Friday, April 13, 2007

CSI: U Street

First of all, I'm a massive cranky-pants today, so I might be more annoyed than I should be. My allergies are from hell. Could I be itchier, sneezier, puffier, grumpier? I'm like the seven dwarfs of allergies all rolled into one. AND it's cold out! I blame W for the imbrication of nasty weather and pollen galore.

So. On to my actual rant.

You want the crimes in DC solved immediately? Hire the parking enforcement people. Put them on the police force. Seriously. These people are on the scene, ticket machine in hand, within minutes. Seconds, even.

The three friends of mine who were mugged last year my neighborhood? The parking enforcers would've caught the perps immediately. Might have even apprehended them mid-mug.

Hell, if I'd been illegally parked last fall, they probably would've stopped the dickface who smashed my windshield for fun.

And I hate giving DC government any more money than I pay in taxes. Because do I feel like it goes to anything constructive, like, oh, fixing potholes? Or making sure none of us have lead pipes? Or improving the schools?

No. I bet it goes to slow motion classes for DMV employees. Because, have you been to the inspection station? If I moved that slowly, I just know it would hurt. It's like watching them perform Tai Chi car inspection. With surliness. And cell phones glued to their ears.

OK. Rant over. Because the truth is, I really do like living in DC. I'm not about to move anywhere. I just had to get that out.


  1. lol at your use of the word dickface and the slow motion classes

  2. Even bent out of shape, you're funny. It must be that kindness doctrine.

  3. MM - Thanks! It accurately describes both, I think.

    G&D - Thank you. I fly to Chicago for work tomorrow and I'm hoping that helps!

    DC - That's sweet. Thanks! I've been so cranky, I don't feel funny at all.

  4. You know, I've been reading your blog for a while now, and you're a freakin' riot. Thanks for giving me a chuckle every day.

  5. WiP - Thank you - what a nice compliment!

  6. I honestly find MPD to be the most useless people on the face of the planet. But the parking enforcement people, well hot damn, they ticket like it's the greatest joy in their lives. I'm glad for them, that they're so happy and full of joy for giving out tickets for the dumbest things ever and they get to make the rest of us miserable. Really, so damn happy for them..

  7. Heather - Yes, hot damn! And it's quite astounding that they move at such an alarming rate when the rest of the government practically stands still.


Tell me about it.