Well, No, Not Just This Moment

Thursday night, in the middle of the night, three friends and I were in an ugly but private waiting room of the ER, which is in the basement of the hospital

They're very kind to you when you come in under those circumstances. A social worker meets you, and you get taken to a private room. It makes it a little scarier, because you wonder if you've been sequestered so that when the doctor arrives to tell you the worst, nobody hears you howling.

But as you know, the doctor did not deliver the worst, and so while my mom was with my dad, we were trying to contact my brother, his wife, others. And none of us had any cell phone reception.

There was a phone in the room, but you could only make local calls, and neither my brother or his wife have local cell numbers.

Luckily, my friend A had a phone card. She handed it to another friend to read off the 800-number while I dialed.

So I pushed the numbers as she read them. And was waiting for the prompt, "For English..."

...when the phone voice said, "Are you horny?"

This was unlike any AT&T card I'd ever used! And instead of being horrified, I gave it a sincere second of thought. The hell? What is wrong with me?

I was still waiting for instructions. "What do I do?"

My friend A said, "Press 1."

So pressed 1. And the voice said, "Are you looking for hot, wet girls?"

Even at this point, it didn't quite register, I'm embarrassed to admit. I was still waiting to put in the PIN.

So I turned to my friends and said, "They asked if I'm looking for hot, wet girls?"

"Hang up! Hang up! You dialed phone porn! Do you want to get us kicked out of here?"

Oops.