Friday, July 15, 2011

Facts on reptile genitalia. For those awkward times when you have a lull in conversation. And want to make it more awkward.

Because I can never leave well enough alone, I went ahead and wandered the Internet in search of alligator penises.

Thanks for the prompting, Go-Betty. Horrifying.

Yah. So, I found this guide to reptilian care, and in particular, the following: How do you sex a crocodilian? (This may go without saying, but it's penisy! NSFW!)

But the title! "How do you sex a crocodilian?" Doesn't that sound like the beginning of a joke? Like, "A piece of string walks into a bar..."

So of course, being slightly repulsed, I had to read all the way down. And then, then this! "And just in case you're confused, males have a single penis, not a pair of hemipenes like most other reptiles."

I desperately want to work that line into a conversation one of these days.

So anyway, the hemipenes! led to further googling. Snakes! Snakes have two penises! (Note: also a penisy picture page.) They only use one at a time, in case you're wondering. Some of them have spines or hooks to "anchor" the penis.


Now, if you'd asked me if snakes had penises, I'd have said I doubted it, because really, what would they do with it while slithering along? It would be terrible to constantly get your penis caught in the shrubbery.

Uh. Anyway.

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to say about that.

Oh, except this: If you're all, "Huh, you know, this makes me wonder if flies have penises," DO NOT google "insect sex." I am not kidding.


  1. This post was just what I needed right now. Thanks for making me laugh! Penises caught in shrubbery... Oy!

  2. We have snakes, and at some point we plan to breed two of them...when it happens I am SO going to videotape that for you!

  3. and now i'm very educated on reptile peni and thisclose to googling "insect sex"

  4. Doesn't the idea of snakes having penises seem incredibly redundant?

  5. Luna - I am glad! I hope all is going OK...I saw something on FB about flights?!?

    elis - I would LOVE that. I know that sounds creepy - but that sounds fascinating.

    jen - Actually, I should've said images - that's what you'll really wish you hadn't google.

    Kaysha - Hahahahahaha!

  6. Educational and funny! i promise to stay off google.

  7. A photo caption from one of your disturbing yet strangely fascinating links: "It is usually not possible to evert the clitoris any more than this from the cloaca."

    This implies that people have indeed tried to evert the clitoris from the cloaca to a greater degree and have been unsuccessful. My question: why were you trying, and why, oh why, are you warning me it's not possible?

    Is there a band of people roaming about whose sole goal is to evert crocodile clitori? For the love of god and crocodile girls the world over, THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

  8. I was reading this and of course immediately clicked on the links. I was reading about the crocodiles, and my boyfriend glances over and is all ''What the hell are you looking at'' my reply of Crocodile penises wasn't enough, he wanted to know why, so I said Lemon Gloria, he doesn't want to know anymore and has left the room LOLLL

  9. Thank you for this one. It really helped me out. also the whole needing nine hours of sleep thing seems to be beyond my husbands comprehension. I just can't figure out how to explain the penises thing either. Oh well! glad you're back!!!!

  10. Yeah I enjoyed the new Harry Potter movie I really did. Some of the others not so much but this one was preety cool.
    Sorry about the googling aligator penis thing, I google all kinds of weird things and I know all kinds of strange things now and they are really good for conversations well they can be sometimes depending on the company I guess.
    And now I am off to google insect sex. Incidentally omg have you seen the insect sex videos that porn star made, they made me laugh kinda.
    what really made me laugh and I am so please I no longer share an office because i would not want to explain this....was snake penises getting caught in the shrubbery ....pppfffttt bahahah.


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