Dear people of the Internet,
Tampa made me very tired. I just couldn't sleep. And I am a sleeper. I do best with right about nine hours a night. Seriously. It's tragic.
But I just couldn't sleep. Not to be all princess and the pea, but the pillows - all six of them on two beds - were too big. I need a squishy-downy pillow.
Also, it was too hot. And too cold. And too quiet. Until there was a noise in the hall. Then it was too noise-in-the-hally.
And THEN, then one of my colleagues went ahead and mentioned bed bugs. Just out of the blue and for no good reason. She said not to put your suitcase on the floor and then up on the bed because they can live in the carpet.
It didn't keep me up at night, but here's what it did: it made me itch. You try thinking about bed bugs for more than 30 seconds and see if it doesn't make you want to scratch.
Also, it made me extremely fretting about taking some of those potential carpet bed bugs home with me.
I told Nick about the bed bug possibility and he asked if anyone had seen a bed bug or if I'd gotten bitten by anything or if this was just hysteria for the fun of it.
Nobody wants to admit to hysteria for the fun of it so I was all, "They're a problem. Just like the boa constrictors that escaped during the hurricanes and now they're moving all the way up the east coast. Also the alligators in the Everglades with the penises one seventh the size of their grandfathers."
These are problems, people. Even if they have nothing to do with each other. Except they all happen in Florida.
Also, the penises, they are a seventh the size of the penises of their alligator grandfathers. Not that they're a seventh the size of those old alligators. Because that would be an entirely different problem.
I imagine. Not that I'm imagining alligator penises. Although I kind of am. Do you think they're scaley? Or do you think they poke out of a little lipstick case like dog penises?
My brain is running on half power. It's good I got out when I did.
And hi! I missed you!