Monday, March 12, 2012

And I always believed April was the cruelest

It's pretty much been a horrible hell of a month.

Like, the kind of time period that feels like a giant boot with gravel stuck in the treads stepping on you and squnching you down and then walking with you stuck to the bottom. Both suffocating and sharpy hurty.

One of those yellowy Timberland boots, probably. But giant-sized. The Timberland boot of wrath. Not quite as poetic as Greek god justice, what with the boulders or the pomegranate seeds or what-have-you.

But I digress.

Last week, as you know, I had the stomach virus from hell, and then I got a doozy of a cold from Jordan. I'm almost over it, I think. Betty now has it.

Nick and Jordan got a milder version of the noro- or whatever-virus, meaning they just had the diarrhea. I'm loathe to say I had diarrhea envy, but it's true.

Mainly because I would rather, as a good friend of mine put it, chew my own arm off than throw up.

I suppose I'd rather chew my own arm off than someone else's as well, but that's along the lines of whose poo would you rather dump out of your Shop-Vac, isn't it?

Anyway. Back to the important.

What I'm leading to is that Betty has had a very rough month. First she got a cold. She then had two weeks of intermittent puking and nausea, and then another cold.

She's basically been in bed for going on four weeks, getting up to take care of Jordan two days a week (except when she was puking sick), go to the doctor, or when we begged or harassed her out of bed.

She's dropped almost 20 pounds. And when you don't start at 120 soaking wet, you don't have that much to lose.

Last week I said, "We have to do something about this. This is exactly how it was with Dad."

And it was. He had one illness after another. He had no energy to do anything, and when you tried to get him to, he said he didn't feel well. He just stayed in bed and watched TV or sat on the internet. Week after week.

He didn't get up, didn't get up, didn't get up.

And then he ultimately mustered the energy to get up, sneak out the door with a length of rope and a vial of pills, and that was that.

In my pregnancy timeline, that was just over a month ago. I've got these inadvertent and mostly stressful markers in this pregnancy - mostly in the 20-something weeks - my dad's suicide attempt, my trip to Amsterdam, my dad's suicide, buying the house...

I think I was right about this pregnant when we moved into our oldold new house, and just when I thought nothing could get harder, it did.

Splinters and shards? I've got them aplenty.

I'm not saying Betty is suicidal - she's not like my dad in that regard. I'm certain she's not.

My big fear is one of two things: that it's something much larger and scarier than one isolated illness after another. Or, two, that if we can't get things turned around, she'll just stay in bed and waste away.

At 33+ weeks pregnant, I barely have the energy to deal with myself and corral my big, strong-willed boy. I can't sleep. I'm constantly exhausted. My back hurts. My girl pokes me in painy places and sticks her feet into my lungs.

Worrying about Betty is sending me over the top.

At my request, I'm meeting her at a doctor's appointment this afternoon.

In the great news category: Maude's mom has invited her up to Vermont for as long as she'd like to stay, and Betty is excited about the idea.

So now I'm working on lining up two days a week of fill-in childcare, and fingers crossed, it looks like it might work out. I'm ready to put her on a train as soon as she's ready.

Days and days with dear friends, fresh air, wholesome food - all of these things would be really good for her. We need things to turn around.

23 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to read this - I really really hope that the doctor says she's just tired and needs some time to recuperate, and that she can get the rest she needs in VT posthaste.

    Big big hugs to both of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doctor has ordered all kinds of GI tests (plus stool samples!). Maude's mom, who is a nurse, suggested it could be C-difficile, which is rampant bug because of overuse of antibiotics. So maybe it's just a bug she can't kick on her own.

      Hugs to you.

      Delete
  2. I am so sorry its been rough. I want to say something extremely positive and happy to make you feel better but I it might just irritate you. I do hope things turn around. You have a lot of good to look forward to. Hang in there, chin up, and a big hug from all us Angels!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Aimee and Angels! I doubt you'd irritate me with positivity. I'm hoping that all this testing will tell us what's wrong and we can get her turned around fast! And then up to VT for fun!

      Delete
  3. Sending lots of good thoughts to all of you. Getting older and having to worry about this kind of stuff is really a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right - it really is. And the older you are, the more worrisome. Thanks for the good thoughts.

      Delete
  4. Oooh, don't send her to Vermont, send her to SUN! We just got back from a week in Mexico, and I had never felt better than when I was there. Crystal blue skies, sunny, 80 every day. It was a dream. I hope Betty feels better ASAP!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, that sounds delicious! That's what I need! Betty is actually one of the few people I know who loves winter and hates being hot, and doesn't need the giant dose of sun that I do to remain on an even keel. Plus she has such good friends up there.

      Delete
  5. Good god, Lisa. How awful - it just seems like you're dealing with one shitty thing after another. I'm sending all of you positive thoughts and energy - seems like there's nowhere to go but up. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks very much, Wendy. It does feel like one sledgehammer after another. But I am hoping they can figure it out and this will be a straightforward fix. And very soon our all lives are getting more chaotic but super exciting!

      Delete
  6. So much WOW for you to deal with. I hope you get good news about Betty's health and that things settle down for you as you ride out these last difficult weeks of pregnancy. Love to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dana. Hoping we can get all the GI testing done this week or soon! And then Betty can get on a train and go have fun and then come back in time for BABY BABY BABY! Love to you.

      Delete
  7. I am thinking many healy thoughts for Betty and lots of warmy huggy thoughts for you, hunny bunny. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, hunny bunny. We love warm huggies. :)

      Delete
  8. Sending out good thoughts and prayers for Betty's health and your peace of mind. Everything's going to be alright. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kate. It makes me feel better to hear someone say that.

      Delete
  9. Oh my... *hugs* to everyone, but especially you and Betty.

    Take care of yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Replies
    1. Will pass them on, Laura! Thank you!

      Delete
  11. Oh my, what a horrid month! My fingers are crossed that it all works out for Betty to relax with loving friends in VT and that you all are hearty and hale very soon. Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  12. :( Damn! I had a whole year like that once. I did get though it but acckk what a pain, some days so difficult. I'm thinking of you and your mom Lisa. I send out thoughts of healing and health and much peace.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am very behind in my blog reading. So sorry that things have been tough. Big hugs to you and Betty. Hang in there, Lisa!

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it.