Saturday, April 10, 2010

Correlative conjunctions

So, I'm not saying woe is me, my life is so hard.

But what I am saying is this:

IF you've gotten up, nursed, made baby breakfast, then realized there was a distinct poo smell, then realized it was a two-person poo, but you wanted to let your husband sleep...

AND you realized there were not enough wipes in the world to contend with the sheer volume of poo...

AND so you divested your child of the poo clothes and set him in a dry baby bathtub (because where the hell do you set a little human with big smears of sticky poo up and down his thighs?) while you got the water ready in the now-lucky-that-you-have-it second tub...

AND he screamed SO LOUDLY and with so much anguish (and also maybe you tripped over something that made a loud noise, as did you) that your husband came rushing in to see if you were ripping your child's limbs off...

AND he very nicely took over the bath while you scraped poo off clothing and changing pad and did laundry and washed out the poo-spackled dry tub...

AND then you nursed highly distraught baby...

AND if all this happened before 7 am...

THEN would a breakfast cocktail suddenly seem completely reasonable to you?


  1. Absolutely! Go for it, mama! You definitely deserve it.

  2. that, and then a nap seems in order...

  3. ANY excuse for a breakfast cocktail.

    Plus it's the weekend . . .

  4. A breakfast cocktail would be a genius idea at a moment like this!

  5. Luna - In the end, I had to drive to VA to return Betty's car. Just got back, had lunch, am going to have a nap IF J goes to sleep (please, little boy, go to sleep) and then will have drinks on the deck with Nick.

    KLZ - Thank you!

    VVK - I have been running around like a madwoman today. I am hoping to nap right now. I just need the boy to fall asleep!

    A.S. - :)

    P - I love the "plus it's the weekend" reason. :)

    Stevie - I need to use the word "absof**kinlutely" more!

    HKW - I totally need to stock Bloody Mary fixins!

  6. Wow! Lisa...I'm havin' a drink for both of, for all 3 or you: ) And I pray you enjoyed that well deserved breakfast cocktail. Hope the rest of your weekend is fabulous!

  7. We need reasons for breakfast cocktails, now?

    Clearly, you have not spent enough time in WASP country.

  8. I really doubt I am capable of doing ANY of that before 7 a.m.

    You are my superhero. Period.

    Have some coffee with your Bailey's this morning.

  9. breakfast cocktail well deserved.
    a double of whiskey well deserved.
    maybe even some other things i can't put into print for legal reasons, well deserved.

  10. Guess whose resturant serves bottomless bloody marys and mimosas, beginning at 10am on Saturdays and Sundays? And is within walking distance from your house? And who staffs a server who will hook you up with your very own picture of the aforementioned beverages and will take your baby for a walk while you snarf down some pancakes? And who now carries high chairs for those with little ones? GUESS?!?

  11. How could it not? If you made it with orange juice, that'd even count as a valid breakfast item, I think.


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