I'm not saying I believe you have to be married to have a kid. I'm not even saying I think you should.
I'm just saying that I'm really glad Nick is legally locked in at this point.
Because while overall things have gotten a lot easier, there are some pregnancy parts that suck a tremendous amount of ass.
For me, it's not the tiredness, although I do sleep a lot more than I do anything else besides work. And Nick is amazing about picking up the slack at home. While I'm curled in a ball, sound asleep.
It's not even the out-of-nowhere (but in the moment unstoppable) bitchiness - "Would you say that the last five songs that have played are representative of your taste in music, or is this just a particularly annoying streak?"
And it's not the lack of desire - "Keep that thing the hell away from me. That's how I got here in the first place." - although I hope to all that is holy that this passes sooner rather than later. Because isn't the second trimester supposed to be a sextravaganza?
Nick may disagree with me on what's most dreadful - I haven't asked.
But for me, the worst of it is the gas that honest-to-Christ could kill farm animals.
It's much like the horrendously humiliating Turkey poo experience. I am just so thankful that it would take legal intervention and some amount of cash and hassle to sever this currently malodorous union.
See, pregnancy makes you poo less. So that your future progeny can suck out as many nutrients as possible as the food travels through you. Which, it turns out, results in the kind of gas that should be bottled as WMDs.
I swear to you, I woke up last night, turned over, and was blasted with the foulest stench. And I was all retchingly offended. "Ni-i-ick!"
He woke up enough to say, "Lisa. That's been you. All. Night."
It was terrible. Truly. The kind of terrible that makes the flight attendant rush toward you with air freshener.
And this just makes you want to crawl under the covers and die.
Although you realize that considering the gaseous composition festering under there, that would in fact be the likely outcome.