Facts on reptile genitalia. For those awkward times when you have a lull in conversation. And want to make it more awkward.

Because I can never leave well enough alone, I went ahead and wandered the Internet in search of alligator penises.

Thanks for the prompting, Go-Betty. Horrifying.

Yah. So, I found this guide to reptilian care, and in particular, the following: How do you sex a crocodilian? (This may go without saying, but it's penisy! NSFW!)

But the title! "How do you sex a crocodilian?" Doesn't that sound like the beginning of a joke? Like, "A piece of string walks into a bar..."

So of course, being slightly repulsed, I had to read all the way down. And then, then this! "And just in case you're confused, males have a single penis, not a pair of hemipenes like most other reptiles."

I desperately want to work that line into a conversation one of these days.

So anyway, the hemipenes! led to further googling. Snakes! Snakes have two penises! (Note: also a penisy picture page.) They only use one at a time, in case you're wondering. Some of them have spines or hooks to "anchor" the penis.

Yikes.

Now, if you'd asked me if snakes had penises, I'd have said I doubted it, because really, what would they do with it while slithering along? It would be terrible to constantly get your penis caught in the shrubbery.

Uh. Anyway.

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to say about that.

Oh, except this: If you're all, "Huh, you know, this makes me wonder if flies have penises," DO NOT google "insect sex." I am not kidding.