, I hadn't even factored in things like that. And wow, do you paint an extreme picture! Hang in there.

    Kenya - I actually think that's a really good idea. I like my dentist, but it's so anxiety-provoking.

    Jessica - You make such a good point. They never ask you about maintenance.

  15. I would much rather go to the gynecologist. I've never had a problem with those visits. I chat with the Dr and you are right, it's over in a jiffy. It pained me just reading about the scraping at the dentist. ::shudder::


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