Friday, July 22, 2011

So Jordan thought we donated him and then I seriously considered it

We are at a country club in Charlottesville for Nick's partners' retreat.

They had meetings all day yesterday and this morning, and now they are playing golf. Yes, in the five kabillion degree heat.

Lemme tell you, nobody's husband appreciates the suggestion that overweight middle aged men would do well to take it easy in the extreme heat and please don't drop dead and you don't even like golf.

Anyway, the place, it is lovely. The pool is fantastic. Did I mention there is no AC? Because the city does not have enough power. You know, because everyone runs AC in the five kabillion degree heat.


And my poor kid, he isn't sleeping enough. He is tired.

See, Nick and I went out with the other adults last night, leaving the kids - ranging in age from two to 11 - with a lovely sitter, tons of snacks, games, and videos. Everyone had a great time. Except Jordan, who, certain he'd been abandoned, wailed for a solid hour. He'd finally fallen asleep. He was a hot, tear-stained mess when we picked him up.

This morning, he saw one of the big kids on our way in to breakfast, and he burst into tears and tried to drag me out the door. He was not about to be LEFT WITH CHILDREN again.

Apparently, the six-year old told his mom that last night, Jordan thought he'd been donated.

I will say that I very nearly did donate him several times while at Target looking for water wings and a special toy for the pool.

Because yes, today I was that mom, the one with the wailing, screaming, flailing on the floor toddler. I got several looks from mothers with kids sitting happily in carts, and I wanted to be all, "What?"

At one point I seriously considered leaving him on the floor of an aisle, grabbing the other things I needed, and picking him up on the way out. I figured he'd still be shrieking when I got back and nobody would kidnap a screaming banshee. But then I realized that if he stopped screaming and I wasn't there, he'd be scarred for life thinking he'd been donated twice in 24 hours, you know?

And now the shriekalicious gem of my heart is awake and the pool beckons.

Fingers crosses for Nick not getting apoplexy and keeling over on the golf course. I don't thinking could handle driving home alone with the kid.

Stay cool, my invisible friends!


  1. Good point about no one kidnapping the shrieking kid. The chances probably are pretty slim.

  2. Permission to drink straight through the weekend!
    Here, I'll start with you.

  3. some day you will laugh at these, really...

    Have fun!

  4. OMG! I was that mommy just the other day! I felt so self conscious because gee-whiz my kid is a hollaring, life is ending and my mommy is a horrible person sort of mess while at the grocery store.
    Today he isn't much better. There is no five kabillion, but the heat is muggy here in Colorado where it should NOT be muggy. It is like walking through fish-armpit jello. Yeah, the smell is just that hideous.
    Hope things are better and Nick survived!

  5. When my brother was about Jordan's age he threw a huge fit in the grocery store. On the ground and everything. My mom stepped over him and continued down the aisle. He figured it out real quick and ran after us. Never did it again. True story. Honest.

  6. I get Grace's Mom. I did the same thing with Ben when he was 2 yrs old. We were out shopping and to be fair he was tired but the tanty in the grocery isle was not appreciated so I did the same I stepped over him and ignored him and kept going around the end of the isle out of sight. I stood just out of eyesight there waiting while the screams went from tanty to frightened OMG she has left me alone wails and mummy where are you wails as he came tearing around the corner looking for me. I had a couple of people watching me to see what I was going to do. I just said "have you finished now Ben?" He said a very waily teary "yes" to which I replied " Good! then lets finish the shopping and go.

  7. Okay. I had to repost this after telling my mom about Lemon Gloria and then her reminding me of what my sister and I used to do to our little brother.

    We used to tell him when he was little that he was a K-Mart Blue Light Special. And that when the blue light went off while we were in the store our parents could trade him in.

    So we finally go to a K-mart (We were military so there were few and far between overseas at the time) and sure enough the blue light goes off. My brother, petrified he was going to be traded in starts screaming. It took my parents forty-five minutes to get him calmed down enough to tell them what was wrong.

    Needless to say my sister and I got our hides tanned, but looking back on it ... it was pretty funny. My brother who is MUCH bigger than us now and older still doesn't think so.

    Had to share!

  8. Moue's story reminds me of what my sisters used to tell my youngest brother: Mom and Dad really wanted another kid, but instead of having one of their own they adopted him...from the monkey house at the zoo. This went on for years.

    In the end, though, he got even by telling the same story. To their kids.


Tell me about it.