Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thanks, anonymous. Because most days, pregnancy doesn't screw with my sense of self quite enough.

I don't know what other (more rational, less hormonally mindfucked) bloggers would do with the following anonymous comment.

Me, I started out by stewing over it for days.

For what it's worth, I've been a happy reader of your blog for the last two years or so now. But since you have gotten pregnant, you have totally lost me. And no, I'm not some single guy who doesn't want to hear about pregnancy and babies. I am a 35 year old woman with a 3 year old and currently 5 months pregnant. But your constant whining about how fat you feel (my stomach is ALWAYS larger than your tiny one) is really hard to swallow. And how other babies aren't interesting to hold (maybe try and open your mind up on this one!), how you won't change diapers, etc. is just so petty and juvenile. Ever think that maybe it would give a break to the other parents to hold their baby? Or change a diaper? Or make them feel good that you are interested in their child, or that they might have something to teach you about raising a kid?

I know that your blog is a place to vent and be honest, but perhaps consider that these thoughts aren't ones to so proud of and keep repeating here. Just a thought from someone who is pretty close to being an ex-reader.


Initially it made me feel terrible. I'm a bad person. I'm whiny and petty and juvenile. And then it made me mad.

And then it made me all, seriously? I am whiny and petty and juvenile. But these are the reasons you're choosing!?

You can tell me I'm wrong about almost anything; I will freely admit I am. Just about the only thing I know I'm right about - and it's taken me a lot of years of work, not to mention a fuckwad of cash for help with said personal work - is my feelings.

So whether or not my abs are smaller than yours, I'm allowed to feel fat out loud on my blog. And when I gain eight pounds in eight weeks, of fucking course I'm whiny.

And!

Did anyone who has read any of my weight posts in the past think I wouldn't lose my shit about my ass tripling in size? Does anyone think this is only about the growing size of my everything rather than a whole bunch of other fuckedupness?

Did anyone who remotely knows me think I would be all, oh, pregnancy! It's just like being wrapped in rainbows, kissed by puppies, and visited by Jesus every day! And the only unfortunate thing about the Jesus part, aside from explaining it to my husband, is that all the bread and fish makes me queasy!

And you can call me petty and juvenile - I often am. But for the love of Pete, would you do it for behavior that actually is?

Like, I can understand if you think I'm petty for collecting bugs to put in my boss's office. Or juvenile for getting really drunk and behaving badly on dates. Or for removing my clothes in public.

But getting all worked up because I don't want to hold other people's babies? That I'm not using them as "learning opportunities" - that's what you're going to chastise me for?

I'd rather walk someone's dog than hold their baby. We all have our preferences.

I spent a lot of years doing what other people thought I should, and trying to feel the way other people told me to.

I held that fucking baby for most of my life. Maybe I'm just not your cup of tea.

56 comments:

  1. Please, she's just jealous of your wonderful and adorable baby belly. Be proud of you who are, Lisa. I ADORE that you're completely yourself on this blog and that's the reason I keep coming back to read.

    If some anonymous person has an issue, it's their issue not yours. Everyone is different. For what it's worth, I agree about holding babies. I don't like other people's children but I'm sure I'll love mine, in the meantime keep them away.

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  2. Dear Lisa,

    I think I love you.

    Sincerely,
    Hillary

    PS: Anyone who leaves an anonymous comment is a douchebag. Fact. If you can't even put your name on your own comment, your comment doesn't deserve to be read with anything other than contempt.

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  3. Go you! What a terrible note. I've been a long-time reader and very rare commenter, but I love your quirky perspective and your delightful voice and your very compelling openness and honesty. I regard it as your space to share, and I feel very privileged to be allowed to listen.

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  4. ... and because clearly I have too much time on my hands, I thought you might enjoy this:

    http://www.bodiesinmotivation.com/2009/02/navel-gazing-a-whole-new-level/

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  5. Amen sister!!

    Good job ~ I think you're right on!

    Also ~ anonymous, really?? That is seriously the juvenile act!

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  6. Everybody's a critic. And some people are myopic critics with a penchant for hypocrisy and ordinary hurtfulness. As someone who also writes fairly openly and owes that ability (at least in part) to dumptrucks of cash spent in that effort, I share your angry. For the love of bacon, why do people (with no more of a connection to you than some anonymous reader de-lurking for the first time) feel the need send a parting shot on their way out? You don't like the tune, just change the fucking channel and keep your judgments to your self.

    and for whatever it's worth, I think you're the bee's knees and the berry's razz.

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  7. You're my cup of tea too. Perhaps anonymous should open her mind to the idea that all women are different, and maybe we aren't all jazzed about other peoples babies.

    My number one goal in life right now is not to learn how to be super mom. When I get pregnant I'll have a hell of a time adjusting too.

    Personally, I like that you share your feelings, because you aren't alone. I'm not alone. We aren't all stepford wives.

    Alos, if it would give these moms a break to have someone else hold their babies or change the diapers they can hire a sitter. Why just assume you want the job for free? You'll do it when it is your responsibility; why should you do it now, for them. It's not rocket science, you don't need to practice.

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  8. WE love you Lisa, and whoever that was trying to ruin your day should just go eat a big fat bad attitude sandwich. To go with their Bitter tea and party-raining-on salad.

    :)

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  9. I think I would have reacted in exactly the same way. On the other hand, I would love a second cup.

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  10. Yikes, what a meanie comment.

    What do you mean you don't want to walk my dog? Just kidding :)

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  11. Some people are so unbelievably entitled. The comment reads like an ultimatum: Change or I'll stop reading you. Now THAT is juvenile.

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  12. Right on! You know, running a restaurant, we found out quick that not only is it impossible to please everybody, there are some customers you need to shoo away from your business.

    "Just a thought from someone who is pretty close to being an ex-reader"? Well, here's a thought from a committed reader: "don't let the screen door bump you in the butt on the way out!" Not that anyone could notice - until Ms. Crabapple writes another cowardly anonymous comment! Ah, hahaha!

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  13. SERIOUSLY???

    I'm sorry *her* blog is changing, evolving into something *you* don't like, Anonymous reader! Maybe you should read your own words about this being HER PLACE TO VENT AND ALL THAT and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

    Asshat.

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  14. I don't know you - I can't even remember how I came across your blog the first time. But I do know that I think you're awesome, and I love reading your blog BECAUSE you are honest and you don't hold back!

    Anonymous posters are chickens, don't let 'em get to you. Keep on venting, LG :)

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  15. Don't censor yourself, ever, and don't feel bad about writing honestly. There are too many people out there that will lie through their smiling teeth and not feel a tidge of remorse.

    I prefer you honest, and if you feel better about keeping track of the size of your growing baby belly instead of gnashing your teeth about your blossoming posterior, well, it's your blog, so it's your right.

    If you lose one fuckwad reader over it, well, too bad for her.

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  16. Petty and juvenile? Hm.

    She must have meant, PRETTY and good with the JAVELIN. It's the only logical explanation.

    SHINY and PRETTY and good with the JAVELIN.

    Though, I have to say, I'd rather be whiny and petty and juvenile and drinking tea with you, than THAT bad of a person.

    Typist! I meant Typist!

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  17. Wow. So she's jealous because you're skinny and pretty and opinionated and not scared to express what you want on YOUR blog?

    What a twat.

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  18. I say good riddance to her! I'm a new reader (also 5 months pregnant) and I'll happily take her place among your readership. How rude...

    Oh, and I don't like holding babies either. They scare me. I'm really hoping I don't break my own once I finally give birth.

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  19. I'm not pregnant, no plans on popping babies anytime soon, and have NO issues with the pregnancy talk, even if you, pregnant, are smaller than me, non-pregnant -- even in one of my good days.

    Now proceed as usual, we love ya! :)

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  20. It's bitches like this that make me crazy! Are you kidding me - if you don't like what's blogged about move on. Why does "Annoymous" feel like she has some moral obligations to inform you of your wrong doings? I'll tell you why: Bitches like this get off making people feel bad. Forget her and move on. The world is filled with fucktard!

    BTW - great blog!

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  21. Screw Anonymous. This blog is wonderful because you are open and honest, even if it's something that others might not see as "flattering". (Anyone who can do an entire blog on the foulness of pregnancy farts has my utmost respect!)

    If she can't read your blog for the wonderful thing it is (even if she doesn't agree) then you don't need her! We love you!

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  22. Nobody is going to like everything we write all the time -- me personally, if I don't like something somebody has written, I stay quiet and just don't read that person anymore. But not everyone is so tactful.

    You're great, Lisa! Keep on the same way you have been. :)

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  23. Yep, yep, and yep to everything that's been said above. I love your blog. You make me laugh every day. And I love to hear your honesty about being pregnant. It will make me more aware of what to expect when it's my time! Keep on keepin on!

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  25. One of the reasons I love reading your blog so much is that you're honest, that you aren't tricking things out to look like things they aren't...and sometimes people just can't deal with that sort of honesty, at least when it comes to something they may disagree with you about. But that's no reason for you to change or apologize for who you are!

    She needs to open her mind and realize not everyone will fall into her little niche of how she thinks things should be.

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  26. unreal. is there any way you can MAKE her an "ex-reader" right now?!!

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  27. I hope her three year old was just giving her a hard time. Or else she doesn't remember the newness of pregnancy. Or she had a perfect pregnancy and childbirth. Or she's just a bitch.

    Reminds me of the time I got yelled for complaining about puking all the time and peeing myself while pregnant with Marion. I was told I shouldn't complain because plenty of people have a hard time getting pregnant and I should be thankful for the baby inside of me. I very nicely explained that while I was thankful for the baby growing inside of me, puking and peeing myself are not things I like to enjoy on a daily basis.

    Pregnancy is different for everyone and I, for one, enjoy reading your take on it. It is not all sunshine and roses. I prefer the real side of things not the Hallmark version. So thank you for writing your take and being honest!

    And screw her.

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  28. Oh, my gosh. You all are the best. You really are.

    I can't even furtively start responding to all these awesome comments in my little cube this afternoon! But once work ends...

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  29. Ditto to everyone's response to this post.

    Maybe I'm being really practical, but if you don't like someone's blog, why don't you just STOP READING IT?? I'm confused on why someone would ask a blogger to change their blog, instead of just moving on. I guess you just have to be a dumbass. Who knows.

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  30. I echo all of the above sentiments. I love you and your sassy blog. You can't win 'em all kid, but look how many people's days you brighten as evidenced by all these comments! Get on with your bad self!

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  31. Meh... some people, some times, just don't deserve to be paid attention to. It's easy to get worked up about what they say, and sometimes it's worth venting, just because venting is healthy (in moderation)... but really...

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  32. Wow. See, this is why I have a private blog. I don't want anonymous doucheholes making me feel bad because I get grossed out by my baby puking and shitting all over the place ("they" always say that when it's yours it doesn't bother you...so far "they" are wrong in my case).

    I guess I don't get why anonymous left that comment. Does she really think that saying she's close to being an ex-reader is going to change anything for you? Especially when it's cloaked in anonymity? WTF? Weird.

    Anyway, whatevs to that chick. Keep on doin' what you doin'.

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  33. Here's the deal....anonymous is a sissy poo-poo. Your blog-your thoughts. I like 'em mucho! Be yourself-that's why so many of us are here reading and waiting for the next post.

    sophie

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  34. You are amazing. Children need parents who are in touch with their emotions. You will be a good mom.

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  35. See, it kinda stinks being the 37th person to chime in on a subject like this, because it's all been said and said better. So, what everyone else said. Especially JoLee, I love it when a girl uses a dirty word like that.

    Oh, and is that sweet tea? 'Cause I'll definitely have another glass.

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  36. I'm not pregnant, and not yet a mom, and I find your journey to be quite honest and fascinating. If she isn't happy, she can stop reading your blog - not criticize you for writing your thoughts in your own page. I love other people's children, but a lot of people don't. And they still are going to be wonderful parents because they will find their own children fascinating.

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  37. ah girlfriend, sounds like this is your first encounter with the pregnancy police.

    the pregnancy police are people who try to tell you how to be pregnant. ranges from things like not getting your nails done because of the fumes to not going out clubbing with a belly-bearing midriff. anything deemed un-maternal or non-nurturing like not having proper enthusiasm for diaper changing is just verboten. it's an early form of the parenting police, which you will find out about later.

    society has always crammed down our throats unrealistic images of preganancy and motherhood. it used to be mostly the one where pregnant women are all a-sexual goodness and radient light and for years we were expected to suck it up with a fake stepford smile and a peter pan collared muumuu. now after celebrity motherhood went through a big vogue period we've gone to the other extreme where you're expected to work out with a pregnancy trainer and look like Angelina Jolie sipping non-alcoholic spritzer and caressing orphans (note the nurturing thing never really went away).

    but the reality is, you are still you, and you are totally normal to feel the way you feel. just because you are pregnant it doesn't mean you suddenly turn into a different person with a different personality. pregnancy is hard. for the womb-hostess, it mostly sucks. the last thing i would EVER do is ask a pregnant lady to hold my kid so *i* can get a break - the PREGNANT WOMAN is the one who needs a break, in my opinion. i also am the bitch who harasses people on trains if they don't give up a seat to pregnant women, so you know, full disclosure...

    and it doesn't matter if you are actually just .75 centimeters bigger, or if you gain 10 pounds per month, every pregnant woman feels fat. and it's also a *fatness* you have absolutely no control over, which makes it even more fun! eat as healthy as you want to, run 5 miles a day ,and you will STILL get bigger - your pelvic bones are widening, your breasts are enlarging, and your stomach is ballooning, all because you decided to allow another being to grow bigger and bigger and stretch your body larger, as much as it needs to, in order to give it life. there is no way around it. to me, pregnancy fatness is just a totally different kind of fatness and you do not sound whiny like a cheerleader complaining about a micron of fat, you sound like a totally normal pregnant woman who is tryin to deal with the bizarre fuckery of it all.

    so i just say to hell with anyone else's expectations, people who know you and love you already know who you are as a person and understand that what you are going through is a head trip AND body trip.

    so if it makes you feel better to rant, then rant away! if it makes you feel better to henna tattoo your belly and dance barefoot to worship the wiccan earth mother goddess, then rock on with that too. it's just a looong 9 months, so you just do whatever you need to and get through to the other side and just be yourself. your real friends have your back. :)

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  38. oh sweet moses - did i EVER pick a heavy day to come over here for the first time! ditto on everything everyone above me has said. wow. just...WOW.

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  40. Aren't we all whiny? And don't all women feel fat when they gain weight? I thought that's what connects us? And people try to GET me to have kids by saying I'd like my own even if I don't like other people's....

    Grrrr..... it's your blog and I love reading it and I look forward to reading it and I love you for writing it.

    Screw anonymous!

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  41. Ha. Love being one of the only dudes here.

    Screw stupid women. And I don't mean that in a sexual way...

    Love your blog, LG. Brush off the haters.

    Do yo' thang...

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  42. I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately. My parole asked me to concentrate more on that than on that whole revenge thing, you know.

    Anyway, I've noticed that my hackles get up with some of my commenters who can't let go for one post and be silly, petty, mean-spirited, goofy, giddy, or utterly socially-retarded. Either I'm a crappy writer or they are missing a funny bone.

    Everything I write contains an element of truth - pretty or not, but like you, I write it because it is my experience and I want to share it in the way that seems most appropriate to me at the moment.

    For you to write about your anxieties using the honesty and sense of humor you apply to it is not only refreshing, it's done in a fashion that is delightful to read.

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  43. You should just microchip all of your readers - that way, if you get such an inane comment again, we can all take turns going to that person's home to smack a bitch senseless - after offering unsolicited criticism as to they way they choose to live their life, of course.

    As for the pregger posts, you've been nothing but consistent. You're exactly the same blogger, only one who is now writing for two. Methinks this Anonymous Person never really was a fan to begin with, but was rather someone looking for any possible window of opportunity in which to bring you down. Not gonna happen, LGlo.

    Get to work on that microchippy thing, please. I'm doing my hand exercises as we speak. Besos!

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  44. Once again, you all just rock. You are amazing and I am lucky. Also, I've never responded to this many comments in one shot, so here goes!

    Susan - Thank you. You are mine as well.

    Jo - Thank you so much for the nice words. And I do feel like it's a valid position, and I appreciate hearing it.

    Hillary - You are fantastic. I adore you. And that blog post was really interesting. I don't think I'm that bold. Particularly not now. Maybe as post-baby motivation??

    Cheryl - Thank you, really. I feel privileged that bright, interesting, supportive people are interested in reading!

    Jennifer - It is kind of juvenile, actually. You're right!

    restaurant refugee - I don't know. I don't understand the parting shot. And...I really needed to hear that. I am so glad to be the bee's knees and the berry's razz in your eyes.

    Maiden Metallurgist - When you decide to be supermom, I will give you very strict pointers. Because of course by then, I will be an expert. But seriously - I love knowing that I'm not alone in this. I love the blogworld for that.

    Sarah - Oh, I love that. Go eat a big fat bad attitude sandwich. With Bitter tea and party-raining-on salad.Too fantastic!

    Fearless in Toronto - Absolutely welcome to a second cup!

    HKW - Not only would I happily walk your dog, but I'd watch him for the entire weekend! Truly!

    Miss Kate - Yes! It feels exactly like an ultimatum. Ridiculous.

    Jordaan - That is actually a really smart thing to keep in mind. It's true in all sorts of situations, and I'm sure hugely so in the restaurant business.

    LiLu - I love you. I really, really do.

    tumblin - Thank you so much. I really like having a place to be completely honest and not hold back at all. It's a relief.

    Jo - Thanks very much. I don't want to have to censor. And it does make me feel better to focus on the belly, and I do feel lucky that there are people willing to support and indulge me.

    Dagny - You must be right! That must be exactly what she meant! And I LOVE my pretty, shiny, javelin-holdin' picture!

    JoLee - I don't know, but that's a flattering way to put it. And that word, while I can't say it, always makes me laugh.

    Luna - I'm so glad you're here! And I am glad you said that. I agree with you - new babies are scary. So small!

    Beach Bum - Oh, such hugs to you! What a nice thing to say!

    Sassalicious - Agree! This is how I approach blogs - if I don't like it, I don't read it. Why go out of your way to make someone feel bad?

    Cheryl S - It's a suspect way to earn someone's respect, I do realize, but I'm glad I have yours. :) And I'm not remotely interested in spinning things or censoring so it's all flattering. So fake! My life is just not like that!

    Zandria - Thank you! And I am in complete agreement with you.

    Bejeweled - It makes me so happy to hear that! Thank you!

    moosie - I do appreciate that. I never want to spin things to make them look all great if they're not. But no, not everyone thinks the ugly bits should be put out there.

    LJ - I'm going to guess that if this post didn't, the comments did.

    mrsmac - You know, a friend of mine did sugggest that maybe she's having a tough time as a mother or a pregnant woman. And I was trying to see it from her side. But then I just kept going back to being really angry about someone deliberately trying to make me feel bad. And as for someone yelling at you for puking a lot and peeing yourself - honestly, what is WRONG with people? Sure, we're lucky to be pregnant but nobody is lucky to puke a lot and then pee themselves. People just suck sometimes.

    David - :)

    Canaan - Absolutely - why not just STOP READING? I suppose because then you couldn't teach them a lesson on your way out.

    prettylittletangents - Ah, thank you! Everyone here today really brightened my day.

    VVK - You and Nick, you are both good at letting things roll off of you and not rising to the bait and getting all emotional. I can't help getting all worked up, although I do know that you have a very valid point.

    SM - THANK YOU for saying that. I have this fear that I will be super grossed out by those same things, when it doesn't seem to faze anyone else. But now I know that if it bothers me, I'm not the only human on the planet.

    Soph - Thank you, my friend. :)

    Lemmonex - I believe it helps to have parents in touch with their emotions. Or anyway, I belive it will. I sure hope I'm a good mom.

    FoggyDew - Some days it's Carolina sweet tea. Some days it's Indian train station chai - my favorite. And some days it's probably overly bitter and should be strained and sweetened a hell of a lot. :) But you're always welcome to a glass, should you choose.

    Katherine - Thanks so much for that. I appreciate it.

    xuxE - I LOVED reading this. I really, truly did. And the way you describe pregnancy fat is PERFECT. God, I'm so glad we've reconnected. I feel so lucky about it all the time.

    Ella - Ha - there have definitely been lighter days, it's true.

    Jules - I believe so. And I believe we have a right to voice feeling fat when we gain weight, no matter what size we are relative to anyone else. And I so appreciate the nice words. Thank you.

    Rough Edges - Haha - yes, you are definitely in the minority! And thank you, really, thank you!

    Lisa - Yes, well, probably better to blog than seek revenge, satisfying as I believe revenge can be. I was thinking about that too.You can't do anything about how people take things, but it's so hard when it's far from how you meant them to be taken. The blogs I love the most are the ones like yours - the ones that feel so real - because it gives me the feeling of real and genuine connection to you.

    FreckledK - I love how maternal and protective you are, I really do. And thank you so much for what you said about the pregger posts. I really started to wonder if I just went all to hell voicing all this pregnancy crap. Hugs to you, my friend.

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  45. And please tell me you watched The Office tonight.....

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  46. Of course I am biased getting to see you all the time and answering your crazy pregnancy questions, but you will always be my cup of tea!! and my Q. T.

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  47. I don't care that your baby belly is flatter than my not baby belly. I love the belly pics. Bring 'em on!

    The commenter just sounds so insecure. I kind of feel sorry for her. To get so worked up and insulted over something a stranger said on the internet is just sad.

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  48. For what it's worth, the anonymous commenter is pregnant. Mood swing, maybe?

    But I can relate to what you mean about freaking out over weight gain, even in pregnancy. Your past posts about weight have resonated with me completely and while I'm rather far away from pregnant right now, I'm terrified of knowing I'll have to emotionally deal with the inevitable weight gain. So, actually, whine on. I sure as hell would too.

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  49. I absolutely adore you. Just thought I'd chime in with the others about how incredible you are.

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  50. Congrats!!!

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  51. YAY LISA! YOU TELL HER!!

    I saw that comment come through on my follow-up comment emails, and it made me so mad on your behalf. Although I haven't been around to have originally read a number of the posts you linked to, it never once made me think poorly of you for not wanting to hold someone else's baby or complaining about gaining weight. We all deal differently, and in our own ways. I think you've done well, and I know how important it can be to vent what you're feeling, to get it out of your head.

    So again, good for you for saying what you feel, and for standing up for yourself. Even if she never reads, you've made me a permanent reader!!! Keep up writing, be it whine or belly shot or anything you need to say!

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  52. atta girl!

    it would be so awesome if you could simply tell her "please don't read my blog any more". i don't get why people leave these kinds of comments at all... the blog world is huge, move on.

    i will continue to enjoy your petty juvenile honesty... because can't we all relate on some level? : )

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  54. i've never liked holding other people's babies, and i'm not a fan of eating dinner next to some asshole-toddler having a spazz about their spilled milk.

    however, i am preggers myself. we can all be ourselves and be mothers. i'm never going to be the baby-holder either. (except my own.)

    ps- i get you on the clothes roulette game: what will fit today...hmmm? and i'm only 14 weeks

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