Stripes I understand and stripes I don't

The tip of the stripeberg:"You see, Mama, I do like brown sugar on my oatmeal."

So, I should make it clear up front that I would never consider myself fashion-forward.

For example, I don't understand much of Prada, lovely as it may be. I can't pull off clothes from Anthropologie, even though (or maybe because?) they're cool.

I have a tendency to wear clothes that make me smile or amuse me in some way. I wore my screaming pink winter coat with orange and purple and whatever else I felt like, until it fell apart. Truly.

And when I'm commuting, particularly in cold weather, all thought of appearance goes out the window. Today I walked to work in a grey dress, white cardigan, purple comfy sneakers, and red socks.

Most of my socks are striped or brightly colored. Which turn out to be a little surprising with my purple sneakers, now that dress weather has arrived.

What I'm probably saying is, I could never be a judge on Project Runway. I'm likely to wind up a Fashion Don't in a magazine.

OK?

So in the Stripes I Understand category, I present my son. Here's his outfit for the day. These are one of his two pairs of beloved Cold Pants.I quite enjoy the slightly dizzying array of stripaliciousness.

These shorts, on the other hand, I place under also dizzying, but Stripes I Don't Understand. Not because I think they're ugly; I don't. I just feel like I don't understand zig-zagged pants, much less ones that point directly at your crotchal area.

Because, why?

Also, here's the description of them in Self magazine (which is where I got the photo) "Short enough to flaunt athletic legs, long enough for meetings. $275."I have athletic legs, and I'm fine with them in shortish shorts, but there's no chance these would flatter me. Who outside the toothpick model community could pull them off? Also, even though I do not, in fact, have industrial-strength labia, I would be very self-conscious about the "look up at my hoo-ha! and now look down at my thighs!" direction of the stripes.

I'm assuming that the rear view is similar. "Here's my butt hole! Look! I'm pointing right at it! With very bright colors!"

But I suppose my main question, even beyond the $275 for these?? is: Where do you work that this pair of shorts would ever be appropriate for meetings?